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Saying something other than "I'm sorry" when people die..

R

RichardE

Banned
Is there anything else polite to really say? I hate saying "I'm sorry" when people say something like "my uncle died" "my best friend died" ect. This is in person so "my condolences" doesn't work either since usually there is a follow up convo.. "I'm sorry" just sounds so fake if I didn't know the person.
 
Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"
Click to expand...

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"
 
What's wrong with just saying "I'm sorry"? Do you think there's some other magical phrase out there you could utter that would make them feel any better?
 
Years ago I worked with an excentric person. He would call widows of recently deceased and say Mrs. XXXXX, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband Fred. BTW, what size clothing did he wear? I might be interested in purchasing some clothes, if they are the right size.
He bought many Jackets and Ties like that. Unbelievable!
He always drove old paid for cars, shopped at places like Goodwill and discount stores.

Eventually he bought a Ford dealership. :shocked:
 
Just say "well, I'm sure they didn't deserve to die".

You'll be surprised how many people respond, "Sure he did; he was a total asshole, deserves eternal hellfire, but thanks for the kind thought, wanna get a drink?"
 
Originally posted by: RedRooster
I'm sorry sounds like you were partially responsible.
Click to expand...
That's why people accused of wrongdoing will not apologize - an apology can be seen as an admission of guilt.


"You know, I bet he's down there [in Hell] right now, screaming up at us. And I think he's in severe pain."
- George Carlin


"Are you sure he's dead? Did you poke his eyes?"


 
Originally posted by: RichardE
Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"
Click to expand...

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"
Click to expand...

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole? 😕
 
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Originally posted by: RichardE
Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"
Click to expand...

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"
Click to expand...

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole? 😕
Click to expand...

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...
 
Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Originally posted by: RichardE
Originally posted by: Howard
It's not "I'm sorry", it's "I'm sorry to hear that"

as in "why the hell did you tell me that?"
Click to expand...

Well, see, that is the problem. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but want to say something somewhat meaningful but isn't as flat as "I'm sorry"
Click to expand...

Well, then try to be convincing and you won't come off as an asshole. Has anyone you loved ever died? I guess you could try to imagine how they feel and then that would put you in the proper frame of mind to be sincere when you say it.

Why would you think you'd sound like an asshole? 😕
Click to expand...

wait... So you're telling me if your best friend comes up to you and says, "my dad died", then you are going to just say, "Why the fuck did you tell me this? Oh because you need emotional comfort.. Right, go fuck yourself."

You guys are great...
Click to expand...

What if its someone you just met? I'd known this chick for like 3 days and she mentions to me how her Dad died yesterday. Obviously she can be forgiven for not having perfect social etiquette but what the hell am I supposed to say. It just came up in normal conversation.
 
Originally posted by: RichardE
Is there anything else polite to really say? I hate saying "I'm sorry" when people say something like "my uncle died" "my best friend died" ect. This is in person so "my condolences" doesn't work either since usually there is a follow up convo.. "I'm sorry" just sounds so fake if I didn't know the person.
Click to expand...


Meh.

People need to talk. Grief can be absolutely devastating and unless you've felt that type of grief I dont think people fully understand. When a friend says somehting liek that I remember what it was like for me.

When I say I'm sorry I say it for my friend, not the person that passed (if I didnt know the deceased personally). Its like theyve been emotionally injured very suddenly and violently.
I think I was a lot less compassionate till I lost my dad and then my mom last summer.

BTW. This is bizzare but while I waited for the mortuary to pick up my mom one of the first things I did was post here. I was totally lost. I just needed someone to hear me.
 
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