Should I Turn My Kid In ?

[Carbo]

It came to my attention last night that my daughter, who is just now graduating from Middle School, cheated on her math final in order to pass. Apparently, some classmate gave her the answers during the test. She never would have passed the test otherwise. Studying is not cool because it interferes with her time on the phone and AIM.
All during this past school year I had my suspicions about her grades because she all but never gives school and homework a moment's thought. I suspected she was getting by on cunning and guile and shortcuts, but until I overheard her on the phone last night talking with a friend about how she had cheated, I was never certain. Now, I know.
My dilemma as a parent is really gnawing at me. Do I let it slide so she doesn't suffer the indignities and consequences of her actions? Or, do I contact the school and let her face the music?

 

[Czar]

cut down her aim time

 

[schmedy]

The problems I am going to face, ugh my wife is due in a month. I would first have to at the VERY LLEAST take away her phone and computer screwing off privelages and let her use it only for school work. Looks like its time to drop the hammer and watch what she is doing and help her with her school work, find out why she can't do it and try and fix it then show her that cheating isn't going to get her anywhere.

 

[The Dancing Peacock]

punish her on your terms, she's your daughter, you know what happened. you turn her in, she's going to resent you more than even a normal teenager resents their parents. Restrict her computer use, no phone, etc. It's summer, don't let her go out, she'll hate that. Hell, send her to a math tutor, or make her take summer school for the class, but I would say not to turn her in.

 

[gopunk]

wow, that's tough. i would say punish her, but don't turn her in. this could f*ck up her life (as far as academics go)... so hopefully you can find a way to teach her a lesson without doing that kind of permanent damage to her record.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

If she needs maths for the study she chose she will have to be able to pass the test, and she needs to learn it in some way.
If she doesn't, at least give her some punishment, but you don't have to turn her in.

 

[gopunk]

fyi, i cheated on a math test once... so that i could get into a good one the following year. in the 4 math classes i've taken as a college student, i've 4.0'ed 2 of them (no cheating... cheating in college is just not worth the risk), and done really bad in 2 of them. take that for what it's worth, i can't make any sense out of it

cheated on like 4 history and language arts tests in middle school as well. funny thing is, i got the highest scores for those... i don't cheat at all anymore though, because like i said, it's not worth it in college. you can expelled for that kind of stuff, and it goes on your permanent record. you should make sure she knows that this is absolutely unacceptable in hs and college, not just with you, but with authorities. she really can't risk this kind of stuff.

oh, and i got caught selling my answers to hw too.... ah, days of yore...

 

[benliong]

Don't turn her in. Deal with this "in the house". You don't want your daughter to hate u for the following 5 years to come.

Try putting her computer in the living room. It worked on me when my parents did that. Definitely remove the phone from her room, and most important of all, spend more time with her helping on homework and such.

Good luck.

 

[Carbo]

At this time she has no idea that I know. I agree that some punishment is in order. But, to what extent? Summer vacation begins today. I work out of my home office. She is already bored! Restricting her phone/TV/computer time makes my life even more miserable. I don't know if that's the solution. Summer school is a great idea, and one I've already looked into. Problem is, since she didn't fail the local school district won't allow her to attend. This truly is quite the conundrum.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Carbo
At this time she has no idea that I know. I agree that some punishment is in order. But, to what extent? Summer vacation begins today. I work out of my home office. She is already bored! Restricting her phone/TV/computer time makes my life even more miserable. I don't know if that's the solution. Summer school is a great idea, and one I've already looked into. Problem is, since she didn't fail the local school district won't allow her to attend. This truly is quite the conundrum.

where do you live? you could send her to summer school that is not run by the public schools. it'll probably be better anyways.

you shouldn't restrict her computer time (god no) but maybe delete AIM and restrict her installation privileges. that way she can still do useful stuff on the computer. teach her C++ or something

 

[FoBoT]

send her to math camp for a week

 

[gopunk]

another suggestion... if you send her to summer school, consider sending her to it for chemistry or some hard science like that.

the reason i say this is because i think public schools really do not have very good science programs (at least mine didn't). and science is one of the toughest subjects, imo.

