Relationship question!!

[freemanteo]

First off is, i cannot understand the old saying;" Opposites Attract"? How can that be? If both parties donot have alot in common or from diff cultures, don't they have a more difficult time doing things together? Or language/accent barrier!!


A question about gals;

why do they always complain that their past BFs are mostly jerks, but ironically they love to go out with jerks/players/morons....whatever you like to call them.

Most gals i ask about their past relationships complain that "guys are jerks or good guys are hard to find etc....."
But then they fall for players again and again and again and......

What the hell is wrong with gals? I cannot find an equation to this "problem", neither can i comprehend how gals think nor can i understand why they are attracted more to players than genuine good guys!

I know the tricks and smooth talk of players, and they are 10 times "nicer" than genuine nice guys, but can't gals discern between a guy in sheep's clothing and a genuine good guy?

I know alot of reasons why gals fall for players, but it is not the players fault totally, gals got to take responsibility when they "choose" a jerk. Is it a gal's nature not to have any sense of Discernment?

Just because Genuine good guys are more to the shy side, does'nt mean we are losers or boring!!

If you need some statistics, here is one. America has more than 7million kids without their biological fathers! And the # is growing.

 

[gopunk]

i agree, girls don't seem to be a very good judge of character.

but they do go for nice guys... a lot of "nice guys" don't have very much self esteem though and they don't know how/try to get girls. also a lot of them are kind of boring... nobody wants to date someone who's boring.

 

[madthumbs]

>>i cannot understand the old saying;" Opposites Attract"? How can that be? If both parties donot have alot in common or from diff cultures, don't they have a more difficult time doing things together? Or language/accent barrier!!<<

-Differences cause absences and discovery of new interests. "Absense makes the heart grow fonder.", And exposure to new things makes things exciting.

>>why do they always complain that their past BFs are mostly jerks, but ironically they love to go out with jerks/players/morons....whatever you like to call them.<<

-These types of people tend to be less clingy, more confident, more independant, self sufficient which are all attractive qualities. Some women are attracted to abusive men because abuse is an expression of strong emotions. These kind of women have a problem with feeling loved and need constant attention wether it's positive or negative. Often they will provoke abuse to rouse this display of feelings. Women that like guys that are jerks to other guys are probably jerks themselves... so why sweat it?

>>Most gals i ask about their past relationships complain that "guys are jerks or good guys are hard to find etc....."
But then they fall for players again and again and again and......<<

-Humans are jerks... it's the same on both sides of the fence. Good attractive guys are hard to find. Men fall for the sluts... what's the difference?

>>I know alot of reasons why gals fall for players, but it is not the players fault totally, gals got to take responsibility when they "choose" a jerk. Is it a gal's nature not to have any sense of Discernment?<<

-That's funny because I think women tend to have better discernment in these matters than men.



ps.. Good guys aren't boring?... Go to any church and see for yourself how boring it is! The fact is, when men "act" nice... most often they become boring. The "jerk" isn't acting and lets his true self show. Women want someone that can be themselves around them. I think the real problem here is that you're looking at the exterior of girls and aren't looking for one that's truely compatable with you. If you don't think you have any social problems that would deter women, think of the reasons for starting this thread.

 

[Passions]

dumb girls go for jerks.
smart girls go for confident yet humble.

have a nice day.

 

[eakers]

how many times do we really need this thread?

i mean really?

 

[freemanteo]

Originally posted by: madthumbs


-That's funny because I think women tend to have better discernment in these matters than men.

That's funny too, cos in this time and earth, my statements remain very real... I'm not in Mars. Having moved from Asia to US, most of the gals have the same discernment even though in diff cultures.

Obviously players would differ with my findings for their own benefits/status.

 

[Maverick2002]

Just because Genuine good guys are more to the shy side

You just answered your own question. No guts no glory. Someone prove me wrong (ok, so my first GF introduced herself to me, but if I didn't take it from there nothing would have happened).

Opposites attract. That's true. Do the last? Seldom. Uncommon interests provide an adventure for both parties, but soon enough the excitement wears off, and when you have nothing (or very little) in common, you lose interest.

I tend to think girls are much better judges of character/personality than guys. Being shy doesn't help. Ever.

Think of it this way: how can you live with someone if you can't even make the first move?

You do need to be yourself, but no matter how nice/how good of a person you are, if you're shy and low on words, you're going to have a very hard time finding that special someone. I've seen girls go for average looking guys who were talkative rather than the "hotties" who were shy. My two coppers.

