Serious family problems...Need Ideas

[GeekDrew]

How about *you* or someone that you both trust, sit down with him, or go for a walk with him, or whatever, alone. So nobody else is nearby, and ask him what's going on. He sounds a lot like most people would have seen me in high school... spending 40-60+ hours / week on the computer. My parents and the general public said that I was just addicted to the computer and gaming (which is always interesting, since I've never been a gamer), even though I just did it because it was an easy way for me to avoid other things in my life that cause me tremendous stress.

I was very much against counselling... I can't blame *anyone* for wanting to die over having to see a psychiatrist/psychologist. They operate largely on assumptions, and not facts. And yes, I still say that, after numerous evaluations conducted by psychiatrists and psychologists concluded that I was mentally stable, and that the harmful environment that I was living in was causing [all kinds of stuff I won't go into here].

Just *talk* to him before you pull the plug on his PC. If he's just an addicted gamer, and needs intervention, then by all means, heave ho. But if there's reasonable doubt that his excessive amounts of time gaming may be a side effect of another issue, then investigate for at least a few minutes before making him feel even worse.

 

[The Sauce]

Sounds to me like he is developing schizophrenia. I can understand being addicted to a video game but there are other red flags there.

 

[LASTGUY2GETPS2]

What's his computer knoledge level? Why don't you just close the ports that connect to Blizzard Servers or close them for certain times of day?

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: fisher
tell your parents to try parenting for once and take some control of their house. if i'd pulled this crap when i was a kid my dad would have kicked my ass, with the computer! kids these days are idiots.

QFT

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: GeekDrew
How about *you* or someone that you both trust, sit down with him, or go for a walk with him, or whatever, alone. So nobody else is nearby, and ask him what's going on. He sounds a lot like most people would have seen me in high school... spending 40-60+ hours / week on the computer. My parents and the general public said that I was just addicted to the computer and gaming (which is always interesting, since I've never been a gamer), even though I just did it because it was an easy way for me to avoid other things in my life that cause me tremendous stress.

I was very much against counselling... I can't blame *anyone* for wanting to die over having to see a psychiatrist/psychologist. They operate largely on assumptions, and not facts. And yes, I still say that, after numerous evaluations conducted by psychiatrists and psychologists concluded that I was mentally stable, and that the harmful environment that I was living in was causing [all kinds of stuff I won't go into here].

Just *talk* to him before you pull the plug on his PC. If he's just an addicted gamer, and needs intervention, then by all means, heave ho. But if there's reasonable doubt that his excessive amounts of time gaming may be a side effect of another issue, then investigate for at least a few minutes before making him feel even worse.

Ummm, first of all, I was exactly the same way when I was younger, but there is no way in h3ll that I would talk to my parents that way about a freaking computer game. I would have the crap kicked out of me literally by my dad if I had talked like that or acted like that.

Also, there is nothing wrong with a Psychiatrist or a Counselor. Most of the time it is just a sounding board for you to reason through your problems. Unless I was mentally unstable to the point of being unable to handle my own thought process, I would take counseling advice with a slight grain of salt (I would still listen to it, but I would think about it myself). But again, counseling is a great way to resolve conflict and work through problems.

 

[bennylong]

only 40 hours a week that your brother play? He's not hardcore.

 

[ValkyrieofHouston]

This is more of an issue than just the computer games. Your brother sounds clinically depressed.

I have seen some kids become very depressed and withdrawn and sink into the computer games because they have no social life, or parental involvment.

 

[Al Neri]

examples of the way he talks?

 

[skim milk]

Originally posted by: ValkyrieofHouston
I have seen some kids become very depressed and withdrawn and sink into the computer games because they have no social life, or parental involvment.

story of my life :laugh:

 

[thehstrybean]

How do people get addicted to this game? It looks so stupid. I have friends that play 24/7, but it's a freakin game...

 

[BurnItDwn]

Hmm ... here's what I'd try ...

Plan A.) Work out a deal with him, even if it means going online and talking with the person who runs his guild. Get him down to raiding 3 or 4 days per week, and no more play beyond that. He can still play the game and enjoy the end game content (quite a bit, but not quite as imuch as before.) He can then work on rebuilding a social life, etc. If he is actually able to cut down, and stay cut down on it, then he will learn about moderation and self control. Could be a good thing.

If he still has major issues after trying Plan A for a few weeks ... then consider something like plan B below.
Plan B.) Start talking about the Psychologist again, reenforce the notion that it's private therapy, that he can say whatever he wants to the psychologist, and that it's all private, and that the therapist will try to understand him and help him. Don't force it on him. Give him the choice, completely quit WoW, or go to therapy. If he refuses therapy, then go through with it and cut him off WoW. Don't force the kid to do anything, instead, get him to realize that he needs help.

At least that's my 2 bits.
Or go with plan C.) Get your own WoW account, join the realm he's on, play with your brother every now and again, talk to him about non wow stuff in the game, maybe suggest other things to do while he's playing WoW .... maybe he'll take up some other interests that you have just so he can take after his big brother, then he can return to a more normal life completely on his own accord? .... I don't think this would work ... but .. meh, just an idea

 

[PurdueRy]

Originally posted by: bennylong
only 40 hours a week that your brother play? He's not hardcore.

