So how do you get over a first love?

[BamBam215]

hi everyone,

i have posted in this forum in a long time, mainly because i was with my... well i guess ex-girlfriend now, but now i'm slowly finding my way back here. things have changed a quite a bit since i logged onto AT for the first time. i should be studying for finals right now, but no matter how hard i try i can't seem to concentrate.

i've only been a few very personal relationships, and this last one i have to say was the most special. i can say i fell in love with this girl. being with her made me feel like the luckiest man on earth. i mean just seeing her smile once during the day would make everything else around me better. it finally hit me what everyone was talking about when they say that feelings just hit you. we were lying in bed together one day and just chatting about something trivial, and i closed my eyes for a second, but when i opened them... i saw the most beautiful thing in world lying next to me. looking at her in that moment, i knew i was in love with this woman. i told her then and there how i really felt about her and i remember the first time she told me she loved me i started crying. i couldn't believe that me... an ordinary computer dork... could get a beautiful angel to fall for him. our relationship started out great... we were consumate lovey dovey couple that make most people sick... hehe

i guess as our relationship grew, i didn't grow with it. this was my first real relationship. the first person i told i loved them and really knew what that meant. the first person that i was intimate with. i shared many firsts with this wonderful person and i'm so grateful that i had a chance to share in that love.

being the person that i am... i think i tended to baby the relationship. i thought that it was my duty to make sure that she was the happiest girl in the world because everytime i was with that was the way she made me feel. i remember that she used to bring up points and complaints about our relationship, but instead of telling her how i really felt about things, i always opted out of the fight. i hate fighting.. i saw my parents fight when i grew up, and i told myself that i would never walk away from the person i love because of a fight. i would always say "honey, you're absolutely right.." or "baby i'm so sorry for everything.. i'll make everything better." i guess all she wanted was honest emotion and maybe even a fight here or there.

it got so bad that near the end of our relationship.. it seemed like we were only together for the sake of being with someone. i would always remember our anniversaries and always tried to do something special each month. this one month i wanted to show her how much i loved her so i decided to put together a scrap book of our relationship. my friend suggested i do a concept album, so i picked out 12 or so songs that described the path our relationship... from "this magic moment" to "now and forever". i stayed up till 6am on our anniversary finishing the book and the CD so i could get it to her that morning. i don't even think she listened to the whole album, or even bothered to finish reading the book.

i knew that this was a different girl from the one i met last summer. we both knew that we shouldn't be together, but we both were so hesistant to let go because we were scared to be alone. i tried to fix things, but it had gotten so bad, that i practically numbed her to all of her feelings. everything was so cold coming from her, and i feel so horrible that managed to turn this wonderful person into something so cold-hearted. one night i decided to take the big step and break up with her for good because i thought this would bring us closer.

i guess i have a very naive way of thinking how love works. i always thought love was supposed to conquer all. that if you gave yourself to someone... heart, body, and soul... that nothing could tear you apart. i guess i was wrong. i thought we would break up... discuss what went wrong and maybe get back together. now i find myself alone and depressed all of the time. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing... and nothing seems to matter to me anymore. my friends say that only time will heal things, but everything just seems to move so slow now. the littlest things will set me off and i'll be crying at the computer or crying myself to sleep. i don't know how to make these feelings go away. maybe i'm just a nutcase...

i'm sorry for writing such a long post, but this place has always been a good place to express your feelings... you guys don't have to answer or anything.. i just had to write what i was feeling right now... thanks

 

[khtm]

<< So how do you get over a first love? >>



Get a second love.

 

[Robert01]

It's like you said how you fell in love. It just happens. Likewise, getting over a relationship just happens. Don't sit around and think about it. That's probably the worst thing you could do.

 

[TheBullGod]

<< So how do you get over a first love? >>



Start drinking right now, and get back to me in a couple weeks.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

<< So how do you get over a first love? >>

Getting a second love only makes things worse, trust me. Give it time. Time is the only real fix heartache and heartbreak.

 

[Buzzman151]

<< Start drinking right now, and get back to me in a couple weeks. >>



w00t w00t.... there goes my vote too

 

[pulse8]

I didn't even read your post and I can tell you how to do it.

Get her out of your life and then all it takes is time and some good ol' fashion friends to be there with you.

 

[weezergirl]

surround yourself with good friends and keep yourself busy.

 

[tasslex]

<<

<< So how do you get over a first love? >>



Get a second love. >>



I second that motion.

