SCIENTIFIC PROOF THAT GOD DISAPPROVES OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Now, I'm no astrophysicist, but at least I can spell it, and I saw Carl Sagan on TV once. The last time I posted an attempt to reconcile science and religion on this board, there was an underwhelming response, but considering the amount of neffage that is going on lately, I'm going to give it another go in hopes that some of you will post 'LMAO' or a smiley or an isolated punctuation mark just to up your post count.
Let us postulate that God is a point mass, centered at the origin of our xyz space. Christ, we will assume, is at the right hand of God, or about 100 centimeters away. His mass is probably around 75 kilograms. Since God has a very large mass (a bit less than infinity), Christ, who we will assume is in a circular orbit around God, has a very large momentum, and hence has a very small wavelength. This means that Christ's uncertainty is quite small, so we can therefore conclude that he is fairly certain in all that he does.
Now let us consider a sinner. We shall place him at a large distance from God, say one inch and 45 million light-years. He, also being in a circular orbit, will be traveling significantly slower than Christ, and will therefore be more uncertain about it. One should also consider, however, that since Christ's orbit could fit in a kiddie pool, while the sinner's would encompass not only our galaxy, but a few of the nearby ones as well, that the sinner gets around more, sees more, and is generally a more knowledgeable guy than the Saviour. This fits in with traditional wisdom. From this situation we can draw the conclusion that sinners have a lot more potential than saints, since less of their energy is stored in kinetic form.
Further insights can be gained when we look at the situation of the Heathen. Heathens have no knowledge of God. This means that they are at least a infinite distance from Him. Now, assuming that one of these guys starts to travel towards God, he will convert his potential energy to kinetic energy during the approach, or descent. Since he started out an infinite distance away, but with some kinetic energy of his own, he will approach God on a hyperbolic trajectory and then disappear into space, never to be seen again. If his approach is such that it brings him inside the orbit of the Son of God, then right after his closest approach, the sinner's velocity will be greater than Jesus's, which means that he will be more sure of himself in his escape than Christ is in orbit. This is an interesting notion, but some of the side ramifications are even more intriguing.
Without any orbiters, therefore, God would not be able to attract anyone: all approaching bodies would have either parabolic or hyperbolic trajectories. However, once God has an orbiter, the two of them could collaborate to capture other bodies. This means that heathens that get too close to believers in their approaches might get trapped, and by the same token, believers who are buzzed by heathens could be ejected.
And what, you might well ask at this point, does any of this scientio/theo babble have to do with homosexuality? Well, the answer is this: sex, as we all know, is the union of two (or more) individuals. This, in our analogy, would be represented as a collision. In Christianity, almost all of the holy figures are male, with the one major exception being a perpetual virgin, and therefore out of the running as far as this analogy is concerned (her devotees will probably go off and start their own analogy.) For God, a collision between any of these holy men would be disastrous, because, even if we assume they are indestructible, such a high energy collision would:
~ eject one of the men in it,
~ cause one of them to fall into God,
~ or give them highly irregular elliptical orbits.
All of these would be bad news for God, because in the first two cases He would lose orbiters, making His chance at capturing new ones less, and in the third case He would have a much greater chance of more collisions, as the elliptical orbiters would cross many of the unaffected circular orbits. Therefore, it is obvious that God disapproves of these collisions. Next week we will discuss the use of the electron microscope to scan the heads of pins in an attempt to take a census of heavenly beings engaged in terpsichorean activities.
Now, I'm no astrophysicist, but at least I can spell it, and I saw Carl Sagan on TV once. The last time I posted an attempt to reconcile science and religion on this board, there was an underwhelming response, but considering the amount of neffage that is going on lately, I'm going to give it another go in hopes that some of you will post 'LMAO' or a smiley or an isolated punctuation mark just to up your post count.
Let us postulate that God is a point mass, centered at the origin of our xyz space. Christ, we will assume, is at the right hand of God, or about 100 centimeters away. His mass is probably around 75 kilograms. Since God has a very large mass (a bit less than infinity), Christ, who we will assume is in a circular orbit around God, has a very large momentum, and hence has a very small wavelength. This means that Christ's uncertainty is quite small, so we can therefore conclude that he is fairly certain in all that he does.
Now let us consider a sinner. We shall place him at a large distance from God, say one inch and 45 million light-years. He, also being in a circular orbit, will be traveling significantly slower than Christ, and will therefore be more uncertain about it. One should also consider, however, that since Christ's orbit could fit in a kiddie pool, while the sinner's would encompass not only our galaxy, but a few of the nearby ones as well, that the sinner gets around more, sees more, and is generally a more knowledgeable guy than the Saviour. This fits in with traditional wisdom. From this situation we can draw the conclusion that sinners have a lot more potential than saints, since less of their energy is stored in kinetic form.
Further insights can be gained when we look at the situation of the Heathen. Heathens have no knowledge of God. This means that they are at least a infinite distance from Him. Now, assuming that one of these guys starts to travel towards God, he will convert his potential energy to kinetic energy during the approach, or descent. Since he started out an infinite distance away, but with some kinetic energy of his own, he will approach God on a hyperbolic trajectory and then disappear into space, never to be seen again. If his approach is such that it brings him inside the orbit of the Son of God, then right after his closest approach, the sinner's velocity will be greater than Jesus's, which means that he will be more sure of himself in his escape than Christ is in orbit. This is an interesting notion, but some of the side ramifications are even more intriguing.
Without any orbiters, therefore, God would not be able to attract anyone: all approaching bodies would have either parabolic or hyperbolic trajectories. However, once God has an orbiter, the two of them could collaborate to capture other bodies. This means that heathens that get too close to believers in their approaches might get trapped, and by the same token, believers who are buzzed by heathens could be ejected.
And what, you might well ask at this point, does any of this scientio/theo babble have to do with homosexuality? Well, the answer is this: sex, as we all know, is the union of two (or more) individuals. This, in our analogy, would be represented as a collision. In Christianity, almost all of the holy figures are male, with the one major exception being a perpetual virgin, and therefore out of the running as far as this analogy is concerned (her devotees will probably go off and start their own analogy.) For God, a collision between any of these holy men would be disastrous, because, even if we assume they are indestructible, such a high energy collision would:
~ eject one of the men in it,
~ cause one of them to fall into God,
~ or give them highly irregular elliptical orbits.
All of these would be bad news for God, because in the first two cases He would lose orbiters, making His chance at capturing new ones less, and in the third case He would have a much greater chance of more collisions, as the elliptical orbiters would cross many of the unaffected circular orbits. Therefore, it is obvious that God disapproves of these collisions. Next week we will discuss the use of the electron microscope to scan the heads of pins in an attempt to take a census of heavenly beings engaged in terpsichorean activities.
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