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Rock is dead

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I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and i get how Rock can beat Scissors, buts there's no fricken way Paper can beat Rock. Is paper supposed to magically "wrap around" Rock, leaving it immobile? Why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear the stupid paper up in about 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when someone claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you"
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