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RANT!! I just got kicked out of my house!

A

AnimeKnight

Golden Member
I just pissed off my dad and he wants me to move out asap 🙁

To give you guys a little background...
I moved from Taiwan to US since 1990 because of my mom threaten to kill me and my sisters. Ever since then when my dad gets mad he will say "why did I even bring you guys to US, I should have left you guys at Taiwan with your whore mom (that's what he said for numerous times)" He also constantly telling us that my grandparents are not proud of us because my dad merried my mom against their wish and we are the offsprings of my mom.

I am now 23 so he's been saying that since I was 12. Anyhow... My grandma just passed away about a month ago so my dad has been staying at my grandpa's place since then. Anyway my sister just got into a car accident and she needs to drive my car for couple days until her car is fixed. I went to Tahoe for snowboarding over the long weekend and just came back from 8 hours of long drive to S. CA. My dad called me want me to take my sister down (more driving whoopie!!) to him so that I can take his car while my sister takes my car.

I got there, he asked me if I wanted to sit down for a while. I told him I gotta read some stuff and I have not unpack yet. That's when he went off on me saying that I have time to go snowboarding and I don't have time to sit for 5 min to talk to grandpa. I didn't say anything the whole time.. so he contiuned to yell at me while cleaning up his car. I stayed silent the whole time.

Then he said.. "I don't know how you could be so cold hearted, don't even visit your grandpa even after your grandma's death."

I said, "I don't wanna say anything right now, grandpa is here."

He said "NO!! tell me now!! I want to know WHY!!"

I told him "You want to know why?? You sure you want to know why in front of grandpa?"

He said "tell us"

I told him "ever since we were little you kept telling us how our grandparents are not proud of us so how can you expect somehting from us?"

he said "is that your excuse?"

I said " Yeah part of it"

and then I forgot what he said or what happened.. I continued telling my reasons, I said "Look at you.. you even took out a knife and chased after grandpa."

He got more pissed off and shouted " I didn't take out a knife and chased after him, I just took out the knife and throw it hard on the counter"

I said, "I saw everything from the roof (I was around 14) I saw grandpa ran out"

That's when my grandpa stepped in and say stop arguing.. grandma just passed away.. I said "sorry grandpa"

My dad then went to the car and clean out his stuff... and handed me the key.. when I took the key.. he said "What kind of grandson are you? what kind of attitude is that? get out of the house as soon as possible."

anyhow.. I am a stubbon man and I know that my dad said it out of anger..
but I want to move out just to piss him off more.
Personally I don't think I have any faults. I asked him if he really wants to know why.. and he said yes.. so I told him how I feel.

Anyhow.. I gotta figure out what to do? any suggestions? thanks for reading
 
never argue with an asian parent

seriously


but yeah, that really does suck

i'd fine a roommate and moveout, unless you are financially not capable of moving out at the moment
 
Do you have any friends that you can move in with until this all blows over, or until you can afford to rent an apartment and support yourself?
 
Move out asap. Go to a friends for a while if you don't have the money. Work hard and build up for a small apt. Seriously, hearing that ever since you were 12 must be harsh. When he is on his deathbed, old, and alone, he will realize what mistake he made.
 
I'm 23, I'm not in your situation, but I do live with my family. I dont know if your in school, but I'm almost done. It's time to leave the nest. Don't do it to piss him off, do it because you need to create your own life and experience the world. It would seem that being asian and staying out of family affairs is very hard. It's not an easy lifestyle. Just remember when you have kids to not be that way. I'm half Armenian and fortunatly, my dad has always been easy going because he has been here so long. I think that when you get older , you will probably keep some of the customs of your people while still adopting newer ones.
 
Do you have any friends that you can move in with until this all blows over, or until you can afford to rent an apartment and support yourself?


I just talked to one of my friends.. and I can move in with them for as long as I want. I can afford to rent an apartment (just mean some sacrifices) I was just trying to leech off my parents as long as I can and besides.. they the one that didn't want me to move out in the first place (until now I guess)

Seriously, hearing that ever since you were 12 must be harsh.
you have no idea... how harsh it is, listening that your grandparents are not proud of you.. or your mom is a "whore" or I should have left you in Taiwan... I had a major break down my first year in college when I was living in the dorm.. watching my roommates going home during weekends and I had no place to go.. I didn't want to go home. How can you expect me to respect my grandparents when they not even proud of me??
 
wow, sorry to hear all that..

just like what was meantioned above.. try to find a friends house. are you working, going to school, or both? if you can finacially suport your self, go ahead and get an appartment.
 
Actually it would be a good idea to move out permanently. Your father and grandfather need to be told how you feel from a financially independent standpoint. Neither of them has the right to tell you that you are scum just because of your mother. It sounds like they are not just going to accept this. You'll have to take a firm stand and make it very clear that they need to accept you as a human being worthy of proper treatment and not the son of some marriage gone bad. A lot of this requires you to not be under their control or their roof. If your still in college, transfer to living in the dorm, if your working find an apartment or a roomate situation.
Until then your not going to get the respect your deserve from them.
 
sorry to hear about that

maybe it will be for the best, if you have space you won't be fighting, but this space comes at a cost.
 
sorry to hear about your problems... i am *somewhat* going through the same experience, except through my girlfriend... she lives in richmond but luckily is moving down here in so cal with her uncle where i can take care of her... just know you're not alone and be there for your friends and they will be there for you..

do you have any other family members that arent total jerks? try to stick together and help each other out 'n' stuff...

you'll get through it though, dont worry

p.s. make sure htey ahve ATOT access at your friends apartment, i'd hate to know what ATOT withdrawls felt like
 
Being an asian myself, and drawing from my experiences, my suggestion would be for you to stay put and not move out just to spite your dad. Sure thats what he told you to do, but he said that in a state of rage and irrationality. Asian parents are like that sometimes. If you move out to spite your dad, it might cause more trouble than good, because he'll get even more upset and your problems will not be solved. Instead I suggest that you just lay cool for a while, don't piss of your dad for a while, and then try to find a way to move out on your own terms. Just lay low for now and stay out of his way.

