Reasons to Keep a Cat Instead of a Man
Cats never spend an entire weekend watching sporting events.
Cats never expect to have their meals brought to them while watching sporting events.
Cats never ask you to bring them a beer when sprawled out in a chair or on the couch.
Cats never get upset or pout when you have a headache.
Cats never leave their whiskers in the bathroom sink.
Cats never leave the toilet seat up.
Cats never complain about how long you?ve been in the bathroom.
Cats clean up after themselves.
Cats don?t pass gas while pretending to start a motorcycle.
Cats don?t even attempt to belch a song, words, or the alphabet.
When a cat falls asleep on top of you, you can still breathe.
When your attractive girlfriends come to visit, cats treat them the same as everyone else: they ignore them, or hide.
If your cat tends to run around at night, you can remove that aspect of his anatomy that causes this behavior. It's legal, and there are people who will do this for you for a nominal fee.
If your cat has a tendency to ruin your furniture, again you can have that aspect of his anatomy removed, same as above.
Cats don?t automatically blame you for things that break or for scratches on the new car.
Cats don?t criticize your method of repairing those broken things.
Cats don?t snore.
Cats don?t clutter up the garage, driveway or backyard, with old cars, car parts, tools and/or sporting equipment.
Cats never spend money on old cars, car parts, tools and/or sporting equipment.
Cats never ask, "When did you buy that?" or "Is that new?" or "How much did that dress cost?" or "Don?t you have enough shoes?"
The only closet space a cat needs is room enough to sleep.
When a cat pees in the yard, he at least buries it.
Cats never expect you to cook for them, and opening a can of tuna is considered gourmet cooking.
Cats never complain when the house is a mess; they prefer it that way.
Cats like dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter or on the table. They will even help clean them off before you put them in the dishwasher.
Cats never ask you why they have no clean underwear.
Cats never bring other drunk cats home.
Cats never come home drunk after being with other cats.
Cats don?t crush beer cans on their heads and grunt.
The only things cats stalk are small rodents, birds and reptiles.
Cats don?t feel the need to bond with other cats. In fact, they don?t even like other cats. They love only you, especially after they've been altered.
Cats love to lie by your side in bed while you read romance novels and never complain that the light is still on at midnight.
Cats always wink at you and give you a loving look while lying in bed with you, expecting nothing in return.
Cats never ask you to lick them even though they are willing to lick you.
Cats don?t care where you rub them.
Cats never fantasize about someone else while you are loving them.
Cats don?t treat you differently when other cats are around.
Cats don?t ever get angry at inanimate objects they can?t fix or have made worse trying to fix.
Cats don?t pretend to understand words outside of their vocabulary.
Cats don?t misuse words outside of the vocabulary.
Cats don?t ever pretend they are listening.
Cats don?t yell, Cats don?t use foul language, and ...
Cats never ask you to be anything other than what you are
Cats never spend an entire weekend watching sporting events.
Cats never expect to have their meals brought to them while watching sporting events.
Cats never ask you to bring them a beer when sprawled out in a chair or on the couch.
Cats never get upset or pout when you have a headache.
Cats never leave their whiskers in the bathroom sink.
Cats never leave the toilet seat up.
Cats never complain about how long you?ve been in the bathroom.
Cats clean up after themselves.
Cats don?t pass gas while pretending to start a motorcycle.
Cats don?t even attempt to belch a song, words, or the alphabet.
When a cat falls asleep on top of you, you can still breathe.
When your attractive girlfriends come to visit, cats treat them the same as everyone else: they ignore them, or hide.
If your cat tends to run around at night, you can remove that aspect of his anatomy that causes this behavior. It's legal, and there are people who will do this for you for a nominal fee.
If your cat has a tendency to ruin your furniture, again you can have that aspect of his anatomy removed, same as above.
Cats don?t automatically blame you for things that break or for scratches on the new car.
Cats don?t criticize your method of repairing those broken things.
Cats don?t snore.
Cats don?t clutter up the garage, driveway or backyard, with old cars, car parts, tools and/or sporting equipment.
Cats never spend money on old cars, car parts, tools and/or sporting equipment.
Cats never ask, "When did you buy that?" or "Is that new?" or "How much did that dress cost?" or "Don?t you have enough shoes?"
The only closet space a cat needs is room enough to sleep.
When a cat pees in the yard, he at least buries it.
Cats never expect you to cook for them, and opening a can of tuna is considered gourmet cooking.
Cats never complain when the house is a mess; they prefer it that way.
Cats like dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter or on the table. They will even help clean them off before you put them in the dishwasher.
Cats never ask you why they have no clean underwear.
Cats never bring other drunk cats home.
Cats never come home drunk after being with other cats.
Cats don?t crush beer cans on their heads and grunt.
The only things cats stalk are small rodents, birds and reptiles.
Cats don?t feel the need to bond with other cats. In fact, they don?t even like other cats. They love only you, especially after they've been altered.
Cats love to lie by your side in bed while you read romance novels and never complain that the light is still on at midnight.
Cats always wink at you and give you a loving look while lying in bed with you, expecting nothing in return.
Cats never ask you to lick them even though they are willing to lick you.
Cats don?t care where you rub them.
Cats never fantasize about someone else while you are loving them.
Cats don?t treat you differently when other cats are around.
Cats don?t ever get angry at inanimate objects they can?t fix or have made worse trying to fix.
Cats don?t pretend to understand words outside of their vocabulary.
Cats don?t misuse words outside of the vocabulary.
Cats don?t ever pretend they are listening.
Cats don?t yell, Cats don?t use foul language, and ...
Cats never ask you to be anything other than what you are
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