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Rate my poem

R

Ryuson99

Golden Member
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky


Inspired by this topic


 
sorry dawg, I dont think people want to hurt your feelings by saying that the poem sounds cheesy. like your desparate last attempt at wooing a girl into the sac.
 
It doesn't suck
As much as that AFLAC Duck

That being said
it is still pretty bad.

If this is the best poetry you can write when you really try
Then my advice to you is to buy some KY

Cause you will never get laid
No matter how hard you try.
 
:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:'s for all



I know that the poem sounds cheesy i did it in one minute, I really just needed opinions


so more :beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:'s for you and some :cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie::cookie:'s too
 
Originally posted by: shinerburke
It doesn't suck
As much as that AFLAC Duck

That being said
it is still pretty bad.

If this is the best poetry you can write when you really try
Then my adive to you is to buy some KY

Cause you will never get laid
No matter how hard you try.
Click to expand...

now that's a poem big dawg.
 
Originally posted by: shinerburke
It doesn't suck
As much as that AFLAC Duck

That being said
it is still pretty bad.

If this is the best poetry you can write when you really try
Then my advice to you is to buy some KY

Cause you will never get laid
No matter how hard you try.
Click to expand...

OMGWTFBBQILOVEIT

ROTFLMAO
 
my biggest pet peive.... people think good poetry has to rhyme... IT DOESNT.
there are so many types of poems its incredible.
I think non-rhyming poems sound better just because you ahve to be very careful that if they do rhyme that they are not cheesey.
try writing something that dosent rhym, but still has a nice beat and flow
 
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Originally posted by: shinerburke
It doesn't suck
As much as that AFLAC Duck

That being said
it is still pretty bad.

If this is the best poetry you can write when you really try
Then my advice to you is to buy some KY

Cause you will never get laid
No matter how hard you try.
Click to expand...

OMGWTFBBQILOVEIT

ROTFLMAO
Click to expand...

😉

Well I am the Poet Laureate of ATOT you know.....
 
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky


Inspired by this topic
Click to expand...

Not saying yours is bad...but an example of nonrhyming poetry:

Down
Down
Down
The earth
and You
recieve
the shine of stars
sent out
long before
they knew that Your eyes
would catch their
glimmer
Making You
That much more celestial
and
Heavenly
With an aura of Your
Beauty and grace

You enhanced thier light
brought here
Down
Down
Down
To earth
for You.

Sorry, i didnt say i was a professional, but just as an example

 
Originally posted by: Lola
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky


Inspired by this topic
Click to expand...

Not saying yours is bad...but an example of nonrhyming poetry:

Down
Down
Down
The earth
and You
recieve
the shine of stars
sent out
long before
they knew that Your eyes
would catch their
glimmer
Making You
That much more celestial
and
Heavenly
With an aura of Your
Beauty and grace

You enhanced thier light
brought here
Down
Down
Down
To earth
for You.

Sorry, i didnt say i was a professional, but just as an example
Click to expand...


What the hell did you just say? all I understood was Down Down Down
 
Originally posted by: Lola
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky


Inspired by this topic
Click to expand...

Not saying yours is bad...but an example of nonrhyming poetry:

Down
Down
Down
The earth
and You
recieve
the shine of stars
sent out
long before
they knew that Your eyes
would catch their
glimmer
Making You
That much more celestial
and
Heavenly
With an aura of Your
Beauty and grace

You enhanced thier light
brought here
Down
Down
Down
To earth
for You.

Sorry, i didnt say i was a professional, but just as an example
Click to expand...
I like this one better...

met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola
See-oh-el-aye cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
El-oh-el-aye Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won't you come home with me
Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Well I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I'm gonna make you a man

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola




😉
 
This one is real

You

In my sleep, in my dream, I weep
wishing you are the one I can keep
across oceans we leap
filling the waters with our tears that run deep

I am above the clouds and beneath the sea
one day I wish it could be just you and me
living life as it was meant to be
love you always, for eternity

as I see you asleep, as I see you awake, my life I'll let you take
for you my body aches
with me you'll always be safe
do you believe in fate?