 

[TallBill]

hahha, i didnt get rid of the first love.. so there was nothin to get over...

 

[ttn1]

Wow, sounds like my life all over again. All I can say is get on with your life.

 

[BoberFett]

Casual sex. And lots of it.

 

[Jejunum]

u dont ever

just try to find something to fill the deep void (like alcohol or cheap hookers)

 

[Gulzakar]

how did kidd rock put it???

Puffin a Winston, Drinkin a 4-0


hehe, your gettin all worked up. Seriously, in a few months you'll be fine. She will find someone, you will find someone. You dont keep the ones your infatuated with, you keep the ones that are like best friends. DONT confuse your infatuation with her as you two being the best of friends... If you can't stand up for yourself, you really shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

[Looney]

surround yourself with good friends and keep yourself busy.

Bingo. This is the advice you should follow. If you're alone, or you're not kept busy, all you'll do is regurgitate your thoughts over and over, thinking about her, what went wrong, what you can do to fix it, what ifs, etc etc. A break-up after a long relationship will also result in loneliness, you're not use to being alone or without somebody, so start hanging out with your friends again. The reason why men get more depressed than women after a relationship is because women often seek out their friends for support, but men often tries to deal with it themselves, which is just counter-productive.

 

[bleeb]

Do NOT get a second love. If you are a truely caring person, then you will wait until you are fully ready to be in another relationship. Most likely, if you are feeling like you do now, most often times than not, it is rebound relationship and someone always gets hurt in those. So just take sometime to youself to learn about yourself and don't get into another relationship until you are ready. Good Luck, Have Fun, No Hacking! Thug Life, Outlaw, Wesyde!! Ride tonight!!!

 

[kt]

best thing is to talk to someone about it, get everything that's on your mind out. and stop thinking about it. i've been in your situation before and the best thing to do is to just move on. i think you've heard this many times before, but there are plenty of fishes in the sea.

 

[cipher00]

Sometimes you don't.

 

[Red Dawn]

Stalk her so she'll get a restraining order and you will be forced to get over her!

 

[Nitemare]

meaningless mindless sex and beer or

beer then meaningless mindless sex..

in any combo

Never be alone and surround yourself with your buds, unless you are doing the meaningless sex, then it should only be between the two of you and her 2 lesbian roomates Inga and Hilda.

Just remember time heals all wounds..or at least it makes most of the pain go away. Hang in there guy.

 

[Koing]

a thing like that happened to me when I was getting close to this girl. It went wrong and I felt BAD for days. I felt really bad for 3 days in a row. I never ever thought that a girl could do this to me and I felt like sh*t.

I got over it. Get some friends around, have fun just do something fun and try and forget her. Its for the best. Every now and again I'll think of me and her but thats not important. The important things are the life you have and the things you can do to make it better. And now I am seeing the girl of my dreams for about 6 weeks........

Just try and forget and talk about it with people and friends. Write it down if you have to just don't think about it *too* much if you can help it.

 

[BamBam215]

Wow!! you guys have a lot of funny replies...

But what I've been doing is trying to surround myself with friends. I think that's a mistake I'm not going to make in the future. I know that I should never let go of my friends for anyone. I'm trying to learn from all this and hopefully I'll walk away a better person with a better understanding of how these things work.

It helps to be around friends, but I guess I can't help having my ups and downs. Thanks for the support and I know that time is probably the biggest thing I need right now.

 

[mryellow2]

Hey bud, our stories are almost exactly the same. The best advice has been given, hang out with good friends and stay away from her. Make sure you have closure first, don't walk away with a burden on your heart, get everything out in the open, don't be an ass just make sure that further along down the road you won't regret not saying whatever it is you're feeling. After you've done that don't pick at your wound. Don't mull over what went wrong, what you could have done better, why this or that etc., etc. Just keep on livin', you'll never forget her but the pain will dull and eventually go away.

 

[jjones]

the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.

 

[bigalt]

It's tough to comprehend sometimes, but good things do go bad. It's like eating too much cookie dough.

But sometimes no matter how much you love someone, even if they love you as well, a relationship simply won't work. You can blame it on long distance, or on your family, or on swinging left a few too many degrees to make things comfortable, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

But you have to realize that if it happened once, it can surely happen again. Cheap sex can fill the void of things to do, so can video games or ATOT. Friends are even better.

And if you figure out a quick fix, tell my ex-girlfriend, because I'm so ready to be friends with her except that she cries every time I talk to her.