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So heres a conundrum

Lean L

Lean L

Diamond Member
This has been bugging me for quite a while now.

There are usually two ways to have relationships with new people.

1) You care about them and what is happening in their lives. ie, you listen intently and respond to everything
2) You don't. ie you pay half attention and forget that they were even around

Now it seems strange to me that if you choose choice 1, you come off weird and it seems that they don't care a lot of the times (relative to how much you care)

If you choose 2, people are morely likely to be interested in you due to human nature, yet you ruin this if you start to care about them.

How can this puzzle be solved?
 
I used to over-analyze relationships too. There's really no point - people will like you, or they won't. It sounds cheesy, but just be yourself - there's no point in pursuing relationships with people who don't reciprocate the love, because it just won't last. Good relationships are effortless in terms of interaction - you'll just relax around the other person.The tricky thing is when you have friends of friends who are intricately in the circle with whom you don't really "click" that well. I had this problem with my friends in my freshman dorm - there were a couple people who I inherently like as people, but we just don't relate that well, which makes it hard to be alone with them.

Edit: But I think you're talking about women, so all logic goes out the window. It sounds like, no offense, you got no game. I used to have this problem before college. Just remember a few rules:

1. No girl will ever want to speak to you/hang out with you again if you make them feel awkward. They tend to confuse awkwardness with creepiness. Just throw in lots of little witty remarks, make them laugh, act care-free. Girls just want to have fun.

2. Don't pry too much. Make them feel comfortable without smothering them (I know, this can seem hard) and they'll talk non-stop. Ask questions or talk about yourself a little to keep a conversation going, and they'll reciprocate on the subject.

3. DON'T BE FRIEND-ZONED! Girls can easily tell when all you're thinking about is getting into their pants, so subtlety is important. Either wait for the right moment to make a move that indicates interest, or they'll give you an OBVIOUS opening (turn their head towards you, look you in the face waiting for a kiss). If you make a move (ie, putting a hand on their leg) and they're not interested, they'll immediately give you a response (take your hand away or move closer). Remember, they hate awkwardness - so if you get rejected, they're going to act like it never happened, and you should do the same, unless of course she was really leading you on.

Hope that helps - I think you can see that I'm bored and in a talkative mood. 😉
 
Originally posted by: Howard
I think I have what is a mosquito bite on my left elbow. It tempts me to scratch it.
Click to expand...

careful, if youre wrong and its some kind of poison rash it may just spread, then when you scratch your balls later, youre in for a hell of a time.
 
Originally posted by: ConstipatedVigilante
I used to over-analyze relationships too. There's really no point - people will like you, or they won't. It sounds cheesy, but just be yourself - there's no point in pursuing relationships with people who don't reciprocate the love, because it just won't last. Good relationships are effortless in terms of interaction - you'll just relax around the other person.The tricky thing is when you have friends of friends who are intricately in the circle with whom you don't really "click" that well. I had this problem with my friends in my freshman dorm - there were a couple people who I inherently like as people, but we just don't relate that well, which makes it hard to be alone with them.

Edit: But I think you're talking about women, so all logic goes out the window. It sounds like, no offense, you got no game. I used to have this problem before college. Just remember a few rules:

1. No girl will ever want to speak to you/hang out with you again if you make them feel awkward. They tend to confuse awkwardness with creepiness. Just throw in lots of little witty remarks, make them laugh, act care-free. Girls just want to have fun.

2. Don't pry too much. Make them feel comfortable without smothering them (I know, this can seem hard) and they'll talk non-stop. Ask questions or talk about yourself a little to keep a conversation going, and they'll reciprocate on the subject.

3. DON'T BE FRIEND-ZONED! Girls can easily tell when all you're thinking about is getting into their pants, so subtlety is important. Either wait for the right moment to make a move that indicates interest, or they'll give you an OBVIOUS opening (turn their head towards you, look you in the face waiting for a kiss). If you make a move (ie, putting a hand on their leg) and they're not interested, they'll immediately give you a response (take your hand away or move closer). Remember, they hate awkwardness - so if you get rejected, they're going to act like it never happened, and you should do the same, unless of course she was really leading you on.

Hope that helps - I think you can see that I'm bored and in a talkative mood. 😉
Click to expand...

Well, no, I didn't even mean girls specifically. I mean any realationship. I sometimes become close friends with someone by being a complete jackass and not even caring about what they say. I wasn't exactly mean but I would just not really care about them. Of course I became awkard once I started valuing the reationship.

As for the game part. It's true, I never had a gf, but I had plenty of girl friends. I was never awkard around them at all. That was last year though, when I didn't give a fuck about the world (and incidently, the world loved me). Fast foreward to now, I actually care about everything and therefore am likely to fail.
 
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
Originally posted by: ConstipatedVigilante
I used to over-analyze relationships too. There's really no point - people will like you, or they won't. It sounds cheesy, but just be yourself - there's no point in pursuing relationships with people who don't reciprocate the love, because it just won't last. Good relationships are effortless in terms of interaction - you'll just relax around the other person.The tricky thing is when you have friends of friends who are intricately in the circle with whom you don't really "click" that well. I had this problem with my friends in my freshman dorm - there were a couple people who I inherently like as people, but we just don't relate that well, which makes it hard to be alone with them.

Edit: But I think you're talking about women, so all logic goes out the window. It sounds like, no offense, you got no game. I used to have this problem before college. Just remember a few rules:

1. No girl will ever want to speak to you/hang out with you again if you make them feel awkward. They tend to confuse awkwardness with creepiness. Just throw in lots of little witty remarks, make them laugh, act care-free. Girls just want to have fun.