 

[Carbo]

We reside in south Florida. And we are in the midst of some of the worst school districts in the country. Most schools in this area are nothing more than social clubs where the kids meet to recharge their cell phones.

 

[gopunk]

hmm, would it be possible to tutor her yourself (or your wife do it)? that's what my mom did *every goddamn summer*... i still got to play and stuff, but i did math for a few hours each day. i really sucked at math when i was little, so this was important

 

[Lucky]

tough call. Until you can find something like a summer school she can goto I'd recommend just making her clean the house, mow the yard, clear the gutters, etc.

 

[Carbo]

Nah, we've tried to help her but it has not worked out. In part, because my wife and I are not very proficient at mathematics. And in part because she becomes very combative and insistent that we don't know squat and she knows it all. It ain't worth the aggravation, my friend.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Carbo
Nah, we've tried to help her but it has not worked out. In part, because my wife and I are not very proficient at mathematics. And in part because she becomes very combative and insistent that we don't know squat and she knows it all. It ain't worth the aggravation, my friend.

maybe you can do the asian/jewish guilt thing, where you confront her, get a sad look in your eye (cry if you can), shake your head, and scream "where did i go wrong"

 

[Carbo]

maybe you can do the asian/jewish guilt thing, where you confront her, get a sad look in your eye (cry if you can), shake your head, and scream "where did i go wrong"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Don't think I can pull that one off. I'm Italian..............maybe I should do the Italian thing??

 

[rubix]

have her retake the class in summer school even though she passed. or get a copy of the test and make her study for it and pass it herself in front of you. don't tell the school.

 

[Azraele]

Contact the school and let her face the music. She needs to get her act straight. She also needs to learn responsibility and priority.

 

[skace]

Whats after middle school? Straight to college? I didn't have middle school... had junior high / high school.

I do not know the correct punishment or method that would help her in any way. What I do know is that I wouldn't turn her in or ruin her summer vacation. I never met a kid who cheated that changed his ways because he/she got turned in. Also, ruining her summer vacation is bad in my opinion because I consider them in short supply. You are only a kid once, summer vacations are in short demand when you get older.

I think I would start by simply asking her what she hopes to gain from school. Where she plans to go in life. Usually by asking people things, you can make them come to a realization. Her realization would be that she is only short changing herself by cheating. Quiz her on the material of the final, make her realize that she still does not know something that may be important to her in a later year.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Carbo

maybe you can do the asian/jewish guilt thing, where you confront her, get a sad look in your eye (cry if you can), shake your head, and scream "where did i go wrong"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Don't think I can pull that one off. I'm Italian..............maybe I should do the Italian thing??

where you get "fat lips" louie to pay her a little visit?

man kids that age are tough... my little sister is that age. she's pretty cool, but she needs to get her act together... she sounds kind of like your daughter...too much phone, aim, friends, etc. i wish i could find a way to impress upon her how important it is to plan for the future, but i haven't found any simple way of doing this, other than talking with her for a long time. if you find a way, let me know... my sister wants to be a professional hairdresser. argh, i felt like giving her a good whack in the head when she said that.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: skace
Whats after middle school? Straight to college? I didn't have middle school... had junior high / high school.

I do not know the correct punishment or method that would help her in any way. What I do know is that I wouldn't turn her in or ruin her summer vacation. I never met a kid who cheated that changed his ways because he/she got turned in. Also, ruining her summer vacation is bad in my opinion because I consider them in short supply. You are only a kid once, summer vacations are in short demand when you get older.

I think I would start by simply asking her what she hopes to gain from school. Where she plans to go in life. Usually by asking people things, you can make them come to a realization. Her realization would be that she is only short changing herself by cheating. Quiz her on the material of the final, make her realize that she still does not know something that may be important to her in a later year.

middle school is 6-8. btw, i changed after i got caught... i stopped. i used to be a shoplifter too.... got caught, stopped. dunno, maybe i'm the exception to the rule.

 

[Migroo]

I am in two minds, but I would restrict the AIM usage without a second thought.

 

[Carbo]

where you get "fat lips" louie to pay her a little visit?

I am "Fat Lips" Louie.