I can only imagine how rough this must be for you. What you're going through sounds like a combo of MY first in-love relationship and the last one I was in.
My advice: give it time. This won't sound too good, but it took me a year and a half to get over my first love. But I DID get over him and I'm happier now than I was then.
The one thing I sometimes had to tell myself (in order not to go crazy with loneliness) was: either I'll find someone better or we'll get back together.
If you truly believe you'll end up with the right person then things WILL work out in the end.
Trust me.
--Sarah
My advice: give it time. This won't sound too good, but it took me a year and a half to get over my first love. But I DID get over him and I'm happier now than I was then.
The one thing I sometimes had to tell myself (in order not to go crazy with loneliness) was: either I'll find someone better or we'll get back together.
If you truly believe you'll end up with the right person then things WILL work out in the end.
Trust me.
--Sarah
yeah bigalt,
i think the other big thing about our relationship was we fell on the too comfortable side... i'm still not sure what that means exactly... but we've had talks about that...
theBloneOne
i think the loneliness is the hardest part... i'm not used to sleeping alone anymore and i have a hard time falling asleep or when i do fall asleep.. i'll usually dreams about her... those are the worst because i'll be dreaming about us doing the lamest things (going to get a bite to eat... shopping) but they seem so real...
i know that if we were meant to be then things will happen... but right now i know i have to let go first... that's one of the hardest parts is letting go of something you care so much about
i think the other big thing about our relationship was we fell on the too comfortable side... i'm still not sure what that means exactly... but we've had talks about that...
theBloneOne
i think the loneliness is the hardest part... i'm not used to sleeping alone anymore and i have a hard time falling asleep or when i do fall asleep.. i'll usually dreams about her... those are the worst because i'll be dreaming about us doing the lamest things (going to get a bite to eat... shopping) but they seem so real...
i know that if we were meant to be then things will happen... but right now i know i have to let go first... that's one of the hardest parts is letting go of something you care so much about
Two of my biggest relationships were with girls that were very very close to me. They both cheated on me...whats funny is that the second one was the one who told me the first one was cheating on me to begin with and thats how we got close. Then she followed the same path. One thing that was a constant though after both of them was the one thing that helped me get over them.......
Friends.
Love sucks..love hurts...but you carry on and become stronger...
love is a blast when you finally find the right person.
Friends.
Love sucks..love hurts...but you carry on and become stronger...
love is a blast when you finally find the right person.
MaxDepth
Diamond Member
- Jun 12, 2001
- 8,757
- 43
- 91
Max Depth staggers back from the toilet wiping his puke rimmed mouth, still shaking from reading this way too saccarine account
I'm heartless but I am sorry it happened to you. Please promise me that you'll never, never, ever try to control a relationship by you always trying to give. I've seen girls just wilt under that pressure. If you do find yourself in love again just be happy and go with it. And never let her see you cry, you big dork!!!!
How did I get over my first love?
Her mother
I'm heartless but I am sorry it happened to you. Please promise me that you'll never, never, ever try to control a relationship by you always trying to give. I've seen girls just wilt under that pressure. If you do find yourself in love again just be happy and go with it. And never let her see you cry, you big dork!!!!
How did I get over my first love?
Her mother
On a side note... I am happily married now. Have gained 20lbs and down to about 7 percent body fat. I wish I couldve taken a picture of their faces when they both saw me for the first time in awhile when I went home. It was a kodak moment
Ouch bud.
I dont post here often (120 messages since Nov 99, but when I do, I like to make it count)
I JUST went though almost exactly the same situation (well, sorta).
Im probably going to ask *her* to read this entire thread. (M- If you read this, I know you might object to some of the language I use to describe our relationship, but I think its the only way to briefly summerize it for the people here- just keep that in mind)
I was in a relationship with a girl for about a year now. She and I broke up basically yesterday. In the end, it was over religion, philosophy, guilt, our age... a lot of factors. I grew up more or less agnostic, and she is devoutly Muslim. We met in an econ class, did a project together, and basically slowly fell in love. Because of her religous beliefs, it was a platonic relationship but it was **amazingly** deep. I doubled my knowledge of "Life" since meeting her. She taught me to open my mind to all sorts of issues and philosophies. She taught me to respect religion, to value people I would never meet, and to question my assumptions.
Muslims, however, are not allowed to enter into relationships of this nature unless they are basically getting married. Furthermore, Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men. Thus, I was causing her guilt- she basically felt that any serious "relationship" with me was causing her to be hypocritical. She never told parents when I visited her, or even her roommates.