Heifetz
 
i had a fallout w/ my dad and he told me i was kicked out...later he took it back but the next day while he was at work, i packed my sh!t and left.

best thing i've done in a while, it was about 16 months ago. i dont totally know you or your dad, and i cant possibly totally understand your situation, but i'd say if what happened to you, happened to me, i'd move out.

no offense but your dad sounds like a very rotten, bitter man. you'll probably be better off without him

either way, best of luck 🙂
 



<< you have no idea... how harsh it is, listening that your grandparents are not proud of you.. or your mom is a "whore" or I should have left you in Taiwan... I had a major break down my first year in college when I was living in the dorm.. watching my roommates going home during weekends and I had no place to go.. I didn't want to go home. How can you expect me to respect my grandparents when they not even proud of me?? >>



I hope that you have since learned to at least respect yourself, regardless of what your family thinks of you. I hate to say this, but I've found out the hard way that the only person that you can depend on 100% is yourself and no one else. You must ask yourself if you have faith in your own self worth because if you don't, who else will?

As for your current situation, if you can afford to move out, I'd do so. I don't believe one can put a price on peace of mind, and if it came to down to making a few material sacrifices for a bearable living situation free of emotional abuse, I'd make those sacrifices.
 
asian parents are too strict and asian fathers refuse to admit when they're wrong.


i agree.. and i am not going to admit that i am wrong either.. I think i am going to move in with my friend put most of my belongings in a public storage room and find a second job and see what's down the road for me

I hope that you have since learned to at least respect yourself, regardless of what your family thinks of you. I hate to say this, but I've found out the hard way that the only person that you can depend on 100% is yourself and no one else. You must ask yourself if you have faith in your own self worth because if you don't, who else will?


I have learned 3 years ago to respect myself regardless of what other ppl think of me. I partial agree with you on depending yourself 100% I think that at this time I need to depend on my friends as well.. depend 100% on myself will be too lonely.
 


<< I have learned 3 years ago to respect myself regardless of what other ppl think of me. I partial agree with you on depending yourself 100% I think that at this time I need to depend on my friends as well.. depend 100% on myself will be too lonely. >>



Great. I'm not saying try to make it by yourself, but rather that the most important person for support in your life will be yourself. Best of luck to your situation.
 
1) Based upon what you've told us your dad is an a-hole. He got what was coming to him and the truth hurts.
2) Living on your own out of the blue is not easy at all. Think long and hard before volunteering for that if it's predominantly just to spite your father.
3) If you do move out in these circumstances your relationship with your father could become almost nonexistent for the rest of your life if you don't watch it. Do you want that?
4) Ideally you should get together with your dad and offer an appology (I know you may not have done anything wrong), and make sure that he gives you slack as well.

Really depends on your situation though. If you're in school with no income moving out is not easy. If you're employed pulling in lots of money and just leeching as you say (I wish I could have done that!) then moving out could be a fluid transaction.
 
I almost got shot (seriously) by my dad and got abused by a stepmom.

I haven't seen that b!tch (to put it lightly for what she did to me) for about 9 years and life couldn't be any better.

I pretty much moved out from my dad, but still depend on him (on my new stepmom, to be more accurate) slightly since I'm raising their kids (my sister, my half-sister and my half-brother - the 7-year-old I mentioned on the other thread).

My dad is an ex-Marine in Korea and went to Vietnam - maybe that explains his extreme actions at times. He got better as he grew older though.

Funny thing is.. now that I turned out to be a "filial and successful" son, it is because of his virtue and his "education."

To sum up my experience with my parents - yeah. I almost got shot and he did fire the gun and I hid behind a pinetree (some 10 years ago), but I surprisingly get along with him now.
 
To sum up my experience with my parents - yeah. I almost got shot and he did fire the gun and I hid behind a pinetree (some 10 years ago), but I surprisingly get along with him now.


so it takes you 10 years to get back together with your dad? I am surprised you two got back together. that's something i want to avoid is to destroy the relationship with my dad (even thoug i don't really have any)
 


<< so it takes you 10 years to get back together with your dad? I am surprised you two got back together. that's something i want to avoid is to destroy the relationship with my dad (even thoug i don't really have any) >>


Nope. My relationship with him was a strange one. Hell.. my life before 15 was even more strange. I lived in 3 different countries. I lived the life of a middle class, then upper class (I used to hang out with children of Argentinian ministers), and then financially-troubled middle class. I had 3 different mothers and a father, who now in retrospect, he was under some major emotional stress (he'll kill me if he reads this thread).

I lived with him throughout, but he moved around often. I spent much of my life since 11 independently with my sister (who is 2 years younger than me).

I intend to write an autobiography one day. 🙂
 
BTW, about your situation - I suggest you to move out, but not now. Stay with him if you can. Make yourself financially independent and then officially move out.

I noticed that now that I am much more independent, they treat me much differently now. They won't admit their mistakes (only briefly indirectly when they resent something major) but at least they respect my argument a lot (probably because I tend to make more correct decisions than they do).

The East Asian family culture has developed into a very strange one; that's for sure.
 
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