- Dec 29, 2015
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Self Confidence
- Thread starter kennyreid95
- Start date
SMOGZINN
Lifer
- Jun 17, 2005
- 14,202
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The simple answer is you have to actually be interested in what the other person has to say. You need to be curious about their world and find the things that engage them. Every person is a little world unto themselves. Each person has had a unique set of experiences that acts as a filter on how they experience the universe. Their experience of the same events is absolutely unique to them because of this.
Listen for the things that they find interesting, that animate them when they talk about it, and try to understand what it is about it that they find so fascinating. Let them tell you about their world, as seen through the things that they find interesting about it.
The key to a good conversation is learning to really listen to what the individual in front of you wants to talk about and sharing in their excitement about it.
Ventanni
Golden Member
- Jul 25, 2011
- 1,432
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Mai72
Lifer
- Sep 12, 2012
- 11,578
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Well listening to what the other person has to say is a start. I mean to actually listen. Many times we go into "what am I going to say next" mode which takes us out of being present. Another strategy is to be a great story teller. Sounds easy, but it's actually quite difficult in the beginning. Learn to be interesting. Like anything, it takes practice.
IMO, the reason why most people lack confidence is they have bad habits. Those bad habits lead to bad confidence. Ate you doing the things that you know you should be doing everyday? Are you eating healthy. Hitting the gym. Reading. Working on yourself. Those little things done over time compounds to big things. You start to fell much better which translates to better connections with other people.
IMO, the reason why most people lack confidence is they have bad habits. Those bad habits lead to bad confidence. Ate you doing the things that you know you should be doing everyday? Are you eating healthy. Hitting the gym. Reading. Working on yourself. Those little things done over time compounds to big things. You start to fell much better which translates to better connections with other people.
- Dec 29, 2015
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It is hard for a human being such as myself with a autism brain to have self confidence in life whether getting a job in the corrupt system
ultimatebob
Lifer
- Jul 1, 2001
- 25,135
- 2,445
- 126
It is hard for a human being such as myself with a autism brain to have self confidence in life whether getting a job in the corrupt system
Pro tip: Blaming your autism or "the system" for your problems isn't going to help your conversation skills, unless you're trying to have a conversation with your therapist. You gotta rise above it, man.
FeuerFrei
Diamond Member
- Mar 30, 2005
- 9,152
- 928
- 126
You don't have to keep a conversation going necessarily. Learn to be silent without feeling awkward.
Some people were raised in families that jabbered non-stop and feel uncomfortable / rude / antisocial when the conversation falters. Don't be that person.
Some people were raised in families that jabbered non-stop and feel uncomfortable / rude / antisocial when the conversation falters. Don't be that person.
crashtech
Lifer
- Jan 4, 2013
- 10,532
- 2,117
- 146
I sometimes have trouble with parts of conversation that have to do with reputation management, which in turn is woven into body language and what we call "small talk." Don't feel bad, being skilled at picking up on conversational nuances is something that some never master. It's an ongoing process for me; after many years, I still miss body language cues, and am sometimes apt to say something better worded differently. It's easy to understand why someone would be anxious if their brain is not wired to perceive conversational cues well. But the wonderful thing about being human is that we are all adaptive, even if we are autistic. The best thing to do is just practice. Practice, practice, practice. First with people you trust and know, then with people you know less, then with strangers who know your intent, then finally with strangers who don't know anything about you. You might have to talk to dozens of people before that anxiety dies down. What I have found, though, is that people are generally kind, and that there is little to actually be afraid of.
Ventanni
Golden Member
- Jul 25, 2011
- 1,432
- 142
- 106
It is hard for a human being such as myself with a autism brain to have self confidence in life whether getting a job in the corrupt system
Don't play yourself the victim or the blame game. You are a highly valued and powerful individual, and while you don't have control over the actions of others, you do have control over your own.
- Dec 29, 2015
- 459
- 104
- 101
It is hard for a human being such as myself with a autism brain to have self confidence in life whether getting a job in the corrupt system
Mate you've got to stop making excuses. Stuff like autism is on a spectrum, it's a continuum like most human ideas. It's not a quantifiable idea like a 0 = not autistic and 1 = autistic: Everybody has a some amount of what you keep calling "autism". It's like a scale from 0 to infinity, nobody is at the either end, and there's no exact number where you can draw a line and say "under this number is autistic, above this number is not autistic". We are all "autistic" technically. So you might be "more" autistic than others, but probably those others have been through life experiences which taught them how to interact with other people.
