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Roommates and friends

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Everyone that either lives there or comes over needs to take care of their own trash. Don't clean up after your friends, tell them to clean up their own shit. Why are YOU throwing out their fast food bags?

Why the hell can't they do it themselves? Especially since they're over so often.

No compromises. Everyone take care of their own shit or GTFO.
 
purbeast0 said:
now that that is out, you sound like a pushover. you clean up after your other roomates. from their point of view, they have absolutely no reason to start cleaning up because they know it will get done FOR them.
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While that's true to a certain extent - what will actually happen is that it will just never get cleaned. They're perfectly happy with the filth, so if it doesn't get cleaned, they won't think to themselves, "Hmmm, OP didn't clean up. I guess I'll have to!"

Basically they're dumber than Pavlov's salivating dog; they'll never learn the lesson.
 
Triumph said:
While that's true to a certain extent - what will actually happen is that it will just never get cleaned. They're perfectly happy with the filth, so if it doesn't get cleaned, they won't think to themselves, "Hmmm, OP didn't clean up. I guess I'll have to!"

Basically they're dumber than Pavlov's salivating dog; they'll never learn the lesson.
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This is EXACTLY what the problem is.
 
James Bond said:
Hopefully someone else has been in a similar situation and can offer some advice.

I have lived in a house with several other guys for about 2 years now. There are 4 of us total: 2 of us have been here since the beginning (me and one other), and there are 2 "new" guys who have been with us for a year. We are all friends from high school and are in our mid 20s now.

The two newer roommates are dirty. Two of the dirtiest people on the face of the Earth. I won't get into much detail, but it is out of control. It is to the point now where neither of them clean... ever. Literally. Me and the other roommate clean up their messes constantly, probably because they don't mind living in filth and know that we do.

Now that's an issue, but not the issue at hand. We have guys come over daily... there are a couple in particular that are over at least 3 or 4 nights a week, probably because they are currently living with parents and want somewhere to hang out.

As any guests would, they do make small messes, but nothing out of hand. The worst it usually comes to is the occasional fast food bag left over - I can handle that.

Now, these guys are my friends, I enjoy their company. Do I care that they come over often and don't pay rent? No... Why would I? We pay rent every month, on time, and I hang out with friends. I have a MUCH bigger problem with the guys who actually live with us who make huge messes constantly.

The other clean roommate completely disagrees with me. He hates the fact that people come over, absolutely hates it. He feels like he is being taken advantage of.

When we were talking earlier my roommate said something to the affect of "you know they aren't coming over to hang out with you, they are just coming over for the house. they are using us". To some extent, he probably is right. And it really just doesn't bother me in the slightest. I enjoy their company and I have a better living experience when friends are over. Sure it means cleaning up shit once and a while, but it still pales in comparison to the amount of trash that our actual roommates generate.

Sorta just rambling I guess. /blog
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If your account is accurate then you have a couple or so of unfair friends and need to either straighten them out now, or get rid of them(move them out).
 
Triumph said:
... They're perfectly happy with the filth...
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see the 'Horders' TV show thread
hoard1.jpg

hoarding6.jpg

hoarding7.jpg
 
OK, I have a ton of experience. In the very house I'm in now I have had around 70 house mates (never more than 6 total at once, usually 4). Call them roommates, but almost all of us had our own room. A few doubled up with someone (i.e. a guy and a gal).

I eventually bought the house and moved everyone else out.

My experience was that people cooperated to an extent, but there were sometimes problems. After a while I was the most senior guy, and I tended to take responsibility for collecting rent from everyone and getting it to the landlord on time, collecting utilities and paying the electric company, etc. We didn't have huge problems with dirty roommates, but some were better than others. I hung up a sign in the kitchen saying "Your mother doesn't live here, please clean your dishes." That was under a photo of 4 guys (members of a band) all pointing pistols directly at the camera lens. I really think that helped a lot.

We didn't have a chore wheel, but it sounds like a good idea in your situation. I think you guys should have a meeting some day/night and discuss things. Explain that you have issues with inequities in keeping things clean and orderly and organize the tasks. Have each person do a set number of things on week one, and another guy do those things the following week, that's how a chore wheel works.

Have meetings once in a while, maybe monthly to assess how things are going. If one guy is slack compared to other people, discuss that. Try not to let things smolder. Be open with your feelings and it will be a much more fun place to live. At those meetings you can discuss your feelings about your mutual high school friends coming over. If you share your thoughts and feelings your house will be a much friendlier and productive environment to live in.

Crusty said:
Tell your roommates to clean up after themselves or you're going to start putting their mess in their bedroom.
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There was a guy living here who told me he used to put a housemate's dishes in front of their bedroom door. They got the message. In my experience here (after hanging that sign) it never became necessary.
 
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Roommates do indeed suck. That's why I just found myself a 1 bedroom apartment that I will be moving into in a month and a half. I'm sick of cleaning up after my soon to be ex-roommate and his filthy girlfriend. I'm sick of the noise. I'm sick of the annoying friends they bring over. I'm sick of the dirty dishes that aren't from me. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. So, I'm moving out. Simple as that. For a little more money a month, it will absolutely be worth it, especially to have my own place.
 
I have had about 16 room mates over the past four years, nearly different people every semester.

Some of them messy, some clean. Usually messy though. Now I only live with one other guy, while he isn't the cleanest, the messes that are made are so small and trivial that I will clean them up with no complaint.

Not sure what I would do if he were a ridiculous slob.
 
