Read my golf research paper! :D

[KnickNut3]

Hello, everyone.

If you recall, about a month ago I was on the search for those of you out there who felt your interest in golf was significantly increased by playing golf computer games. Well, my survey was shot down, but the paper lived on. I finally finished! (almost)

My topic was how the achievements/personality/promotions of golf by Jones, Palmer, Nicklaus, and Woods all progressively increased the popularity of golf in America.

I put my paper on the internet primarily because I believe it may be an interesting read for many (I learned a lot). Since it is not due until this Thursday, I am also open to suggestions/corrections. I value the opinion of many of you on this board, and would be honored if some of you read it and gave me your thoughts. I'll make sure to thank you all in my dedication (if I'm allowed to put one, if not I definitely will when I publish it online).

Right now my major concern is that it's too long. In order to "learn how to cut" (yeah, ha ha) it is right now 3 1/2 pages longer than it is allowed to be. Stuff I put in bold is stuff I think helps my thesis, but I think could possibly go. Please give me any thoughts you have.

I also posted a word document if you prefer that. You can write comments right in it if you want and e-mail it to me KnickNut3@comcast.net.

This paper is an eleventh grade honors English course in a good English program. Probably judge it as if it were an introductory college level essay (or so, I'm just estimating).

Sorry if this is of no interest to you (don't flame with "I don't care," as I'm depressed enough with this paper as it is). I just got such an overwhelming response last time, and was so disappointed at losing such a great source (you ) I figured some of you would enjoy reading the finished product.

My Golf Research Paper

Thanks again!

KnickNut3

 

[Piano Man]

I only read the first paragraph because I'm tired, but I already found a few problems.

"Today, people of all classes and socioeconomic groups participate and have an interest in the game (McCormack 317). Golf was a game dominated by British players, but now the most competitive and exciting golf lies within the United States"<--- Opinion, not good for research papers.

 

[KnickNut3]

Thanks for the suggestions, but what's wrong with "an?"

Additionally, you don't think it's pretty much accepted that the world's most competetive golf lies in the US? That's too opinionated? Ok, thanks, I'll work on it.

 

[Aves]

<< but what's wrong with "an?" >>


That's what I was wondering. Doesn't "an" preceed a word that begins with a vowel rather than "a"?

 

[joohang]

<< Thanks for the suggestions, but what's wrong with "an?"

Additionally, you don't think it's pretty much accepted that the world's most competetive golf lies in the US? That's too opinionated? Ok, thanks, I'll work on it. >>


It's good to be opinionated as long as you prove it and it's relevant to the thesis of your paper.

Sorry. Too braindead right now to read your paper.

Edit: There's nothing wrong with the "an" as far as I know.

 

[Moonbeam]

I recon I wouldn't say golf lies within the US. I'd say is found in the us. You might explain what you mean by interesting. Why is us golf more interesting.

 

[OREOSpeedwagon]

I think what Piano Man is trying to say is that 'an' needs to be added in there.



<< and have interest in the game >>



should be 'and have an interest in the game'.

 

[joohang]

<< I think what Piano Man is trying to say is that 'an' needs to be added in there.



<< and have interest in the game >>



should be 'and have an interest in the game'. >>


Oh. In that case I agree with him.

 

[joohang]

<< I recon I wouldn't say golf lies within the US. I'd say is found in the us. You might explain what you mean by interesting. Why is us golf more interesting. >>


Good advice.

It's a good idea to keep "how" and "why" in mind when writing every sentence.

 

[GermyBoy]

Very interesting...thanks?

 

[911paramedic]

I hate how research papers read. There should be a copy without references, and a copy with them. It is so difficult to read a paper with references every 20 words. You just cannot enjoy the spirit of the paper when it reads like a technical manual.

IMHO

<--not your fault KnickNut3, that is the way they have to be written.



without:

To the public, he was ?a rich, fat, country club boy? out to spoil the hard-working Palmer?s success. Nicklaus worked hard to lose weight and grow out his crew cut hair in order to improve his physical image and become more well-liked. He began to draw big crowds himself, just like Palmer had, with his amazing power and accurate shots. Many began to enjoy golf because he portrayed it as a game that required thinking and strategy in addition to athleticism.

with:

To the public, he was ?a rich, fat, country club boy? out to spoil the hard-working Palmer?s success (Peper 148). Nicklaus worked hard to lose weight and grow out his crew cut hair in order to improve his physical image and become more well-liked (Peper 149). He began to draw big crowds himself, just like Palmer had, with his amazing power and accurate shots (Barkow 153). Many began to enjoy golf because he portrayed it as a game that required thinking and strategy in addition to athleticism (Hobbs 109).

 

[KnickNut3]

Thanks for all the suggestions and comments. Keep them coming. I'll keep the proof and being "found" in mind on the next read through.

You're right, that "an" should be there. I have read over it so many times I just assumed in the post it was already in there, lol.

I agree with you, 911paramedic, citations definitely disrupt the flow of the paper. That's why I would prefer endnotes/footnotes (with computer formatting they're not the problem they used to be on typewriters), or, as you said, a copy without citations. (That would also help me get my paper within the 12 page maximum )


<< You might explain what you mean by interesting. Why is us golf more interesting. >> >>


If I'm communicating my point correctly, I more mean that Americans had more interest in the game (because of association to a player's background, figures to associate with the game, exciting comebacks, greater audiences through TV, etc.), not that the game itself is more interesting in the US. I don't think I attempted to say that golf is more interesting in the US, just that people, through greater audiences, find it more interesting, and have a greater interest in it. Please point out if there's anywhere specific you feel this, thanks.

Thanks again. I'm enjoying these comments.

 

[911paramedic]

<<You might explain what you mean by interesting. Why is us golf more interesting. >>

Golf is one of those games that you can always get better at, no matter how good you are. Bowling, get a 300 game, over. Darts, triple bull, over. The list goes on... (ok, they are lame examples but I am all out of gas)

You can always shoot a lower score in golf, just like timed sports, always a quicker time around the corner.

 

[JellyBaby]

<< You can always shoot a lower score in golf >>

No, the lowest score in golf is 18, one stroke per hole.

<< Bowling, get a 300 game, over. >>

Can you do it again? Under pressure in a league? How about in a tournament?

Golf has a lot of variables that change the experience from one outing to another. I guess that's what makes it interesting.

 

[KnickNut3]

Not only that, but golf is a definite strategy game, moreso than most other sports. Most sports are either repetitive (races of all types) or bang bang (basketball, instant decision games). Golf is a game where on every shot, one must think about strategy that will have a significant impact on the way the game is played. A great equalizer for smarter yet less athletic people, and I think lots of people enjoy that.