Rant about bad parenting.

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

haven't got there yet in my opinion. i agree, at some point i'm going to have to trust my childrens judgement. i trust my son for some things now, but not yet.

when the time comes i'll make the adjustment.

I agree at 6, the child is not able to make that decision. I was just curious as to what parents thought was a good age for that.

I would imagine it's around the same age where they get their license and a car to drive. After that, you really can't have much control over where they are, what they are doing and with whom.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: pulse8

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

haven't got there yet in my opinion. i agree, at some point i'm going to have to trust my childrens judgement. i trust my son for some things now, but not yet.

when the time comes i'll make the adjustment.

I agree at 6, the child is not able to make that decision. I was just curious as to what parents thought was a good age for that.

ya, i'm thinking 15, 16, they might make friends at school and such where i don't know parents of their friends, but i still would want to know.

obviously when they go away to college i won't be able to demand to meet the parents of all their friends. so mb when they go to college.

 

[Amorphus]

wow, all these *shudder* old people in one thread at the same time.

*runs away*

I think a lot of people my age (*cough*teens*cough*) are so irresponsible. you guys call it caring, I bet your kids call it sticking your nose into their business. yeah? some people around here call their parents nazis if they check their homework every night after they brought home straight Cs...

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

I trust my 15 year old daughter, but she has proven herself to be trustworthy, responsible, and sensible. It's not so much about age... it is about when they consistantly demonstrate GOOD CHOICES. My daughter has learned from the mistakes she has made and she is very open with me about what goes on in her life. I am not kidding. First of all, the kid can't keep a secret to save her life, and second of all, she knows there is nothing she could ever do or say that would change how much I love her.

My younger daughter on the other hand, will probably be more of a challenge. She's been trying to pull the wool over my eyes since she was a tot. I love her equally, but she has a completely different temperment. She will lie to my face (and I will have hard evidence of the truth) and I have to control myself from laughing. I'll say, "Remember, you won't get in as much trouble if you tell the truth!" and she'll come back later, with the truth PLUS some argument about why she really wasn't lying/doing/anything wrong/etc. She's a natural at plea bargaining, and she has a mind for mischief. I think we need to save up for law school for her.

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

I trust my 15 year old daughter, but she has proven herself to be trustworthy, responsible, and sensible. It's not so much about age... it is about when they consistantly demonstrate GOOD CHOICES. My daughter has learned from the mistakes she has made and she is very open with me about what goes on in her life. I am not kidding. First of all, the kid can't keep a secret to save her life, and second of all, she knows there is nothing she could ever do or say that would change how much I love her.

My younger daughter on the other hand, will probably be more of a challenge. She's been trying to pull the wool over my eyes since she was a tot. I love her equally, but she has a completely different temperment. She will lie to my face (and I will have hard evidence of the truth) and I have to control myself from laughing. I'll say, "Remember, you won't get in as much trouble if you tell the truth!" and she'll come back later, with the truth PLUS some argument about why she really wasn't lying/doing/anything wrong/etc. She's a natural at plea bargaining, and she has a mind for mischief. I think we need to save up for law school for her.

she's 15 already? :Q

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

What age do you?

KK

 

[Isla]

15 and a half, Melly... the middle one is pushing ten and my baby will be 4 in 6 weeks or so.

Time flies!

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: Amorphus
wow, all these *shudder* old people in one thread at the same time.

*runs away*

I think a lot of people my age (*cough*teens*cough*) are so irresponsible. you guys call it caring, I bet your kids call it sticking your nose into their business. yeah? some people around here call their parents nazis if they check their homework every night after they brought home straight Cs...

my kids and i have a great relationships. they all have times when i play with them as if we were friends. they really enjoy the times we play together, but they also know that I'm not their friend. I'm their father.

there are lines.

as they grow older i will try to foster more of a friendship type relationship but there will always be lines. their will be fewer lines, but they will be there until they can leave home and be responsible for themselves.

call it being nosy or what not, but they are my responsibility.

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: KK

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

What age do you?

KK

I don't have kids.

I'm selfish enough at this age. I don't need anyone to take my gadget money.

 

[melly]

Originally posted by: Isla
15 and a half, Melly... the middle one is pushing ten and my baby will be 4 in 6 weeks or so.

Time flies!

blah, yes it does. i remember when baby b was born

 

[mastertech01]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: pulse8
At what age do you trust your child's judgement on who they spend time with?

I trust my 15 year old daughter, but she has proven herself to be trustworthy, responsible, and sensible. It's not so much about age... it is about when they consistantly demonstrate GOOD CHOICES. My daughter has learned from the mistakes she has made and she is very open with me about what goes on in her life. I am not kidding. First of all, the kid can't keep a secret to save her life, and second of all, she knows there is nothing she could ever do or say that would change how much I love her.