Miklebud said:
Roommates do indeed suck. That's why I just found myself a 1 bedroom apartment that I will be moving into in a month and a half. I'm sick of cleaning up after my soon to be ex-roommate and his filthy girlfriend. I'm sick of the noise. I'm sick of the annoying friends they bring over. I'm sick of the dirty dishes that aren't from me. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. So, I'm moving out. Simple as that. For a little more money a month, it will absolutely be worth it, especially to have my own place.
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You're gonna love it.
 
Triumph said:
While that's true to a certain extent - what will actually happen is that it will just never get cleaned. They're perfectly happy with the filth, so if it doesn't get cleaned, they won't think to themselves, "Hmmm, OP didn't clean up. I guess I'll have to!"

Basically they're dumber than Pavlov's salivating dog; they'll never learn the lesson.
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well it won't get cleaned because the OP is scared to man up and get loud at them and tell them to clean up or GTFO.

if it was me and they weren't listening, instead of cleaning up their shit, i would put all of the dirty crap they left out into their room on the floor. that way the main areas the OP hangs out in will be clean and he will be teaching them a lesson since they obviously can't figure it out themselves.

a couple of times after walking through plates of left over food on the ground or sleeping with rotting food, i'm sure they will start cleaning up.
 
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That doesn't mean you cannot solve the problem in some other fashion. I still think talking to them is the way to go, then talking again, and again and again and again. Eventually you will get through to them. Or just put the dishes on the bed, while they sleep, knives down.
 
Muse said:
OK, I have a ton of experience. In the very house I'm in now I have had around 70 house mates (never more than 6 total at once, usually 4). Call them roommates, but almost all of us had our own room. A few doubled up with someone (i.e. a guy and a gal).
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Brothels do not apply
 
I've lived with dirty roommates but not to the level you're experiencing. I am pretty neurotic about keeping things in their place and clean so some of the blame rests on me because my standards are higher than most others.

There are two topics here.

1. Your roommates are dirty. That's sometihng you need to resolve. There's no excuse for this. Some will say to just not clean up after dirty people and eventually they'll get fed up with it and will clean things themselves. That's absolutely not true. Dirty people have a much higher tolerance than you. They'll never get sick of the mess.

2. Your friends are taking advantage of you and your roommates haev every right to be upset. It's like the girlfriend that spends five out of seven days at your apartment. It's lame. I don't have guests that often but I feel bad when I do. My roommate had one of her friends practically move in to our place (she was in between apartment leases) without telling me. One day I was thinking "um she's been here the last three weeks, what's going on?"

If you want, you can use it as a bargaining chip. Tell you roommates if they clean up, you won't have people over as much.
 
bobdole369 said:
That doesn't mean you cannot solve the problem in some other fashion. I still think talking to them is the way to go, then talking again, and again and again and again. Eventually you will get through to them. Or just put the dishes on the bed, while they sleep, knives down.
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Yeah, I think you're right. Our biggest mistake was letting it happen without making them feel shittier about themselves during the process.

They both helped us clean last night (first time ever that I can recall). Neither did a good job, but it was something. Thanks again 🙂
 
Miklebud said:
Roommates do indeed suck. That's why I just found myself a 1 bedroom apartment that I will be moving into in a month and a half. I'm sick of cleaning up after my soon to be ex-roommate and his filthy girlfriend. I'm sick of the noise. I'm sick of the annoying friends they bring over. I'm sick of the dirty dishes that aren't from me. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. So, I'm moving out. Simple as that. For a little more money a month, it will absolutely be worth it, especially to have my own place.
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It depends. My last place, I lived with 4 other guys. One of them, I would have lived with again (but he couldn't make up his mind when it came time to either renew the lease or just move out to a new place). The others were pigs.

You could always tell where one of them ate, based on the crumbs left around where he ate and where he left his dirty dishes.

One would cook once a month and let food rot to oblivion in the fridge. The stuff he cooked with would never get cleaned and he would deny it was his after a month.

Then another only cleaned up when he wanted to use the dishes he had used the night before - so his dirty shit would be left on the stove. Plus, he had a habit of leaving the oven on, long after he had finished using it.

Worst of all, we had a dishwasher that people just couldn't stick their shit into. It completely boggles my mind how people live the way some of these guys did.

I ended up in a studio with a separate kitchen. Sure, I miss having a roommate to an extent, but the peace of mind I get from not having to walk into a disaster area every time I want to cook is worth it.
 
I pretty much deal with the same thing. My roommate wasnt so bad until he started dating his current gf. They are now slobs. She stays at our place from Friday-Monday every week. I cant stand her either so that makes it worse. The most recent interesting thing they did was she baked him a cake for his bday. It sat on the kitchen table for a month. Was moldy as shit. They finally threw it out. And 3 weeks later they finally washed the cake pan. It just sat on the counter. I end up usually cleaning their shit all the time. I dont say anything cause we are going our separate ways in January anyhow.
 
lokiju said:
Everyone split a bi-weekly cleaning service cost.

I pay $50 every other week to have maids clean my place.

Between 4 guys that's nothing.
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Agreed, this is the best fix to your problem other than moving out. Face it, some people's parents never made them clean up their shit so they never learned. I've never had issues with cleaning up after myself, but after I moved into a new place with a new roommate I figured out that he did (different perspectives from college - I lived with another guy that was as clean as myself and my new roommate lived in a Frat house). After about a year of having to put up with it, we got a cleaning lady to come in every other week and she still comes (even after 3.5 years). She doesn't speak English and she only wanted $10 an hour when she started but we paid her more like $30 because it only takes her about 3 hours to clean the place and she usually brings 1-2 other people to help. That and our place would sometimes be a shithole when she showed up so paying her more than her quote improved employee morale and kept her coming back.
 
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