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Smiling when very, very angy...YACounseling T

G

Gravity

Diamond Member
So, we're in our first couples counseling session, been married 15 years, last 3 been very, very difficult.

The counselor asks my wife to tell her how she feels about one thing or another and I can tell she's disturbed. She can't respond, starts biting her lip and then breaks into a cheshire cat-like grin. The counselor asks "are you angy?" Wifey nods and then smiles bigger.

Several more questions go unaswered but the grin persists. I'm a bit confused at her unwillingness/inability to answer, start thinkin that her lip is really gonna hurt later since she is nearly chewing a hole through it by now.

I think of Smith in the Matrix "what good is a phone call Mr. Anderson, when you can't....speak."

Wifey tries but can't speak and just maintains this billboard sized smile on her mug.

So, my question to you, what does the smile mean? I know that at my age, and knowing the wife for 16 years, I should be able to figure it out. I thought I'd get your opinions since some of you have been there, done that.

Thanks,
 
I don't understand... You know it means she's angry and uncomfortable with expressing her anger any other way. What's the question, exactly?
 
Originally posted by: Nebor
I don't understand... You know it means she's angry and uncomfortable with expressing her anger any other way. What's the question, exactly?
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The question, is what does that smile mean? Why wouldn't she speak about whatever's on her mind since we are at absolute rock bottom and in the comfort of a counselor's office? What malfunction causes people to smile broadly if they are very angry?
 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: Nebor
I don't understand... You know it means she's angry and uncomfortable with expressing her anger any other way. What's the question, exactly?
Click to expand...

The question, is what does that smile mean? Why wouldn't she speak about whatever's on her mind since we are at absolute rock bottom and in the comfort of a counselor's office? What malfunction causes people to smile broadly if they are very angry?
Click to expand...

Because whatever she's so angry about, she doesn't feel comfortable discussing.
 
Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
sounds like someone trying to hold back tears.
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The grin was huge, much larger than a "I'm about to laugh" grin or a "I love my new car" grin.

I didn't see tears coming...she's never really done much crying.
 
Instead of having your wife talk to a person that she doesnt know, how aobut you talk to her. Ask her specific question over a nice quiet dinner about your marriage and why she is so angry.
 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
sounds like someone trying to hold back tears.
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The grin was huge, much larger than a "I'm about to laugh" grin or a "I love my new car" grin.

I didn't see tears coming...she's never really done much crying.
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I bite holes in my lip when im uncomfortable with the situation and am about to cry. smiling helps hold the tears back.
 
Since you are seeing a counselor and now asking us this... I'd suggest you TALK TO HER.

Obviously she didn't feel comfortable stating whatever was on her mind. Perhaps she knew what your reaction would be (how do you usually react to things?) and didn't want to set off that reaction. But she also was mad enough that she wanted it to be transparent.
 
I would think that people would be really open (especially men) in these scenarios because we're generally more laid back and don't care about talking about this stuff.

I know it would be extremely difficult to do counseling because she says it's wrong to have an external person try to diagnose and recommend advice for a couples relationship because they are so so very unique.
 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Really? Smiling does?
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yep. I remember when my husband and I went out to dinner with his parents and his dad started to insult MY father. I just put on a HUGE grin and bit my lip because i was about to cry. Unfortunately, he didnt get the hint and actually made me cry. But it's my first reaction as well.
 
...why don't u guys get some great big over stuffed boxing gloves and let her win..seems to work..and you'll get rewarded later for being a good sport..
 
Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
Originally posted by: Gravity
Really? Smiling does?
Click to expand...

yep. I remember when my husband and I went out to dinner with his parents and his dad started to insult MY father. I just put on a HUGE grin and bit my lip because i was about to cry. Unfortunately, he didnt get the hint and actually made me cry. But it's my first reaction as well.
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Thanks TT. I find that very helpful.
 
Originally posted by: IGBT
...why don't u guys get some great big over stuffed boxing gloves and let her win..seems to work..and you'll get rewarded later for being a good sport..
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I'm open to that...I'll suggest it next time.
 
I have seen that look before in my previous experimental marriages.


I hate to say this but my guess is that she thinks the shrink is full of sh!t and what you are doing is a waste of time.

Sysadmin
 
Originally posted by: Aharami
what were the questions she was being asked? that might help us a little?
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Um, what could your husband to to move the quality of your marriage from a 0 (zero) to a one.

That was after we rated our relationship from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest.

We both agreed that it was in the zero to 1 rating. I felt that we peaked at times in the 7-8 range, she claims it never got close to a 5 but might have been a 4 at a few moments.

Then she couldn't come up with anything that she would like me to do or stop doing...the cheshire session began and she had that "matrix fused lips" thingy goin on. I felt very bad for her at that point.
 
Originally posted by: Sysadmin
I have seen that look before in my previous experimental marriages.


I hate to say this but my guess is that she thinks the shrink is full of sh!t and what you are doing is a waste of time.

Sysadmin
Click to expand...

I've considered that...still considering that. HOpe it's not true. I kinda think she wants revenge instead of reconciliation.
 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: Sysadmin
I have seen that look before in my previous experimental marriages.


I hate to say this but my guess is that she thinks the shrink is full of sh!t and what you are doing is a waste of time.

Sysadmin
Click to expand...

I've considered that...still considering that. HOpe it's not true. I kinda think she wants revenge instead of reconciliation.
Click to expand...

revenge?

Why would she want revenge? did you cheat?
 
Originally posted by: Gravity
Originally posted by: Sysadmin
I have seen that look before in my previous experimental marriages.


I hate to say this but my guess is that she thinks the shrink is full of sh!t and what you are doing is a waste of time.

Sysadmin
Click to expand...

I've considered that...still considering that. HOpe it's not true. I kinda think she wants revenge instead of reconciliation.
Click to expand...

why does she want revenge? did u cheat on her?
 
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