:roll:

 

[AyashiKaibutsu]

Once it gets into the realm of 80 hours a week he's seriously addicted and will hit rock bottom soon after... Then he'll hopefully fix the problem for himself. Otherwise, if you don't want to take a heavy handed approach of taking it away completely, you (or his parents) can try to get him involved in other things reduce the amount of time he plays. 40 hours a week is in the realm of just using all his freetime on it, which is somewhat bad but not yet a serious problem.

 

[ballmode]

another wow story, another addict

 

[GeekDrew]

Originally posted by: DaShen
Ummm, first of all, I was exactly the same way when I was younger, but there is no way in h3ll that I would talk to my parents that way about a freaking computer game. I would have the crap kicked out of me literally by my dad if I had talked like that or acted like that.

Also, there is nothing wrong with a Psychiatrist or a Counselor. Most of the time it is just a sounding board for you to reason through your problems. Unless I was mentally unstable to the point of being unable to handle my own thought process, I would take counseling advice with a slight grain of salt (I would still listen to it, but I would think about it myself). But again, counseling is a great way to resolve conflict and work through problems.

Everyone has their own opinions. I saw no point in it myself, but <shrug>.

 

[SZLiao214]

Originally posted by: fritolays
find him a girlfriend

he will be in puppy love and will forget about WoW altogether

what if he finds a gf through wow? Then you are screwed! hehe

 

[SZLiao214]

I dont see why he would be playing 40 hours a week unless he is in a terrible guild. Once you are in an established guild there just isnt that much to do. The 3 major 40 man instances he is raiding is mc+dragon 4hours), bwl (4.5 hours), and aq 40(if not learned yet then 3.5-4 hours x2night)

Back when i was raiding all the high level stuff i would go to mc and bwl which would equate to about 9 hours a week. Due to the set raid times i would start at 630 our time and be done around 10 which didnt really cause a problem in anything. I never did all 3 places in one week but if we did lets say its about 15 hours. Thats 25 additional hours more then there are useful things to do in that game. Once you hit those higher level places everything else becomes useless. The 15 hours are what he is commiting too. The 25 is just him playing longer.

I still hit the lower stuff every now and then just to see how my character has changed.

 

[speg]

I used to be addicted to an internet game, (oh WA! how I miss thee ) and I didn't think I was THAT bad, but I'm sure my family would say otherwise. In my case the game ended up shutting down (black Tuesday I like to call it ) and it turned out to be a very good thing for me.

You need to cut him off from WoW.

 

[ones3k]

Originally posted by: darianandre
I'm looking for some help with this problem that my family is having. I figured that since it has to do with video games and internet communities that it would be a good idea to post it here. Please don't say anything like "go write it on your myspace." I really need help and I would feel responsible if something goes wrong.

I get off work today and check my messages and find one that says to call home. I call and my sister picks up the phone. She's not her usual annoyingly energetic self, she doesn't even talk to me and she hands the phone to my mom. Mom says hello and then is quiet for a few minutes, almost crying. She hands the phone to my dad because she doesn't even know where to start. Dad doesn't even care about the 0.0 I got in one of my classes because of an error. They're all worried about one thing, and they're all completely worn out.

My brother plays WoW, and he plays a lot. He used to only play raids and that kind of thing totalling to maybe 20 hours a week. But now he plays over 40 hours a week and he's always on the computer. My sister wants to use the computer and he doesn't let her so, as usual, she goes and complains to the parents. They decide that he plays way too much, they tried to get him to slow down earlier to no avail, so now they go for an intervention.

They think it's unreasonable to play so much so they ask him to tone his hours down and maybe go to some sort of family counseling. He goes crazy and walks in and out of the house bare feet, on a rainy day, after they get done arguing. He says he'd rather kill himself than go to counseling and that he made a commitment to his clan to do raids or whatever on certain days and that he doesn't want to stop. He then goes on to mumble about responsibilty and that he lives his life his way and he does what he thinks he must. My mom says that his language is unusual and seems more like something you would hear in a fantasy book than in a real life situation, and this is when he's speaking about how he's doing in school and his friends and that kind of thing.

He said that he was willing to cut down his hours and talk with me about the issue(Big brother, in college, leads a pretty decent life), but he is still pretty insistent about the suicide vs. counseling thing. I'm probably going home tomorrow but I'm unsure if I should bring it up right away or let him cool down a bit. I did suggest to my parents that we go to the grandparents house because they are the people we respect and trust the most, and the entire family needs to work this out.

At first I thought it was just teen angst, but now I'm beginning to get worried about bigger things like schizophrenia or some manic/anxiety disorder. My sister says that he's pretty much a loner at school even though he used to have a lot of friends.

Any ideas would be appreciated, we're pretty much willing to do anything. My mother is crying all the time and father seems like he's ready to have a heart attack from all the stress he is in. They look like they've pretty much given up, I went through a similar thing but didn't nearly go this far, and I did go to counseling with them.