And, like the relationship that started this thread off, I found myself in a position where I was often "initiating" the activities we did. We *both* learned from each other, and we both enjoyed outselves, but I had to start the contact. This ultimately made me have some guilt too, and when she told me how worried she was about the religious implications of continuing our relationship, I knew I had to just bite the bullet and realize it wasnt working. In retrospect, I suppose I really should have known at the beginning, but I also know how special she really is- with all her inner beauty, outer beauty, and honesty, there was no way to ignore her.
Ive never really been in this situation before, but I suggest that you try to focus on your work and wait a little while before looking for a "new girl". Also, as far as drinking away your problems... well, I think you can do better than that, as tempting as it might be.
Ultimately, time and friends will reduce the pain. Maybe, in a year or two, you can be friends with her. It sounds like you had a fairly deep friendship.
Take Care
I dont post here often (120 messages since Nov 99, but when I do, I like to make it count)
I JUST went though almost exactly the same situation (well, sorta).
Im probably going to ask *her* to read this entire thread. (M- If you read this, I know you might object to some of the language I use to describe our relationship, but I think its the only way to briefly summerize it for the people here- just keep that in mind)
I was in a relationship with a girl for about a year now. She and I broke up basically yesterday. In the end, it was over religion, philosophy, guilt, our age... a lot of factors. I grew up more or less agnostic, and she is devoutly Muslim. We met in an econ class, did a project together, and basically slowly fell in love. Because of her religous beliefs, it was a platonic relationship but it was **amazingly** deep. I doubled my knowledge of "Life" since meeting her. She taught me to open my mind to all sorts of issues and philosophies. She taught me to respect religion, to value people I would never meet, and to question my assumptions.
Muslims, however, are not allowed to enter into relationships of this nature unless they are basically getting married. Furthermore, Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men. Thus, I was causing her guilt- she basically felt that any serious "relationship" with me was causing her to be hypocritical. She never told parents when I visited her, or even her roommates.
And, like the relationship that started this thread off, I found myself in a position where I was often "initiating" the activities we did. We *both* learned from each other, and we both enjoyed outselves, but I had to start the contact. This ultimately made me have some guilt too, and when she told me how worried she was about the religious implications of continuing our relationship, I knew I had to just bite the bullet and realize it wasnt working. In retrospect, I suppose I really should have known at the beginning, but I also know how special she really is- with all her inner beauty, outer beauty, and honesty, there was no way to ignore her.
Ive never really been in this situation before, but I suggest that you try to focus on your work and wait a little while before looking for a "new girl". Also, as far as drinking away your problems... well, I think you can do better than that, as tempting as it might be.
Ultimately, time and friends will reduce the pain. Maybe, in a year or two, you can be friends with her. It sounds like you had a fairly deep friendship.
Take Care
Cheesemoo
Golden Member
- Jun 22, 2001
- 1,653
- 20
- 81
i am very sorry to hear that. its been 4 years since me and my first love have broken up. she cheated on me very early in the relationship, and i found out years later. but i couldnt accept it. how could i trust her. if she did it once she could do it again. i have had a few girlfreinds here and there but i still always come back to thinking of her. she has graduated now and in grad school a couple hours away. we said we would always be freinds because we had gotten so close, but we never see each other anymore. 4 years have passed and i still love her, sometimes i think i will never get over her.
well.. just got back from my final... that sucked arse.. oh well
LordSegan,
I'm glad that you somewhat know how I feel about all this. I sort of knew in the beginning of our relationship that this was going to be a tough one. All of her previous boyfriends were basically jacka$$es so it took me a long time to win her trust. And i know what you mean when you say you've doubled your knowledge of "life" since meeting her. I've learned and experieneced so many things with her that I wouldn't trade any of those moments for anything. I know how it feels to have to be the one to "bite the bullet" so to say. We both knew for awhile we shouldn't be together.
I really do hope that we'll be able to be friends... she's such an important part of my life, and I know that i'll never love someone the same way again... you only find one "first love" in your life no matter how corny that sounds.
And I definitely agree with you that drinking the problems away are no way solve that. LOLz i've seen myself drunk and it's not a pretty sight. I hope you'll get through your pain also and I wish you the best of luck bro.
LordSegan,
I'm glad that you somewhat know how I feel about all this. I sort of knew in the beginning of our relationship that this was going to be a tough one. All of her previous boyfriends were basically jacka$$es so it took me a long time to win her trust. And i know what you mean when you say you've doubled your knowledge of "life" since meeting her. I've learned and experieneced so many things with her that I wouldn't trade any of those moments for anything. I know how it feels to have to be the one to "bite the bullet" so to say. We both knew for awhile we shouldn't be together.
I really do hope that we'll be able to be friends... she's such an important part of my life, and I know that i'll never love someone the same way again... you only find one "first love" in your life no matter how corny that sounds.