2. Don't pry too much. Make them feel comfortable without smothering them (I know, this can seem hard) and they'll talk non-stop. Ask questions or talk about yourself a little to keep a conversation going, and they'll reciprocate on the subject.

3. DON'T BE FRIEND-ZONED! Girls can easily tell when all you're thinking about is getting into their pants, so subtlety is important. Either wait for the right moment to make a move that indicates interest, or they'll give you an OBVIOUS opening (turn their head towards you, look you in the face waiting for a kiss). If you make a move (ie, putting a hand on their leg) and they're not interested, they'll immediately give you a response (take your hand away or move closer). Remember, they hate awkwardness - so if you get rejected, they're going to act like it never happened, and you should do the same, unless of course she was really leading you on.

Hope that helps - I think you can see that I'm bored and in a talkative mood. 😉
Click to expand...

Well, no, I didn't even mean girls specifically. I mean any realationship. I sometimes become close friends with someone by being a complete jackass and not even caring about what they say. I wasn't exactly mean but I would just not really care about them. Of course I became awkard once I started valuing the reationship.

As for the game part. It's true, I never had a gf, but I had plenty of girl friends. I was never awkard around them at all. That was last year though, when I didn't give a fuck about the world (and incidently, the world loved me). Fast foreward to now, I actually care about everything and therefore am likely to fail.
Click to expand...

Certainly are with that attitude. "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right."

Did I stumble into L&R?
 
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
That was last year though, when I didn't give a fuck about the world (and incidently, the world loved me). Fast foreward to now, I actually care about everything and therefore am likely to fail.
Click to expand...

So... you just turned 13 and are noticing girls?
did puberty really hit you that hard?
 
I got caught with that same conundrum too. That was after I totally didn't give a shit and was just myself. I think when I was myself, I was able to do both of what you said, but it was genuine. Sometimes if I didn't give a shit about what they said, that's what I'd show. But if they said something that caught my attention, then I'd delve into it. I didn't pressure myself or anyone else, everything came naturally. I made a shitload more friends then and girls came much more easily. Then I started overanalyzing relationships and I felt like I needed to be nicer. I did #1 on your list, and everything fell apart - I became awkward around everyone and everyone felt awkward around me.
I'm still trying to get back into being myself, but it's been pretty hard.
 
Originally posted by: guyver01
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
That was last year though, when I didn't give a fuck about the world (and incidently, the world loved me). Fast foreward to now, I actually care about everything and therefore am likely to fail.
Click to expand...

So... you just turned 13 and are noticing girls?
did puberty really hit you that hard?
Click to expand...

Nice conclusion. Not quite. Back then my social situation was different, I had an excess amount of human interaction so I didn't care whose feelings I hurt. Now, quite the oppsite.

See astroidea's post, fits how I feel pretty well
 
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
See astroidea's post, fits how I feel pretty well
Click to expand...

oh.. so in other words... you were a goth, angst loser... and now yer an emo loser...

got it.

:thumbsup:

 
Originally posted by: guyver01
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
See astroidea's post, fits how I feel pretty well
Click to expand...

oh.. so in other words... you were a goth, angst loser... and now yer an emo loser...

got it.

:thumbsup:
Click to expand...

Well aren't you a smash mouth all star. It's nice to see you getting some things. Good for you.😀
 
Originally posted by: guyver01
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
It's nice to see you getting some things. Good for you.😀
Click to expand...

between that, and getting laid... that's two more things i get that you dont.

😛
Click to expand...

I have morals, the same shemales that you do will make me feel dirty.

What was the first thing you got again?
 
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
What was the first thing you got again?
Click to expand...

i dont have any nemesis 😛
i can actually smile and be meaningful 😛
oh.. and your mom says hi...shouldn't you be in bed?

almost forgot....
every post i make isn't "wahhhh .. people dont like me... waahhhhh"
 
Originally posted by: guyver01
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
What was the first thing you got again?
Click to expand...

i dont have any nemesis 😛
i can actually smile and be meaningful 😛
oh.. and your mom says hi...shouldn't you be in bed?

almost forgot....
every post i make isn't "wahhhh .. people dont like me... waahhhhh"
Click to expand...

Now I know what you do with your time. It's kinda creeping me out actually. Be a doll and please don't drug me.
 
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
Now I know what you do with your time. It's kinda creeping me out actually. Be a doll and please don't drug me.
Click to expand...

don't worry.. you're nothing special...
anyone who reads these forums is probably familair with iamanidiot's posts.

they're entertaining and laffable.

seriously? do you need 6 different topics crying about how people don't like you and you can't smile, and you're emo?

you're like the a bad train wreck... you know it's gonna be ugly, but ya can't help but look

 
Originally posted by: guyver01
Originally posted by: iamanidiot
Now I know what you do with your time. It's kinda creeping me out actually. Be a doll and please don't drug me.
Click to expand...

don't worry.. you're nothing special...
anyone who reads these forums is probably familair with iamanidiot's posts.

they're entertaining and laffable.

seriously? do you need 6 different topics crying about how people don't like you and you can't smile, and you're emo?

you're like the a bad train wreck... you know it's gonna be ugly, but ya can't help but look
Click to expand...

You know, that didn't really help your point.
 
Originally posted by: GodlessAstronomer
You're a virgin. I can tell.

Stop over analysing social situations.
Click to expand...

You guys can relate I guess. Maybe you can solve each other's 'problem'
 
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