So if you keep deluding yourself you are special and "autistic" then you may never allow yourself to have these life experiences. That is: You are holding yourself back with these idea about autism. Personally, I grew up like many others not being socially "gifted". My friends in college called me a "social retard" and I was grateful for their honesty. And I've had professionals give me tests and tell me I'm somewhere on the "scale". During college it was the forced human interaction of a crappy part time hospitality job which taught me most about how to be "sociable". It's just another facet of my personality now. And others have learnt the same lessons from social groups or other stuff.
You could grow as a person too, but it's not likely if you keep hiding behind this autism excuse.
Last edited:
Skunk-Works
Senior member
- Jun 29, 2016
- 983
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Skunk-Works
Senior member
- Jun 29, 2016
- 983
- 328
- 91
Skunk-Works
Senior member
- Jun 29, 2016
- 983
- 328
- 91
- Dec 29, 2015
- 459
- 104
- 101
Skunk-Works
Senior member
- Jun 29, 2016
- 983
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I have a foot fetish seriously I do and so that won't help me
LOL Has nothing to do with a fetish. It's all about whether they have an interest in your conversation or not.
Skunk-Works
Senior member
- Jun 29, 2016
- 983
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tBZFQf--50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAJAEfVTFLM
I couldn't find the Ozzy version on the Tube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tBZFQf--50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAJAEfVTFLM
I couldn't find the Ozzy version on the Tube.
To be engaged in a conversation for long, first you have to listen carefully about the topic the other persons are talking about. For being a good speaker, you have to be a good listener. Also you have to be confident enough to remain in the conversation. For gaining confidence, just don't be afraid of anyone, don't think of what will others say. Just focus on what you are doing and do your stuffs. You will feel confident.
Mai72
Lifer
- Sep 12, 2012
- 11,578
- 1,741
- 126
From what I've read much of self confidence comes from doing the things you say you are going to do. When we don't do those things we start to think less of ourselves.
So, say you want to get in the best shape of your life. You say "I'm going to to go the gym 5X a week, M-F. I'm also going to prep my meals for the week, and abstain from junk food, drink less alchoal, etc. You end up lasting one week, if that. You go to the gym for 2 days straight. You eat OK for the week, and you don't prep your meals like you said. You don't do these things that you commited to, so the confidence within yourself starts to die. You start to distrust yourself, because you said you were going to do these things and you didn't.
Now, imagine if you stayed on track. The goals you made. Those promises you made to yourself start to bear fruit. You go to the gym M-F. You don't miss a day. On Sunday, you prep your meals and start eating healthy. You might eat junk food occasionally, but you quickly get back on track. Your self confidence starts to increase, and you slowly realize that you're the type of person who can do the difficult things like waking up at 5am to go workout. You can abstain from eating bad foods. You become the type of person that sticks to a plan, and you can see it thru. You don't give up, and you can suffer to reach your end goal. Now, your identity drives your behavior. You become the type of person that... a) works hard b) do the things you said that you were going to do c) can suffer when things get hard and so on.
People are always looking for quick fixes. There are no quick fixes. You have to do the work, and stay on course. Thru hardwork, failure and experiences only then will the courage and confidence to do the things in life become easier.
So, say you want to get in the best shape of your life. You say "I'm going to to go the gym 5X a week, M-F. I'm also going to prep my meals for the week, and abstain from junk food, drink less alchoal, etc. You end up lasting one week, if that. You go to the gym for 2 days straight. You eat OK for the week, and you don't prep your meals like you said. You don't do these things that you commited to, so the confidence within yourself starts to die. You start to distrust yourself, because you said you were going to do these things and you didn't.
Now, imagine if you stayed on track. The goals you made. Those promises you made to yourself start to bear fruit. You go to the gym M-F. You don't miss a day. On Sunday, you prep your meals and start eating healthy. You might eat junk food occasionally, but you quickly get back on track. Your self confidence starts to increase, and you slowly realize that you're the type of person who can do the difficult things like waking up at 5am to go workout. You can abstain from eating bad foods. You become the type of person that sticks to a plan, and you can see it thru. You don't give up, and you can suffer to reach your end goal. Now, your identity drives your behavior. You become the type of person that... a) works hard b) do the things you said that you were going to do c) can suffer when things get hard and so on.
People are always looking for quick fixes. There are no quick fixes. You have to do the work, and stay on course. Thru hardwork, failure and experiences only then will the courage and confidence to do the things in life become easier.
ringtail
Golden Member
- Mar 10, 2012
- 1,030
- 34
- 91
YOU are a child of GOD, a SPECIAL CREATION of the MOST HIGH.