Being without you brings so much pain
when I think of you I feel it throughout my veins
us apart is driving me insane
come and live with me in my domain

you are who I think about
you are who I dream about
you are who you are and for that I love you


this is the only one I found saved on my comp. I did this one like 3 years ago.
 
Originally posted by: shinerburke
Originally posted by: Lola
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the nights sky
for everytime i see your smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment of a loves cry
Stars twinkle in the nights sky
as in holding you forever never saying good bye
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i sigh
that is why Stars only twinkle in the nights sky


Inspired by this topic
Click to expand...

Not saying yours is bad...but an example of nonrhyming poetry:

Down
Down
Down
The earth
and You
recieve
the shine of stars
sent out
long before
they knew that Your eyes
would catch their
glimmer
Making You
That much more celestial
and
Heavenly
With an aura of Your
Beauty and grace

You enhanced thier light
brought here
Down
Down
Down
To earth
for You.

Sorry, i didnt say i was a professional, but just as an example
Click to expand...
I like this one better...

met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola
See-oh-el-aye cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
El-oh-el-aye Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy won't you come home with me
Well I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes well I almost fell for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
I pushed her away
I walked to the door
I fell to the floor
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me

Well that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
La-la-la-la Lola
Well I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I'm gonna make you a man

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola




😉
Click to expand...

yeah i like one too.. it brings out my oh-so masculine side 😀
 
Originally posted by: moshquerade
you want the truth or a lie?

the truth: it sucks
a lie: someone might say it doesn't suck
Click to expand...

Here is a nice non rhyming poem I wrote.

Therapy

Pain flowing from my fountain pen
I dip my quill into tints of misery
Etching the fragments of my despair.
onto parchment made of brittle regret
My trembling hand dotting i's and crossing t's
The sound of my grief solidifying before my eyes
a composition that only I can comprehend
sorrow bursting out of my fingertips
pummeling this thin wooden pulp
Fingertips stained with a dye of insanity
I write as a form of therapy
against those demons that reside within

© Rod Arbogast 02/14/01

Um yes I am insane.
 
Originally posted by: Abrasive
Originally posted by: moshquerade
you want the truth or a lie?

the truth: it sucks
a lie: someone might say it doesn't suck
Click to expand...

Here is a nice non rhyming poem I wrote.

Therapy

Pain flowing from my fountain pen
I dip my quill into tints of misery
Etching the fragments of my despair.
onto parchment made of brittle regret
My trembling hand dotting i's and crossing t's
The sound of my grief solidifying before my eyes
a composition that only I can comprehend
sorrow bursting out of my fingertips
pummeling this thin wooden pulp
Fingertips stained with a dye of insanity
I write as a form of therapy
against those demons that reside within

© Rod Arbogast 02/14/01

Um yes I am insane.
Click to expand...



:thumbsup:

The OP needs to take some lessons from this.
 
Originally posted by: Lola
my biggest pet peive.... people think good poetry has to rhyme... IT DOESNT.
there are so many types of poems its incredible.
I think non-rhyming poems sound better just because you ahve to be very careful that if they do rhyme that they are not cheesey.
try writing something that dosent rhym, but still has a nice beat and flow
Click to expand...

poems that dont rhyme...no way... 🙂
 
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best and 1 being the worst, I would give your poem a 0.

Anyway, here is a :cookie:
 
Originally posted by: shinerburke
It doesn't suck
As much as that AFLAC Duck

That being said
it is still pretty bad.

If this is the best poetry you can write when you really try
Then my advice to you is to buy some KY

Cause you will never get laid
No matter how hard you try.
Click to expand...

Now THERE's a good poem.
 
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Why Stars Twinkle By: Me

Stars twinkle in the night's sky
for everytime i see my smile in your bright eyes
time goes back in time as to not pass us by
for every shimmering moment our love endures
Stars twinkle in the night's sky
as holding you forever, never saying our good byes
with a hug and a kiss to seal our love as it does not lie
sometimes we fight as comes the sunlight and so i realize
that is why Stars only twinkle in the night's sky


Inspired by this topic
Click to expand...

How's that sound? If you don't like it, lemme know and I'll erase it.
 
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