 

[Moonbeam]

What is the feeling behind your question? What is the real reason you ask? You think what you need is an answer to a question, but what you need is understanding about yourself. Seeking to understand others is delusional. It's a way to understand how people are while maintaining the illusion that you are different. Why would you choose a jerk girl. How does somebody go from 'sock it to me baby' to 'you're a jerk'?

 

[gopunk]

You do need to be yourself, but no matter how nice/how good of a person you are, if you're shy and low on words, you're going to have a very hard time finding that special someone. I've seen girls go for average looking guys who were talkative rather than the "hotties" who were shy. My two coppers.

don't mistake low on words for being shy... they're not necessarily the same thing

 

[y2kc]

how many times do we really need this thread?

until all of the "nice guys" figure it out and get laid.

<---not a sexually frustrated "nice guy".

 

[Maverick2002]

don't mistake low on words for being shy... they're not necessarily the same thing

True. But guys who always say the right thing without saying much are even more rare, so the two usually go hand in hand.

 

[madthumbs]

If you're shy... why? Because you either know down deep you're not worthy, or you're low on words because you look at women as pieces of meat and not people. Guys that can't talk to women as if they're anyone else don't deserve a decent woman, at least until they can tame themselves.

If you imply that I'm a player.. I've been faithfully married for 5 years, but that's over.. ended quickly when I lost my confidence. Right now I'm in a 7 month relationship with a very nice gal that's not attracted to meanies!

You can look at my posts as criticizm or help. Do you really think that if you're mean or change into a bad guy that it's gonna change your attractiveness? It won't. There are other underlying problems with your personality. Look at women as people. Don't consider dating them when talking to them. Treat them as you would friends (by that I mean don't be overly nice; it just makes you appear desperate), and don't get romantic until you know if they're your type! Women I'm sure get tired of guys thinking they're "it" when they haven't even gotten to know them. Try evaluating yourself. This thread alone makes you come accross sexist. This thread alone makes you come across sexist, desperate, and whiney. One thing self help books point out is that if you want to change other people... change yourself. It's your own behaviour that affects the way people around you are.

 

[freemanteo]

So being brought up by good parents with good etiquette, good manners, good behaviour is not being ourselves?

Must guys be animals to show true self character? Thinking about others feelings and being a true gentlement without the thought of sex with pretty gals is dilusional? What is this world getting into?

I hope none thinks that Shy and Boring is the same, it is'nt the same. But is'nt this US? Guys and Gals equal, and gals ask guys out too right?

Are gals who go for Jerks "plain dumb or jerks too"?

Are there more good guys or good gals out there?

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Maverick2002

don't mistake low on words for being shy... they're not necessarily the same thing

True. But guys who always say the right thing without saying much are even more rare, so the two usually go hand in hand.

yea, that's true.

 

[madthumbs]

Men are more attracted to physical beauty which dwindles fast, and to thier own demise. Women look for character. Shy guys don't express character. Shy = unattractive. Why would a girl want a shy guy? They already have one emotional problem right up on display.

Etiquette, manners... they're all just a performance. Something that was taught, (an act) and something that can be taught. Many women like the "fixer uppers" anyway. True niceness comes from within. You don't have to be raised a certain way to be nice.

 

[fluxquantum]

women are an enigma. i can never figure them out.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: freemanteo
So being brought up by good parents with good etiquette, good manners, good behaviour is not being ourselves?

Must guys be animals to show true self character? Thinking about others feelings and being a true gentlement without the thought of sex with pretty gals is dilusional? What is this world getting into?

I hope none thinks that Shy and Boring is the same, it is'nt the same. But is'nt this US? Guys and Gals equal, and gals ask guys out too right?

Are gals who go for Jerks "plain dumb or jerks too"?

Are there more good guys or good gals out there?

maybe you're looking at the wrong girls then, if you're truly a nice guy and not just a pussy. have you tried going after people of your own ethnicity? btw, yes we're all equal, but some people are slow, so yea you have to ask out girls sometimes.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: madthumbs
Men are more attracted to physical beauty which dwindles fast, and to thier own demise. Women look for character. Shy guys don't express character. Shy = unattractive. Why would a girl want a shy guy? They already have one emotional problem right up on display.

to our own demise? how is that to our demise? you just have to make sure you don't get married, and you're set.

 

[Maverick2002]

So being brought up by good parents with good etiquette, good manners, good behaviour is not being ourselves?

No. You'll be surprised how many girls absolutely dig "old fashioned" guys. You know, the ones who open the door for them, don't say things like "I gotta sh!t" but rather "I need to go to the restroom", etc. Trust me on this, I know from personal experience.

