Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog licking itself. One says to the other, "I wish I could do that!" The other guys says, "Maybe you should pet him first!"
There's a little boy in a park eating a lollipop. An older gentleman walks up to him.
Old Man: You know that eating candy will rot your teeth?
Boy: My grandfather lived to be 105.
Old Man: Did he eat candy?
Boy: No, but he minded his own fvcking business!
There's a little boy in a park eating a lollipop. An older gentleman walks up to him.
Old Man: You know that eating candy will rot your teeth?
Boy: My grandfather lived to be 105.
Old Man: Did he eat candy?
Boy: No, but he minded his own fvcking business!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
What is the difference between the garbage and a redhead?
At least the garbage gets taken out once a week.
At least the garbage gets taken out once a week.
what is the standard mating call of a blonde?
"I'm so drunk!"
What is the mating call of a brunette?
"Is that blonde gone yet?"
What is the mating call of a redhead?
"NEXT!
"I'm so drunk!"
What is the mating call of a brunette?
"Is that blonde gone yet?"
What is the mating call of a redhead?
"NEXT!
Why don't men ever get MAD COW DISEASE?
Because men are all PIGS.
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging
Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
Because men are all PIGS.
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging
Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
A Man's Perfect Breakfast
You pour your Wheaties into the bowl and notice your son on the front of the package.
You pick up you Maxim magazine and notice your girlfriend on the cover.
You pour some milk on your cereal and notice your wife is on the back of the carton.
You pour your Wheaties into the bowl and notice your son on the front of the package.
You pick up you Maxim magazine and notice your girlfriend on the cover.
You pour some milk on your cereal and notice your wife is on the back of the carton.
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says "Single, huh?" The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?" He says, "Because you're f**ing ugly".
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says "Single, huh?" The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?" He says, "Because you're f**ing ugly".
Did you hear about the guy that was in a bad car accident and had to have his left side amputated?
He's all right now.
He's all right now.
Another one from an earlier thread:
What does a dyslexic, agnostic atheist do?
Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
What does a dyslexic, agnostic atheist do?
Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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