Roommate etiquette: Appropriate to constantly have a close friend (or girlfriend) over?

[hongkongfever]

I'll try to make this short. I am living with 2 roommates in a 3 bedroom house. I'm starting to get really annoyed with the fact that one of my roommates friend is constantly over here. Now I don't know if they got back together (they used to be a pair) but even if they are back together, I feel like she's overstepping her boundary as a guest and is totally making herself too comfortable when she is over here.

Here are some things that I felt is inappropriate:

1) She brings her cat over and leaves it here to run around the house. Sometimes leaving it here for entire days and taking off. She leaves cat food, water, and her cat litter box lying around in the living room.

2) She walks in and out of the house (although she hasn't gotten the house keys yet) too casually, even when my roommate isn't home. I don't believe it's proper for her to be here without my roommate being here as well.

3) She sleeps over like a majority of the week. She cooks here, she eats here, she sleeps here. Sometimes she showers here.

Basically I feel like she's becoming an unwelcomed 3rd roommate. My other roommate isn't here most of the time so he doesn't go through the experiences I am going through in terms of inconvenience. Assuming that she really is my roommates girlfriend again, do you think I should be more understandable? A part of me says yes but then another part of me says I am paying rent to live with 2 roommates, not 3; and she's his girlfriend, not mines so I shouldn't have to deal with this.

 

[Biggerhammer]

Suggest that she pay 1/4 of the rent. If she leaves in a huff, you win. If she pays, you win. The other 98% chance, that she gets pissed at you, would at least start you and the roommate talking.

 

[Trevelyan]

Yeah that's definately not appropriate. You are paying to live with 3 people, not 4 and that can definately get annoying. I would just talk to your roommate and tell him you're not comfortable with her being over all the time, and DEFINATELY never when he's not home.

And the cat thing... yeah, that's just rude. She shouldn't bring an animal over at all.

If she ever comes in without knocking, you can confront her and your roommate and say that she needs to knock before entering your home. That is definately crossing over the line... this isn't a dorm room situation.

 

[bignateyk]

meh.. the only thing that would bother me is if she was leaving a mess for you to clean up after. I guess the cat situation kinda falls into that category. As long as she was using your other roomates bedroom, bathroom, and food, I wouldnt really have a problem with her being there. (assuming she is a nice person).

My roomates girlfriend stays over often, and so does mine. They often cook us stuff though, and are very nice people to be around, and dont leave a mess.

 

[Trevelyan]

Originally posted by: bignateyk
meh.. the only thing that would bother me is if she was leaving a mess for you to clean up after. I guess the cat situation kinda falls into that category. As long as she was using your other roomates bedroom, bathroom, and food, I wouldnt really have a problem with her being there. (assuming she is a nice person).

My roomates girlfriend stays over often, and so does mine. They often cook us stuff though, and are very nice people to be around, and dont leave a mess.

Yeah, the way I see it it's a personal preference... since he's paying and he has a problem with it, then he should have some say in it. I definately have been in situations like this and it can be very, very annoying.

 

[Koing]

You need to chill more.

Have a word with her about the cat. That is inappropiate imo but everything else I would be cool with. As long as she cleans her stuff when cooking, doesn't eat your food, doesn't hog the bathroom. Her staying over, she isn't in your room right? Shes in your mates room and as long as they aren't ****** noisey at hrs you are sleeping why would it bother you?

Koing

 

[sandmanwake]

Have porn playing in the living room TV whenever she's over and invite her to watch. If she declines and leaves, win for you. If she accepts, maybe she'll get worked up and do something with you, win for you assuming she's hot.

 

[AccruedExpenditure]

Only thing that's wrong with this situation is the cat. If she cooks and cleans for herself don't hate on the fact that you don't have a g/f or FWB... and even if you don't think you are "hating" your roommate is going to see it that way.

 

[DevilsAdvocate]

I think the cat/litter box thing is the only thing you should be really irritated by. Everything else is just whining.

 

[Zenmervolt]

Originally posted by: bignateyk
meh.. the only thing that would bother me is if she was leaving a mess for you to clean up after. I guess the cat situation kinda falls into that category. As long as she was using your other roomates bedroom, bathroom, and food, I wouldnt really have a problem with her being there. (assuming she is a nice person).

My roomates girlfriend stays over often, and so does mine. They often cook us stuff though, and are very nice people to be around, and dont leave a mess.

I agree. However the cat thing is over the top and needs to stop.

ZV

 

[avash]

The cat has got to go, she can stay and you have to live with it.

(If her cat is gone, she'll go back to her place more often, problem solved).

Say you're allergic to cats. Allergies develop over time. You may lose your "allergy" in 8 years, if you're still rooming with the same people in 8 years, you have issues.

