Religious People taking "The Onion" seriously...

[zinfamous]

What does it have anything to do with religion if the Bible does not mention abortion?

the same way that the constitution says nothing specifically, about citizens being allowed to own firearms.

yet that is how everyone interprets (and I am not saying that is wrong) the 2nd amendment.

Bible: life is sacred, do not kill. --> no abortions, no contraception, no knuckle children
2nd amendment: the right to bear arms shall not be infringed --> I can haz more gunz?

 

[JS80]

the same way that the constitution says nothing specifically, about citizens being allowed to own firearms.

yet that is how everyone interprets (and I am not saying that is wrong) the 2nd amendment.

Bible: life is sacred, do not kill. --> no abortions, no contraception, no knuckle children
2nd amendment: the right to bear arms shall not be infringed --> I can haz more gunz?

not even close

 

[Macamus Prime]

The Abortionplex needs a Mrs. Fields and Taco Bell.

 

[zinfamous]

not even close

um, yes it is.

you claim the bible says nothing about abortion, specifically. it says many things about the sacredness of life, about not killing, which can and does get interpreted in many ways.

There are plenty of "arms" with which one may arm themselves. Why would you ask for a direct, literal example from one source, as if it matters, then demand that it is unnecessary in another source? yes, we certainly feel that we have the proper interpretation, we certainly feel that we know what was behind the minds of the founding fathers, we can infer as much as we want to, and rather accurately, but that is all it ever is.

and that is why we have a SCOTUS--whose only role is to interpret the constitution (this is why literalists like Scalia are fucking idiots--he doesn't even understand his job, lol)

Granted, I put much more stock in the Constitution than I do the Bible, as I believe you do as well--but the notion that it has to be word-for-word in the Bible is silly. Not that it was meant to be interpreted literally, anyway...but try and tell that to the pack of loons. 😉

 

[JulesMaximus]

I wonder if I can post this to Facebook and get any amusing responses.

I already did. We'll see if I get any hits from the baptists on my Dad's side of the family.

 

[Aikouka]

I already did. We'll see if I get any hits from the baptists on my Dad's side of the family.

What text did you post along with the link? I could use something good that doesn't make it sound like I believe it, but something that doesn't necessarily scream, "Hey, look at this satire!"

 

[dawp]

I can believe this. I had a relative defriend me on facebook because some of the songs I linked to on youtube have cuss words in them.

 

[mrjminer]

um, yes it is.

you claim the bible says nothing about abortion, specifically. it says many things about the sacredness of life, about not killing, which can and does get interpreted in many ways.

There are plenty of "arms" with which one may arm themselves. Why would you ask for a direct, literal example from one source, as if it matters, then demand that it is unnecessary in another source? yes, we certainly feel that we have the proper interpretation, we certainly feel that we know what was behind the minds of the founding fathers, we can infer as much as we want to, and rather accurately, but that is all it ever is.

and that is why we have a SCOTUS--whose only role is to interpret the constitution (this is why literalists like Scalia are fucking idiots--he doesn't even understand his job, lol)

Granted, I put much more stock in the Constitution than I do the Bible, as I believe you do as well--but the notion that it has to be word-for-word in the Bible is silly. Not that it was meant to be interpreted literally, anyway...but try and tell that to the pack of loons. 😉

It's a sham, there is no argument against the constitution giving everyone the right to use a firearm. In that era, the phrase was defined as "have a gun."

 

[ultimatebob]

The Abortionplex needs a Mrs. Fields and Taco Bell.

And a strip club!

 

[AMDZen]

Religious people? = Stupid
Facebook? = Stupid

Religious People on Facebook? = fucking retarded

 

[Juddog]

This thread has me laughing my a$$ off. Thanks OP, you put a huge grin on my face.

 

[DangerAardvark]

I love the fact that if the first commenter had read TWO WORDS into the article he commented on, he would have seen the word "satire". And then he would have had to look it up.

 

[Inspector Jihad]

why is this surprising? all religious people believe in works of fiction.

 

[AMDZen]

why is this surprising? all religious people on facebook believe in works of fiction.

Fixed

 

[MetalMat]

Honestly, when tomorrow is just another day people really need to start calling these idiots out.

 

[zinfamous]

It's a sham, there is no argument against the constitution giving everyone the right to use a firearm. In that era, the phrase was defined as "have a gun."

so, back to my actual analogy.

How does one interpret "sanctity of life," as a phrase and how it would have meant 4 thousand years ago? since neither of these are explicitly defined by their individual words in these documents that are purported to direct our lives and conduct, why is one unnecessary for an explicit definition where the other is not?

 

[DrPizza]

I'd love to post that on facebook, but I'm too busy arguing that "What would Jesus do?" if he had a pet. If you really believed that the Rapture might occur, then you would make plans for your pets for when you were gone. Not making plans is a sure sign that you don't really believe. Thus, the choice is obvious. Sign up for my service (I take paypal) and be assured that if you go poof during the next 5 years, I'll take care of your pet for the rest of its life or for as long as the Earth remains in existence, whichever occurs first.

 

[JS80]

so, back to my actual analogy.

How does one interpret "sanctity of life," as a phrase and how it would have meant 4 thousand years ago? since neither of these are explicitly defined by their individual words in these documents that are purported to direct our lives and conduct, why is one unnecessary for an explicit definition where the other is not?

Please post the "sanctity of life" verse.

 

[Evadman]

I'd love to post that on facebook, but I'm too busy arguing that "What would Jesus do?" if he had a pet. If you really believed that the Rapture might occur, then you would make plans for your pets for when you were gone. Not making plans is a sure sign that you don't really believe. Thus, the choice is obvious. Sign up for my service (I take paypal) and be assured that if you go poof during the next 5 years, I'll take care of your pet for the rest of its life or for as long as the Earth remains in existence, whichever occurs first.

I... I... I can't figure out what to say to that. You are a genius who is soon to be rich.

 

[SirStev0]

Obammmmmaaaaaaa!

 

[Nebor]

But is believing in God a requisite to be against killing babbys?

Yes.

 

[manlymatt83]

I don't remember anything about abortions in the Bible...

But is believing in God a requisite to be against killing babbys?

Nope. Absolutely not.

 

[zerocool84]

"I was kind of on the fence in the beginning," she said. "But after a couple of margaritas and a ride down the lazy river they've got circling the place, I got caught up in the vibe. By the time it was over, I almost wished I could've aborted twins and gotten to stay a little longer."

If this isn't win I don't know what is.

 

[CZroe]

so, back to my actual analogy.

How does one interpret "sanctity of life," as a phrase and how it would have meant 4 thousand years ago? since neither of these are explicitly defined by their individual words in these documents that are purported to direct our lives and conduct, why is one unnecessary for an explicit definition where the other is not?

Umm, it says that God struck a man dead for having sex and then releasing his "seed" on the ground. That's seems pretty clear to some.

It wasn't really saying that contraception was wrong, but it is condemning sexual fraud (the point of their sexual encounter was to produce a baby for her dead husband's family name). The man abused sex for his pleasure despite his obligation to produce a child for his father and dead brother.

 

[Aikouka]

Frankly, I'm wishing The Onion wasn't satire right now... I'd like to see that PBS special 😉.