snip

[GT1999]

Looks fine, I would send it sooner rather than later. Don't worry so much about specifics of this but rather when you speak to HR or your future manager.

Good luck.

 

[zinfamous]

really, guys?


--pics of uncle's new wife--stat!

 

[radhak]

didn't send it yet. let me know what to change. open for any criticism/comments

When you want somebody to do something for you, make it easier for them to help you - ask specifically, don't allow anything fuzzy. I have redone your email just a bit, you might be able to add some more (or other) specific questions.

Hi Rachel,

We talked on Saturday at the family picnic about your work at The Vanguard Group. I am very interested in a job opportunity there, and would be grateful for any pointers or help you could give me.

My background - I have a strong interest in financial and investment analysis. I majored in Economics (B.S.) from [university] and during my time there I was an active member of the [economics association].

I am attaching my generic resume here.
- Do you think it has sufficient detail?
- If you have a specific position in mind, would you like me to highlight relevant parts of my experience?
- If you forward this to somebody else, would you like me to contact them directly?

My phone number is 555-555-5555 and my email is abc@xyz.com.

Thanks again,

Wefly High

 

[thing1thing2]

I'm with radhak, be specific on what you're looking for, what type of positions you're looking for and also give her some background on what you've done, projects at school, etc.

Is that your real email address, I would rather have a first.lastname@gmail.com than what you have for your edu address.

 

[weflyhigh]

snip

 

[lightpants]

didn't send it yet. let me know what to change. open for any criticism/comments

I think you need to add a few commas.


Hi Rachel,

We talked on Saturday, at the family picnic, about your work at The Vanguard Group. I am very interested in a job opportunity there, and would be grateful for any pointers or help you could give me.

My background - I have a strong interest in financial and investment analysis. I majored in Economics (B.S.) from [university], and during my time there I was an active member of the [economics association].

I am attaching my generic resume here.
- Do you think it has sufficient detail?
- If you have a specific position in mind, would you like me to highlight relevant parts of my experience?
- If you forward this to somebody else, would you like me to contact them directly?

My phone number is 555-555-5555 and my email is abc@xyz.com.

Thanks again,

Wefly High