George Harrison authored a wonderful song that Leon Russel did the best rendition of....with the idea...."Watch out now, take care beware of thoughts that linger round your mind...." In other words (in context of the entire song)... the ideation of self-weakness, failure, inadequacy, unworthiness is an ARTIFICIAL ENCRUSTATION like a calcified fossil built up and hiding your shining perfect soul (YOU are a SPECIAL creation, as is each of us) by GOD the MOST HIGH.
As you already know, Leon Russell was the keyboardist of the historical WRECKING CREW. It's difficult to find his performance online - the one WITHOUT Harrison and Harrison's annoying sitar. But THAT'S THE ONE - THE GOLD STANDARD.
Song is also covered by Clapton, Joe Cocker, and tons of others too, but the Leon Russel version (without Harrison) is THEE one! I couldn't find it on youtube. Maybe 2nd best performance of Harrison's song is by awesome wailer Annie W. (she's in same elite "true talent" class as Carrie Underwood etc.; someone who can TRULY sing). The POINT is, HEAR the WORDS. Link
Those mental concepts of unworthiness and defeatism are definitely not YOU, and are only a false, culture-laden artifice put ONTO you. Underneath that crap YOU ARE A P E R F E C T shining eternal soul. So the huge, almost un-do-able chore of this life is...cease identifying with that false IMAGE and shift yourself to to REALIZING (in the absolutely deepest, gut-way possible such that it's fundamental to your being), your TRUE shining eternal SOUL - it's right in there, and is what YOU ARE, but almost impossible to KNOW without near superhuman yogic discipline. Hey, God didn't make escape from maya easy else everybody would do it and this play of creation would suddenly be all over. (the late Dennis Weaver said something quite like that at SRF Lake Shrine - that's his thought I but don't remember his exact words I heard- he probably said it better).
I posted previously about a past wonderful girlfriend (truly world-class blonde beauty - 11 - the one who got away!!!) who tapped me on my chest and said, "Defeat is the doctrine of the devil!" Her simple off the cuff comment LITERALLY CHANGED MY ENTIRE PSYCHOLOGY for all my future life! Her HELPFUL remark to me also applies to YOU too, and how you're thinking now (considering your OP).
If you let yourself succumb under defeatist ideas like "weakness," "failure," "not worthy," then YOU ARE sort of like CAVING IN, CURLING UP INTO A FETAL BALL of UTTER SELF-PITY & YOU WILL FAIL. Then you'll have to go around yet again (reincarnation into this lowly mud-plane a prison for spiritually retarded souls).
Do you suppose your MOST HIGH CREATOR GOD made you so you'd fail?
Duhhh - Maybe not ? And the answer is?
...
NO!
EVERY single person has a TON of almost unbearable, extreme-to-breaking TESTS, within context of their lives and circumstances. You think YOU'VE got it bad? HA! Likely in reality you have NO IDEA what super-humanly extreme adversarial challenges and near-impossible suffering MANY determined people overcame, and also are today doing so right around you in your daily world.
Few days ago I was in the Genghis Khan exhibit (excellent!) at Ronald Regan library, Simi, California. By mere chance I happened to see this quote by Ronald Regan's wife Nancy, written on a wall there...(this is a paraphrase because I don't remember her exact wording, yet this is exactly true as for her expressed thought, which HUMBLED ME IN THE MOMENT I READ IT ...AND- by the way, the newspapers hated her, yet after reflecting on that, together with stuff my So told me, I think Nancy had a spark of insight into deeper truth, like I seek too) .
. . "If you ever start feeling sorry for yourself, try visiting hospitals." -Nancy Regan.
Wow! Nancy's idea is awesome and humbling! Are YOU doing that - reaching in an offering way into lives of others who DESPERATELY need help?///////////// Awesome lady! (offering way instead of grasping, taking way)
So, motivated by what Nancy Regan expressed, written on that wall, I've in past days gone and visited patients in a few hospitals and old folks warehouses around Santa Barbara / Ojai / Ventura / Solvang. REVELATION!!! Suggested activity for Y O U, yes Y O U!!!!
Obviously, if you're a left winger college student that curdles your blood. Too bad, grow up, start HELPING make IMPROVEMENTS in individual lives within your OWN PERSONAL daily sphere. There' no political solution...it's gotta shine out from YOUR HEART.
THERE IS NO POLITICAL SOLUTION !!! !!!! !!! !!! !!!
Again, that concept may go against your left-winger HillaryBernie sensibilities because many of you want HillaryBernie socialism (more, more, ever-more central control, and kill, kill, kill, individual incentive and LIBERTY by ever more centralized regulations) and replace individual responsibility and incentive with CENTRAL CONTROL and DIRECTIONS...MORE REGULATIONS. Rake off free stuff from the "rich."
