Retarded burglar + narrow ventilation chute = Self-ownage.

[Fausto]

From today's AJC.com

A successful burglary requires quite a bit of preparation. The perfect time to break in. An effective escape plan.

But a would-be thief who tried to drop in to a Philly Connection shop through a ventilation system Tuesday probably should have given a little more thought to his legwork.

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Store owner Altaf Merchant turned the lights on at his Cleveland Avenue cheese-steak shop Tuesday morning to find a pair of legs dangling from the ceiling.

The burglar had planned to climb down the narrow ventilation chute that opened up above the store's grill.

He managed to get his legs through, but the fit turned out to be too snug for the rest of him.

So there he dangled, for eight hours ? from 2 a.m., when store cameras first show him coming in, to 10:30 a.m., when Merchant walked in.

For the next 45 minutes, paramedics worked to free the man.

They tried yanking him down.

They tried lifting him up.

Plenty of police officers sauntered in to check out the sight, Merchant said.

Some took pictures. Others made the inevitable wisecracks.

Responding Officer B.J. Dampier asked the man how he got there. He said someone pushed him into the vent.

Who? Dampier asked.

Silence.

Dampier asked if the tools on the grill ? two screwdrivers, a pair of pliers and a razor knife ? were his. The man denied it.

Dampier asked him his name. He lied, police later found out.

The man's leg was bleeding, and Dampier asked if he was OK. No, the man said, he was in "a lot of pain."

The man later was identified as Johnny Ray Dennis, 49.

He was charged with burglary, criminal damage to property and possession of tools to commit a crime.

The store empties its cash registers every night. So even if Dennis had gotten in, Merchant said, he would have left empty-handed.

"Unless of course he knew how to make a cheese steak."

Darwin reportedly annoyed at such a near miss.

 

[DurocShark]

Why couldn't it be a Saturday night so he'd be there all day Sunday too?!?!?!?

 

[Gothgar]

Originally posted by: DurocShark
Why couldn't it be a Saturday night so he'd be there all day Sunday too?!?!?!?

ha, through the loss of circulation he prolly woulda lost a leg or something

 

[ggnl]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Darwin reportedly annoyed at such a near miss.

I'm sure he'll get another chance before too long. You can't cure chronic stupidity.

 

[PanzerIV]

What an asshat extraordinaire!

 

[Brutuskend]

Sad thing is he will probably SUE the store, and WIN! :disgust:

 

[deerslayer]

What a moron.

 

[halik]

hahaha i was cracking up when i read the title....

 

[artikk]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Sad thing is he will probably SUE the store, and WIN! :disgust:

hurray to our justice system.:roll::Q

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Sad thing is he will probably SUE the store, and WIN! :disgust:

I seriously doubt that.

 

[DainBramaged]

Heh, he had better not let this get out to his thug friends.

 

[clamum]

Pure comedy

 

[Brutuskend]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Sad thing is he will probably SUE the store, and WIN! :disgust:

I seriously doubt that.

There was a story some time back about a guy that was trying to break into some store, fell through a skylight, sued, and WON!

Never underestimate the stupidity of our legal system...

Edit. Then there was the guy trapped in someones garage after a burglary. He won too as I recall....

Take your pick! :shocked:

 

[SacrosanctFiend]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Brutuskend
Sad thing is he will probably SUE the store, and WIN! :disgust:

I seriously doubt that.

I've seen crazier things happen.