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Sister-in-law's wedding plans - quite irritating

K

krunchykrome

Lifer
My sister-in-law and her fiancee are getting married next year. Fantastic; he's a nice guy and they're perfect for each other. However, their wedding plans have been pissing me off lately. We all live in MD. For their bachelor/bachelorette party, they want to go to vegas for 3 nights. Not to mention stay in one of the most expensive hotels. Their wedding will be here in MD, however, since the guy is from Taiwan, they want to have a 2nd wedding a week afterwards in Taiwan (which will essentially be a 1-2 week trip for my wife and I).

The flight to Vegas was $700, the hotel room we booked was $800, and we probably need around $1500 for spending money (between the two of us). Then there's the trip to Taiwain for 1-2 weeks. I haven't booked anything official yet for this, but I'm guessing it will run us around $5,000 for everything. Of course, there's the wedding gift, which will probably be around $100.

Their wedding plans are going to run me around $8,100 total! Don't you think this is a bit excessive, especially considering the tough econcomic climate we're in. Now, granted we all have jobs, but none of us are wealthy. We're middle class people. The groom-to-be is a teacher, and the bride-to-be works retail right now while she finishes her degree to be a teacher also. Despite their meager combined income, they're trying to live like rock stars (probably on credit) and it's pissing me off because (as family) we're forced to ride along with this.

Another thing, within the last year, they bought a house near us. At least once a week, they're coming over asking to borrow stuff such as pots, pans, ice coolers, camping supplies, stain remover, cheese graters, etc. Random things that they should buy for themselves as homeowners. They can plan an elaborate wedding(s) but they can't buy a cheese grater!!???
 
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For destination weddings, you have no obligation to go. That is especially true if there are multiple destinations. Attend the event closest to you and respectfully decline the others. Problem solved.

The other problem will be mostly solved once they have tons of wedding presents. And at least you know EXACTLY what they really need.
 
The elaborate wedding is to impress other people. Nobody knows that they borrow your cheese grater.

There's no good answer to this problem, but I know what I would do. I would not spend that kind of money for a wedding and I would simply say "Sorry, we can't afford to go to Vegas or to Taiwan." That would end it as far as I would be concerned.

If you choose to go, then do it cheerfully. Don't go through with it and be angry the whole time about what it's costing you.
 
Let them know they can plan whatever they want, but if they want you to be there they are going to need to foot the bill.
 
Wow, that is a lot to ask.
They probably haven't even considered how much asking you to do all of that will cost your family
 
Don't go to Taiwan? Vegas could be a fun vacation for you and your wife (if you can afford it) but going to Taiwan for a second wedding is completely unnecessary.

If you don't think you can go to either, don't. Family is family but you aren't obligated to put yourself in debt because a family member is.
 
1. Skip Vegas, go to Taiwan. Vegas will still be here. Seeing Taiwan with people who can show you around...better.
2. If you are really troubled by the 8100...skip both Vegas & Taiwan. Go to the MD wedding, buy them a $500 wedding present & call it a day.

Minimize your losses.
 
I don't understand how you are thinking you are going to spend $1500 in Vegas.... what are you planning on doing?
 
I'd skip vegas and try to go to Taiwan if we could afford it. If we couldn't afford it, I wouldn't do either.
 
kranky said:
The elaborate wedding is to impress other people. Nobody knows that they borrow your cheese grater.

There's no good answer to this problem, but I know what I would do. I would not spend that kind of money for a wedding and I would simply say "Sorry, we can't afford to go to Vegas or to Taiwan." That would end it as far as I would be concerned.

If you choose to go, then do it cheerfully. Don't go through with it and be angry the whole time about what it's costing you.
Click to expand...

kranky is dead on.

IF you don't want to go and blow that kind of money just say you can't afford it. But if you decide to go then don't be angry since its your decision.

me? i wouldnt go to either. now is not the time to be blowing so much damn money (unless you make that a month then its not a good idea).
 
Somebody has got to man up and tell the bride and groom they're being selfish. This isn't the first time this has happened. If they want to have extravagant plans, they need to foot the bill for everyone, the wedding party at the very least.
 
waggy said:
kranky is dead on.

IF you don't want to go and blow that kind of money just say you can't afford it. But if you decide to go then don't be angry since its your decision.

me? i wouldnt go to either. now is not the time to be blowing so much damn money (unless you make that a month then its not a good idea).
Click to expand...

You're right, if I decide to go along with everything, then I should make sure I go happily; otherwise, it wouldn't be good for anyone.

Maybe I'll consider not doing the Taiwan trip. This whole wedding thing won't put us in debt, but it will force us not to save a substantial amount of money next year, and probably spend some money from our savings account.

Every time I see them lately, I have to bite my tongue before I tell them how I really feel about them and their irresponsible financial decisions.
 
+1 on just the local wedding, unless they want to pay your travel expenses to Taiwan. Vegas up to you.

Someone else's wedding shouldn't cost you this damn much, period. They need to pull their heads out of their asses.
 
I wouldn't go. If you want me to do all this crazy shit to watch you get married, then you need to be paying for it. If you're family and you live way far away, I'll fly in to your wedding for a day. If you live near me and are just doing stupid bullshit that costs a lot of money, no thanks.
 
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