FOOL!!!! !!!! !!!! LOOK at history. Not one single SANE person would seek remotely leftist infantile selfish crap like "Hillary Bernie socialism central gov't nanny surrender personal liberties." Rich simply leave. Jobs leave to Mexico (1st wave) then to Dominican Republic (2nd wave). HillaryBernie = "How to utterly destroy California
TRUTH=
LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY OM!
SUGGESTED ASSIGNMENT TO HELP YOU, IF YOU'LL ACCEPT IT . . .
SILLY THOUGH THIS MAY SEEM, ACTUALLY GO AHEAD AND SAY OUT LOUD the following Ram Tithra song (he was some guy who in earlier 1900s came from India to live on Mt. Shasta in California for awhile, then went back to India and died around age 30-ish. His stuff adds onto lotsof other lore about California's legendary Mount Shasta).
Point = I suppose the value here is to look past his silly words and internalize his ATTITUDE!
(*Swami Ram Tirtha uses the word ‘tone’ in the sense of tone down. Nothing can weaken or lessen the power of the Almighty soul; hence, naught can withstand the unconquerable spirit of the determined devotee.)
Swami Ram Tirtha‘s Song
None can tone* me, say who would injure me?
The world stands aside to make room for me.
I come, O blazing Light! The shadows must flee.
Hail, O ye ocean, divide up and part!
Or parched up and scorched up, be dried up, depart!
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
Beware, O ye mountains! Stand not in my way.
Your ribs will be shattered and tattered today!
Friends and couns’lors, pray waste not your breath,
Take up my orders, devour up ye death!
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
I ride on the tempest, astride on the gale.
My gun is the lightning, my shots never fail.
I chase as a huntsman, I eat as I seize
The trees and the mountains, the land and the seas.
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
I hitch to my chariot the fates and the gods;
In the voice of thunder, proclaim it abroad!
Howl, O ye winds! Blow, bugles, blow free!
Liberty! Liberty! Liberty! Om!
George Harrison authored a wonderful song that Leon Russel did the best rendition of....with the idea...."Watch out now, take care beware of thoughts that linger round your mind...." In other words (in context of the entire song)... the ideation of self-weakness, failure, inadequacy, unworthiness is an ARTIFICIAL ENCRUSTATION like a calcified fossil built up and hiding your shining perfect soul (YOU are a SPECIAL creation, as is each of us) by GOD the MOST HIGH.
As you already know, Leon Russell was the keyboardist of the historical WRECKING CREW. It's difficult to find his performance online - the one WITHOUT Harrison and Harrison's annoying sitar. But THAT'S THE ONE - THE GOLD STANDARD.
Song is also covered by Clapton, Joe Cocker, and tons of others too, but the Leon Russel version (without Harrison) is THEE one! I couldn't find it on youtube. Maybe 2nd best performance of Harrison's song is by awesome wailer Annie W. (she's in same elite "true talent" class as Carrie Underwood etc.; someone who can TRULY sing). The POINT is, HEAR the WORDS. Link
Those mental concepts of unworthiness and defeatism are definitely not YOU, and are only a false, culture-laden artifice put ONTO you. Underneath that crap YOU ARE A P E R F E C T shining eternal soul. So the huge, almost un-do-able chore of this life is...cease identifying with that false IMAGE and shift yourself to to REALIZING (in the absolutely deepest, gut-way possible such that it's fundamental to your being), your TRUE shining eternal SOUL - it's right in there, and is what YOU ARE, but almost impossible to KNOW without near superhuman yogic discipline. Hey, God didn't make escape from maya easy else everybody would do it and this play of creation would suddenly be all over. (the late Dennis Weaver said something quite like that at SRF Lake Shrine - that's his thought I but don't remember his exact words I heard- he probably said it better).
I posted previously about a past wonderful girlfriend (truly world-class blonde beauty - 11 - the one who got away!!!) who tapped me on my chest and said, "Defeat is the doctrine of the devil!" Her simple off the cuff comment LITERALLY CHANGED MY ENTIRE PSYCHOLOGY for all my future life! Her HELPFUL remark to me also applies to YOU too, and how you're thinking now (considering your OP).
If you let yourself succumb under defeatist ideas like "weakness," "failure," "not worthy," then YOU ARE sort of like CAVING IN, CURLING UP INTO A FETAL BALL of UTTER SELF-PITY & YOU WILL FAIL. Then you'll have to go around yet again (reincarnation into this lowly mud-plane a prison for spiritually retarded souls).