And I definitely agree with you that drinking the problems away are no way solve that. LOLz i've seen myself drunk and it's not a pretty sight. I hope you'll get through your pain also and I wish you the best of luck bro.
You sound like you have things under control. PM me and we can chat about it over AIM or something. Good luck to you.Bam...one piece of advice...make it a clean a break...being friends just prolongs tha pain and emotional distress...be with freinds and AVOID the temptation to try to get in touch with her. Time heals and you will be a better person from this.
azim
azim
Play lots of computer games!!! Civilization 3 would be good because it keeps you busy managing your cities and resources.
two girls at the same time, or watch lots of lesbian pr0n. brings a smile to my face just thinking about it.
BoberFett
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 37,562
- 9
- 81
<< Peter: Hey Lawerence, what would you do with a millions dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd man...two chicks at the same time.
Peter: That's what you'd do with a millions dollars, two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn right always wanted to do that and with a million dollars, I think I could hook that up cause chicks dig guys with money.
Peter: Well not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind that would double up on guy like me would. >>
Sorry, I just thought this was necessary.
I'm married to my best friend and we have two kids, I love her to death and will never be with anyone else.
That being said, i still have unexorcised feelings for my first love. Perhaps because it ended badly and abruptly, I never felt there was a resolution. Now, i still exchange e-mails occasionally and we are on good terms but those things are still kind of hiding in the background and perhaps they always will be.
There is truth in the addage, time heals all wounds. You'll get over it just keep in mind that billions of forlorn lovers have preceded you and try and avoid doing anything you'll regret.
That being said, i still have unexorcised feelings for my first love. Perhaps because it ended badly and abruptly, I never felt there was a resolution. Now, i still exchange e-mails occasionally and we are on good terms but those things are still kind of hiding in the background and perhaps they always will be.
There is truth in the addage, time heals all wounds. You'll get over it just keep in mind that billions of forlorn lovers have preceded you and try and avoid doing anything you'll regret.
how weird.. am in the 1st to say pics?
love.. so complicated.. i will never understand women :|
there are many girls that have captivated my heart, some were easy to let go (even after being with them for a while), some just wont let you go (even after not being with them at all). so pathetic, why do they play such games?
love.. so complicated.. i will never understand women :|
there are many girls that have captivated my heart, some were easy to let go (even after being with them for a while), some just wont let you go (even after not being with them at all). so pathetic, why do they play such games?
For my first heart break,
- I moved my furniture, changed the layout of my bedroom
- Throw away everything that reminded me of the bastard
- Called a couple of friends, went out a lot
- Rented a couple of movies just in case I'm bored
- Learned how to cook some new stuff
- ...
Anything that kept my mind from idling was good enough
The most important thing, is to give it some time, and do what you've got to do. Don't waste your time away... There are tons of new girls to date!!! All the best!
- I moved my furniture, changed the layout of my bedroom
- Throw away everything that reminded me of the bastard
- Called a couple of friends, went out a lot
- Rented a couple of movies just in case I'm bored
- Learned how to cook some new stuff
- ...
Anything that kept my mind from idling was good enough
The most important thing, is to give it some time, and do what you've got to do. Don't waste your time away... There are tons of new girls to date!!!
All the best!I'm not sure if you can really get over your first love. However, time heals all wounds and even though you will never forget your FIRST partner, you will be able to move on eventually. It just takes time
I'd like to thank everyone for their support. I definitely know that this kind of thing doesn't go away in a few days. I've been trying to keep busy, mainly with work and school, to keep my mind off of things.
It's hard though... the littlest things always remind me of her. Thanks again!
It's hard though... the littlest things always remind me of her. Thanks again!
You don't. I have been married 23+ years to my second love but her picture is on top of my first love that I still have in my wallet. My wife finialy gave me a picture I liked from our honeymoon that is so faded now but it is still the first thing I see.
It's so cool that I made the right choice with my soulmate. I wish it for everybody!
It's so cool that I made the right choice with my soulmate. I wish it for everybody!
Carry on with your life man. Hang out with your friends, as friends usually stick by you no matter what obstacles may lie in your path. You'll eventually learn to let go of that, "OMG she was my first and only love," mentality. Fortunately and unfortunately for you, your ex didn't do anything that would have sped up your seperation anxiety.
On a second note, buy the first two Stabbing Westward albums, they'll do you in perfectly.
edit - as Azim said, trying to stay friends- chances are it will probably prolong your pain. Get over her first, then maybe you can look forward to befriending her, if she's willing to accept that is.
On a second note, buy the first two Stabbing Westward albums, they'll do you in perfectly.
edit - as Azim said, trying to stay friends- chances are it will probably prolong your pain. Get over her first, then maybe you can look forward to befriending her, if she's willing to accept that is.
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