And another thing: a lot of women can be transformed. I've heard two things from women about women in my life that have really stood out:

1) women will do a lot (even if it goes against their wishes) to please their partner
2) women want attention more than anything else

I have found these to be true (in most cases) time and time again. There's always the occasional ditz or money grabber, but usually that's not the case.

When I found my first GF drinking (as in drunk) I got really upset (I don't drink myself) and she cried for a long time after. I didn't even mean it. But she promised never to do that again. And personally, I think it's for the better for her.

But is'nt this US? Guys and Gals equal, and gals ask guys out too right?

This may be the U.S, but women are women and some things stay the same around the world. If you're waiting for a girl to ask you out, you better grab a Snickers.

Are gals who go for Jerks "plain dumb or jerks too"?

No (not most of the time anyway). Guys have their ways of attracting women and at some point, EVERYONE seems perfect. It's just a matter of time before you realize who you're really dealing with. You can't judge a person's character for their appearance. And character will account for at least 50% of a relationship's success. That's why I think "love at first sight" is total BS.

Are there more good guys or good gals out there?

I think on average girls are nicer and get hurt (emotionally ... and physically) more often.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: madthumbs
Men are more attracted to physical beauty which dwindles fast, and to thier own demise. Women look for character. Shy guys don't express character. Shy = unattractive. Why would a girl want a shy guy? They already have one emotional problem right up on display.

This is ridiculous. People are attracted to each other for a myriad of different reasons. There are plenty of guys that look for character and plenty of women that just want a hot guy to jump on - and vice versa.

I'm a shy guy. Some women find it to be a turn-off, some are indifferent to it, and quite a few that I've encountered have liked it because it made me seem more "mysterious". Being shy is NOT an emotional problem - it's just a difference. All people are different.

 

[Maverick2002]

You don't have to be raised a certain way to be nice.

I totally disagree. Nature/nurture 50/50. Or whatever. But to each his own.

 

[gopunk]

btw there are tons of girls that are nice, and are looking for a nice guy. but they're all shy, so you'll have to approach them. most of them aren't all that hot imo though, i guess it's kind of a trade off.

 

[DougK62]

Originally posted by: gopunk
btw there are tons of girls that are nice, and are looking for a nice guy. but they're all shy, so you'll have to approach them. most of them aren't all that hot imo though, i guess it's kind of a trade off.

Very true. It's because the mainstream pretty girls are taught at an early age that they're beautiful and should be the center of attention.

A rare beast is the pretty shy girl - they don't occur very often in the wild, but boy are they a treat to find!

 

[freemanteo]

Originally posted by: Maverick2002

So being brought up by good parents with good etiquette, good manners, good behaviour is not being ourselves?

No. You'll be surprised how many girls absolutely dig "old fashioned" guys. You know, the ones who open the door for them, don't say things like "I gotta sh!t" but rather "I need to go to the restroom", etc. Trust me on this, I know from personal experience.

And another thing: a lot of women can be transformed. I've heard two things from women about women in my life that have really stood out:

1) women will do a lot (even if it goes against their wishes) to please their partner
2) women want attention more than anything else

I have found these to be true (in most cases) time and time again. There's always the occasional ditz or money grabber, but usually that's not the case.

When I found my first GF drinking (as in drunk) I got really upset (I don't drink myself) and she cried for a long time after. I didn't even mean it. But she promised never to do that again. And personally, I think it's for the better for her.

But is'nt this US? Guys and Gals equal, and gals ask guys out too right?

This may be the U.S, but women are women and some things stay the same around the world. If you're waiting for a girl to ask you out, you better grab a Snickers.

Are gals who go for Jerks "plain dumb or jerks too"?

No (not most of the time anyway). Guys have their ways of attracting women and at some point, EVERYONE seems perfect. It's just a matter of time before you realize who you're really dealing with. You can't judge a person's character for their appearance. And character will account for at least 50% of a relationship's success. That's why I think "love at first sight" is total BS.

Are there more good guys or good gals out there?

I think on average girls are nicer and get hurt (emotionally ... and physically) more often.

You are Da Man, relevant answers to realistic questions. Thnks.

 

[vladgur]

ALRIGHT, let me break it down to you fewls!

PAST GUYS == ALWAYS JERKS -- thats why they are past, if there wasnt any problems, they wouldnt break up/dump each other
SHY GUYS == LOSERS/BORING -- I know because I am one, I still dont know what my wife found in me.