Do you suppose your MOST HIGH CREATOR GOD made you so you'd fail?
Duhhh - Maybe not ? And the answer is?
...
NO!
EVERY single person has a TON of almost unbearable, extreme-to-breaking TESTS, within context of their lives and circumstances. You think YOU'VE got it bad? HA! Likely in reality you have NO IDEA what super-humanly extreme adversarial challenges and near-impossible suffering MANY determined people overcame, and also are today doing so right around you in your daily world.
Few days ago I was in the Genghis Khan exhibit (excellent!) at Ronald Regan library, Simi, California. By mere chance I happened to see this quote by Ronald Regan's wife Nancy, written on a wall there...(this is a paraphrase because I don't remember her exact wording, yet this is exactly true as for her expressed thought, which HUMBLED ME IN THE MOMENT I READ IT ...AND- by the way, the newspapers hated her, yet after reflecting on that, together with stuff my So told me, I think Nancy had a spark of insight into deeper truth, like I seek too) .
. . "If you ever start feeling sorry for yourself, try visiting hospitals." -Nancy Regan.
Wow! Nancy's idea is awesome and humbling! Are YOU doing that - reaching in an offering way into lives of others who DESPERATELY need help?///////////// Awesome lady! (offering way instead of grasping, taking way)
So, motivated by what Nancy Regan expressed, written on that wall, I've in past days gone and visited patients in a few hospitals and old folks warehouses around Santa Barbara / Ojai / Ventura / Solvang. REVELATION!!! Suggested activity for Y O U, yes Y O U!!!!
Obviously, if you're a left winger college student that curdles your blood. Too bad, grow up, start HELPING make IMPROVEMENTS in individual lives within your OWN PERSONAL daily sphere. There' no political solution...it's gotta shine out from YOUR HEART.
THERE IS NO POLITICAL SOLUTION !!! !!!! !!! !!! !!!
Again, that concept may go against your left-winger HillaryBernie sensibilities because many of you want HillaryBernie socialism (more, more, ever-more central control, and kill, kill, kill, individual incentive and LIBERTY by ever more centralized regulations) and replace individual responsibility and incentive with CENTRAL CONTROL and DIRECTIONS...MORE REGULATIONS. Rake off free stuff from the "rich."
FOOL!!!! !!!! !!!! LOOK at history. Not one single SANE person would seek remotely leftist infantile selfish crap like "Hillary Bernie socialism central gov't nanny surrender personal liberties." Rich simply leave. Jobs leave to Mexico (1st wave) then to Dominican Republic (2nd wave). HillaryBernie = "How to utterly destroy California
TRUTH=
LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY OM!
SUGGESTED ASSIGNMENT TO HELP YOU, IF YOU'LL ACCEPT IT . . .
SILLY THOUGH THIS MAY SEEM, ACTUALLY GO AHEAD AND SAY OUT LOUD the following Ram Tithra song (he was some guy who in earlier 1900s came from India to live on Mt. Shasta in California for awhile, then went back to India and died around age 30-ish. His stuff adds onto lotsof other lore about California's legendary Mount Shasta).
Point = I suppose the value here is to look past his silly words and internalize his ATTITUDE!
(*Swami Ram Tirtha uses the word ‘tone’ in the sense of tone down. Nothing can weaken or lessen the power of the Almighty soul; hence, naught can withstand the unconquerable spirit of the determined devotee.)
Swami Ram Tirtha‘s Song
None can tone* me, say who would injure me?
The world stands aside to make room for me.
I come, O blazing Light! The shadows must flee.
Hail, O ye ocean, divide up and part!
Or parched up and scorched up, be dried up, depart!
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
Beware, O ye mountains! Stand not in my way.
Your ribs will be shattered and tattered today!
Friends and couns’lors, pray waste not your breath,
Take up my orders, devour up ye death!
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
I ride on the tempest, astride on the gale.
My gun is the lightning, my shots never fail.
I chase as a huntsman, I eat as I seize
The trees and the mountains, the land and the seas.
None can tone me, say who would injure me?
I hitch to my chariot the fates and the gods;
In the voice of thunder, proclaim it abroad!
Howl, O ye winds! Blow, bugles, blow free!
Liberty! Liberty! Liberty! Om!
Last edited:
Yeah... delusion can also lead to confidence. To build upon your post, OP doesn't need to believe in space wizards for confidence. No doubt there are plenty of other forms of psychosis which could do the job.
Though I don't think delusional thinking is the best solution, and only marginally relevant to the topic at hand. That other stuff about thought processes and reality is well worth a post without mixing it up with your hocus pocus.
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