 

[Whisper]

If it were a friend of mine, I wouldn't mind. If it were only a roommate, I would probably talk to him about the cat issue and whatnot. As far as the rest of it goes, I don't know if I personally would ask her to cover some expenses, but I wouldn't see anything wrong with doing so. The way I see it, the appropriate thing for her to have done would be to have offered--either directly or through her friend/your roommate--to do so already, assuming she is staying over as much as you say.

I've had friends live with girlfriends and vice-versa, and they've always offered to pick up, at the least, a portion of the rent and/or utilities.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Originally posted by: sandmanwake
Have porn playing in the living room TV whenever she's over and invite her to watch. If she declines and leaves, win for you. If she accepts, maybe she'll get worked up and do something with you, win for you assuming she's hot.

Now that is a great idea!

 

[thehstrybean]

Originally posted by: sandmanwake
Have porn playing in the living room TV whenever she's over and invite her to watch. If she declines and leaves, win for you. If she accepts, maybe she'll get worked up and do something with you, win for you assuming she's hot.

teh winnar!

 

[bennylong]

she needs to pay rent if she's staying overnight.

I would go with watching porn while she's there suggestion.

 

[FusionKnight]

I agree with the general consensus - cat thing is over the line. Get her to knock when she comes in and clean up after herself and there should be no problem.

FK

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
I think the cat/litter box thing is the only thing you should be really irritated by. Everything else is just whining.

Well put.

 

[Landstandr]

Her leaving the cat over there is BS - play up the "allergy" angle or "the landlord says no pets" excuse.

When she's over without the roommate - is she hanging out in common areas or is she in the roommate's bedroom? If she's in the bedroom, no biggie - but nothing would tick me off worse than having some leech sitting on my couch preventing me from watching my TV.

Keep the door locked. If she knocks and you're the only one home feign like you're not there. Passive-aggresive FTW.

If she has any available hot friends you could let it all slide - but I doubt any girl spending all her time with an ex-BF still has any friends.

 

[SophalotJack]

If it's bothering you, OP... then well... it IS a problem.

You are free to express yourself about the situation and you right about being upset over it... you didn't sign a lease expecting these circumstances.

On the other hand... you might just be a hater. Which is ok, because you're still in the right about how you feel. It's not like these people are your family (or good friends from what it sounds like).

Speak up for yourself and you won't be so upset.

 

[PinmasterJay]

This sounds exactly like my situation the last 2 years....we never could convince her to pay some rent,
and they always left a huge mess in the kitchen. They cooked for EVERY SINGLE MEAL

Glad I'm not living with those 2 anymore

 

[hongkongfever]

I guess I forget to mention that in fact she does contribute to the mess in the house. There are some dishes still sitting in the sink from when she cooked for her and my roommate last week. And no she does not just hang in my rooommates room exclusively. She hangs out in the kitchen, the living room, and the dining room as well. Like I said, it's highly inconvenient for me to go into the kitchen to cook for example if she's there. Frankly I don't know this roommate well. I met him through the other roommate so I don't know the girl well either. I'm a very laid back guy because I haven't confronted him yet. I prefer to avoid confrontation but lately it seems like she is crossing the line and taking a few more steps forward.

I spoke to my other roommate and he totally understands my situation. Frankly he feels the same way for the limited time that he is at home and she is there. He offered to talk to the problematic roommate and his girl because he knows them longer than I do but he hasn't had the chance to since he's very busy and always out of the house.

 

[everman]

Why have you let her keep the cat there in the first place? If she leaves it there, just toss it outside with everything else.

 

[DaWhim]

check your lease agreement

 

[Bryophyte]

Set some ground rules with him. Your other roommate and you should talk with him (without her present) and tell him that she is not to bring the cat over, that she is not to be there when he's not there (unless we're talking about her running in to pick something up and leaving immediately), and she is not to leave messes. If she's going to do those things, she needs to pay rent. Even if she pays rent, the pet thing isn't cool without permission from all roommates. If you need to, you can probably threaten to get the landlord involved since your lease agreement probably addresses the pets and frequent guest issue.

 

[alkemyst]

jealousy sucks. Doesn't matter if it was his g/f or other friend(s)...it's as much his place as yours and these rules if needed should have been decided prior to the lease.

The cat thing is about the only thing overstepping the line and if she is indeed 'messing' up the place. My bet is these are normal messes that one must have when they are preparing a meal or something similar. I am sure they are cleaned up. Sounds like something was just forgotten.

If you wanted total privacy you should never gotten a roommate, yet alone two.

You seem like the tool that can't afford certain luxuries, yet expects everyone else to make them happen for you.

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