so i guess its not ok to take a picture of a dead person?

[PowerEngineer]

Your story reminds me of my mother-in-law's funeral during which one of her children decided to take a picture of her lying in the open casket. Now the entire family has a propensity for snapping pictures at literally every occasion -- including this one, but you could hear an audible gasp from the funeral crowd when the camera flash went off. Clearly most of the family thought this was one picture too many! I am told that the picture was subsequently destroyed after its taker agreed that no one would ever want to remember her mother "that way".

The purpose of a funeral is to help the living adjust to the loss of a loved one by respectfully marking his/her passing. Great care should be taken to avoid any acts that the deceased's closest friends and family might find disturbing or disrespectful.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I guess some people see it as disrespectful but sounds like they totally overreacted there. You did it in good faith. I guess you could have said out loud that you just want a picture as it's the last time you see him and maybe people would understand.
Though come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen a picture of someone in a casket. I guess it's not taboo to take pictures. People get offended over weird stuff sometimes.

 

[bradley]

I guess this generation lacks scruples.

 

[Jaepheth]

Funerals are one of those times you need to walk on egg shells, so to speak.

If you want to do anything involving the corpse you need to clear it with the immediate family or whoever is running the show.

She may not have freaked out if you had asked first, and explained that you wanted to because it would be the last time you saw the guy.

 

[gorcorps]

should have fist bumped him

 

[gothamhunter]

When you whip out a cameraphone like that, it probably gives people the impression that you're planning on posting it to #lolfuneral. If you were to suggest it in a calm manner I wouldn't see anything wrong with it, though.

Basically this. If it was a normal camera it probably wouldn't have mattered, but camera-phones are, in the mind, directly linked in with social media. I'm sure they expected to look at your Twitter and see #lolfuneral #deadrelative @MichaelJackson He looks better #YOLO #SWAG after you snapped the picture.

 

[momeNt]

How old is your daughter?

edit: reading fail, it was his daughter... your cousin. my bad.

 

[TwiceOver]

When people whip out a phone to take a picture, the first immediate thought by anyone is that the picture is going on some social media site somewhere.

That might have been their thinking.

Yeah, I probably woulnd't have even tried. It is kinda disrespectful. "Look a dead guy, hehe {click}"

 

[Jeff7]

Ok, but did you really have to do a duckfaced selfie with him?

well he was a lot cleaner and better dressed than he was normally... after retirement he would go through some no-bathing spells, so i would try to visit only when i had seen him in town and he looked and smelled presentable

This made me laugh.


"Wow. He's never looked this good!"

 

[rh71]

When people whip out a phone to take a picture, the first immediate thought by anyone is that the picture is going on some social media site somewhere.

That might have been their thinking.

Yeah, I probably woulnd't have even tried. It is kinda disrespectful. "Look a dead guy, hehe {click}"

Exactly this and that's what the daughter meant by dishonoring him. Even if she has the wrong idea, just let it go. There are things you just shouldn't even attempt because people get the wrong idea.

 

[NetWareHead]

When you whip out a cameraphone like that, it probably gives people the impression that you're planning on posting it to #lolfuneral.

#lolfuneral.... Hahaha I dont know why but this made be laugh. Do people actually do this? Personally I would never disrespect the dead or their grieving family this way. It is morbid if you ask me. There is a reason why a wake usually has a bulletin board with many pictures of the deceased for people to remember.

 

[mikeford]

Just wait for some quiet moment, turn off the flash and sound, and take the pict without getting into a "I'm taking a picture" pose. Maybe let the funeral director know you want to take a picture without disturbing any of the relatives and need a moment to do it.

 

[Imp]

Sounds more like they were afraid you were going to put it up on Facebook or tweet it.

 

[brianmanahan]

It used to be common. Even to pose with the body for a photo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-mortem_photography

wow thats really interesting

i guess i just belong in a different time...

 

[brianmanahan]

i ended up not going to the funeral today, figured it would be too awkward. wouldnt suprise me if i dont get invited to christmas again either

 

[Perknose]

i ended up not going to the funeral today, figured it would be too awkward. wouldnt suprise me if i dont get invited to christmas again either

That's way too harsh and shouldn't happen. You were clueless at worst, not evil.

Why don't you try writing a short e-mail (or letter, if no net) explaining that you didn't come to the funeral because you were embarrassed at your unintentional faux pas at the viewing, for which you wish to offer your heartfelt apology?

That would really help to clear the air and open the way for them to respond with "forgiveness."

Christmas. The food is probably good, right?

 

[brianmanahan]

That's way too harsh and shouldn't happen. You were clueless at worst, not evil.

Why don't you try writing a short e-mail (or letter, if no net) explaining that you didn't come to the funeral because you were embarrassed at your unintentional faux pas at the viewing, for which you wish to offer your heartfelt apology?

That would really help to clear the air and open the way for them to respond with "forgiveness."

Christmas. The food is probably good, right?

thanks, that is a good idea, i will give it a try

 

[Triumph]

I second the writing of an ACTUAL letter. Some people still do that, you know, and it has much more weight than an email.

I don't have a problem with it, I don't think it's "weird" in a perverted sense but it is not exactly ok, either. However, my dad is German and at my mother's funeral, he took a picture of her to send to the family back in the ol' country, saying how they would want to see it. And my dad's brother sent us a picture of my German grandmother in her casket when she died in 2008. Obviously Germany is not some backwards bone-in-the-nostrils country so it really isn't THAT strange.

Just write a nice letter stating your intentions and you apologize and leave it at that, it's for her to come around. Judging by her over reaction, it will probably take a while. She sounds a bit crazy; throwing a tantrum like that just drew more attention to it and made it even more awkward.

 

[feralkid]

This made me laugh.


"Wow. He's never looked this good!"

Some folks are dying to have a makeover.

 

[WelshBloke]

As an aside, how common is the whole open casket thing in America?

I'm at an age and in a profession that I go to lots of funerals ( ) and I've never been to an open casket.

 

[brianmanahan]

As an aside, how common is the whole open casket thing in America?

I'm at an age and in a profession that I go to lots of funerals ( ) and I've never been to an open casket.

every visitation i have ever been to (about 7-8 of them) have been open casket

 

[Triumph]

As an aside, how common is the whole open casket thing in America?

I'm at an age and in a profession that I go to lots of funerals ( ) and I've never been to an open casket.

I think I've been to 4 or 5, and all were open casket. I thought it was pretty common.

I am always suspicious with closed caskets, I assume the person faked their own death. I need proof!

 

[JulesMaximus]

i think its morbid.

And creepy. No way I would do it.

 

[WelshBloke]

I thought it was pretty common.

Not over here I think, unless my experiences have been spectacularly out of the ordinary.

I've always thought of them as a bit weird really. Why would I want my last memory of a loved one to be their dead face? I'd rather remember them being alive.

 

[WelshBloke]

thanks, that is a good idea, i will give it a try

Might be an idea to get someone to read through the letter for you before you send it.


What with the whole lacking of social skills thing.