Cliffs
++++++++++++++++
1. Brother addicted to WoW
2. Family does a minor intervention.
3. Brother freaks out, talks about suicide, doesn't want to go to counseling, sounds like a different person.
4. I'm going to talk to him about it. Ideas on how to help?

Whats the big deal with 40 hours per week? I used to play Everquest 40hrs/week for a period of 2 or 3 months. I also used to play WoW 50-60hrs/week over winter break in 2005 and 2006... I literally played ALL day! I also played quite a bit immediately following the release of WoW (november 23rd, 2004), i was probably doing only 30-40hrs/week then because i also had school at the time, but i played a lot based on your standards. I think you and your parents are acting like pussies, and you need to let your brother do his own thing. Let him learn on his own.

 

[ahurtt]

How long has this addiction to WoW been going on to the point where it's causing family problems? If only a couple weeks or a month, I'd just give him time to get bored of it and let the novelty wear off. It could just be a passing infatuation. If longer then I can see where it's starting to become a problem and cross the line into a definite addiction. And with an expansion pack coming out soon (July or so I think) which will add lots of new content and raise the level cap from 60 to 70, it could be the recipe for disaster for your brother and your family. Now, as a WoW player myself at 32 years of age with a home mortgage, full time job, wife, and baby daughter, I can tell you these things keep me pretty busy and do not allow as much time for WoW or gaming in general as I'd like to have if I were free of responsibility. There are times when I've heard myself in the past saying the exact same things as your brother like, "the guild / raid is depending on me to be there." But that was usually when I was trying to make an excuse to shun some actual responsibility I had to my real life friends or family. . .people I see in real life face to face every day. So the point is, it sounds like your parents are letting your brother be spoiled and not assigning him enough REAL LIFE responsibility. Responsibility can feel like a burden sometimes but it is also a great source of self-esteem when somebody feels confident enough in you to assign you responsibility. It makes people feel useful and needed. Your brother should NOT feel like he has to get this self-esteem through virtual friends in a freakin video game. Your parents need to step up and give him some meaningful and real responsibility. If he has enough free time to spend playing all this WoW to where it is this big a source of family concern, he obviosly is being a lazy slack ass because your parents are LETTING him be one.

Now that being said, how is the WoW playing ACTUALLY affecting his life? What are some tangible problems that have arisen other than it just irritating your folks and him hogging the computer. Is he obese? Socially awkward? Is he failing school? Has he lost employment? What kind of chores and responsibilities does he have around the home? Are they getting done? You must confront him with some actual tangible proof that the time he is spending on WoW is detrimental to him or people who depend on him. If nobody depends on him for anything, he has a carefree life and idle hands tend to do the devil's work. They need to assign him chores and responsibilities and teach him he needs to act like an actual member of the family and not just reap the benefits of living under mom and dads roof. But this must NOT be done in such a way as to make it seem that the goal of these responsibilities is to keep him from his beloved WoW. It will take some careful planning and a delicate, thoughtful approach. He still plays but only on the condition that he lives up to the responsibilties he is assigned. Getting enough sleep (6-8 hours per night at least EVERY night) so that he is not a zombie must be one of those responsibilities. If he wants to play WoW bad enough, he will live up to his responsibilities. Right now it sounds like he doesn't see how bad it is for him to spend so much time playing WoW because your parents are ENABLING him by picking up the slack for him. Use his addiction itself to get him to do the right thing. Reward proper behavior with play time. If you give him enough important stuff to do, he will find the number of hours in the day actually available for WoW playing after all other responsibilities are done more limited. Eventually, he will grow bored of WoW and move on but beware the next game that comes along. Once somebody shows the propensity for this kind of addictive behavior it is always there.

 

[Powermoloch]

Originally posted by: IdaGno

Originally posted by: Eeezee

Originally posted by: fritolays
find him a girlfriend

he will be in puppy love and will forget about WoW altogether

QFT, if you could pull that off it'd be the best possible solution

trading one addiction for another is not the answer - something about "balance in all things"

lol. at least he'll fine a way to keep his girlfriend happy, like a job.

 

[cherrytwist]

Originally posted by: Snatchface
Sounds to me like he is developing schizophrenia. I can understand being addicted to a video game but there are other red flags there.

Great analysis Dr. Snatchface.

:roll:

 

[Dumac]

I remember some EQ raids that actually took 6-7 hours

If it is direly affecting his acedemics and social relations with friends (if he has any), then try to get to do other things sucks as excercise and working. If it is not though, I say let him play until he gets bored of it.

 

[Saint Nick]

format the drive, hide his discs, cut his ties to any money to get it again.

Also, need to see a psych.

 

[DaShen]

Obviously a lot of ATOTers are Wow Players and don't realize that doing anything for 8-10 hours a day, if it doesn't accomplish certain life goals, if it doesn't allow you to live comfortably (job + money/sleep), and if it doens't involve real world relationships is unproductive at best to having a lifetime membership to loserville at worst.