My younger daughter on the other hand, will probably be more of a challenge. She's been trying to pull the wool over my eyes since she was a tot. I love her equally, but she has a completely different temperment. She will lie to my face (and I will have hard evidence of the truth) and I have to control myself from laughing. I'll say, "Remember, you won't get in as much trouble if you tell the truth!" and she'll come back later, with the truth PLUS some argument about why she really wasn't lying/doing/anything wrong/etc. She's a natural at plea bargaining, and she has a mind for mischief. I think we need to save up for law school for her.

Its strange how different they can be. My youngest is like night and day difference compared to how her older sister was. Stubborn and hard to reach. But she is 21 now, too late to have much control.

 

[Aquaman]

Maybe they were not kids at all but midget dwarves who were casing your house

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[StageLeft]

I don't know what the cutoff would be for me but when I have a kid and he/she is only 6 years old if they expect to go over to a friends house to hangout they sure as hell are not going without a parental pre-screening by myself or mrs.skoorb, by God!

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: Amorphus
wow, all these *shudder* old people in one thread at the same time.

*runs away*

I think a lot of people my age (*cough*teens*cough*) are so irresponsible. you guys call it caring, I bet your kids call it sticking your nose into their business. yeah? some people around here call their parents nazis if they check their homework every night after they brought home straight Cs...

my kids and i have a great relationships. they all have times when i play with them as if we were friends. they really enjoy the times we play together, but they also know that I'm not their friend. I'm their father.

there are lines.

as they grow older i will try to foster more of a friendship type relationship but there will always be lines. their will be fewer lines, but they will be there until they can leave home and be responsible for themselves.

call it being nosy or what not, but they are my responsibility.

It will probably work out well for you, LeeTJ. I have a similar philosophy as a parent, and so far, so good. By some standards, I'm a strict parent, but the lines of communication are always open, the kids get some say in how things go, and as they become more responsible, they get more priveleges.

My oldest gets a nice $$ per week allowance and in return she helps out quite a bit around the house and babysits here and there for me. If we actually go out on the weekend without the kids, she gets to invite a responsible friend over (a neighbor boy, actually) and the two of them babysit and get paid for it (the 10 year old would snitch if something wasn't working about this arrangement).

She also goes out regularly with her best friend/boyfriend. He is joining us on our family vacation this year. They will be supervised the whole time. Yes, they will be tempted, but they would be anyway. They are both good, responsible kids and we are very open with them about our (relatively conservative) views.

They grow up, and hopefully they will be healthy and balanced in body and mind.

 

[LeeTJ]

Update

Ok, so i went over to the neighbors house, I figure if their kids are going to keep coming over to our house i should have their contact info etc. While i was there i said to the mother, "Hey, it's great our kids can play together, but from now on, please call us before you send them over." Exchanged phone numbers and left.

couple days later, my son and his friend are walking home after getting off the school bus and my wife sees them and the kid says to my wife that he can't come over any more because I don't like him.

LOL. What kind of parent would tell his/her child something in like that??

I never said i didn't like the kid, i just wanted to know that there was a responsible parent on the other end in case something happened.

anyway, i hope he never comes over, cause i guarantee you, if he came over and got hurt at my house, his parents would be trying to sue us left and fvcking right.

sheesh.

Would you call that parenting??

 

[ProviaFan]

RE: your update

That is quite fvcked. In my perspective (hey, I'm only a 16 year old kid so my opinion doesn't matter, but anyway...), you did the right thing. After all, it is logical to come to the conclusion you did about the possibility of being sued by the parents if something bad did happen.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ
My son, 6 yrs old had a neigbor friend over at our house today and what struck me was, I've never met his parents before, they never came over ONCE, they didn't even come to tell him it was time to come home and it was going on 7:30 pm before i had to tell this kid and his younger brother it was time for them to go home.

I don't get parents like that. Me, there is NO way i could ever let my kid stay over all day at someone elses home w/o knowing something about the parents.

again, mb i'm just waaaayyyyyy to controlling, but i think the other parents are just crazy to let their 2 children go to a strangers house and stay all day long w/o finding out anything about the people that live there.

Update

Ok, so i went over to the neighbors house, I figure if their kids are going to keep coming over to our house i should have their contact info etc. While i was there i said to the mother, "Hey, it's great our kids can play together, but from now on, please call us before you send them over." Exchanged phone numbers and left.

couple days later, my son and his friend are walking home after getting off the school bus and my wife sees them and the kid says to my wife that he can't come over any more because I don't like him.

LOL. What kind of parent would tell his/her child something in like that??

I never said i didn't like the kid, i just wanted to know that there was a responsible parent on the other end in case something happened.

anyway, i hope he never comes over, cause i guarantee you, if he came over and got hurt at my house, his parents would be trying to sue us left and fvcking right.

sheesh.

Would you call that parenting??

Wow. that is bad parenting.

But you are the type i would want living next door to me. At least i would know that its safe to send my daughter over to play.

 

[zCypher]

Yea that's pretty dumb. heh

 

[hdeck]

eh, you are too uptight. my parents let me do stuff like that. i turned out fine. don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, go to college.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: hdeck
eh, you are too uptight. my parents let me do stuff like that. i turned out fine. don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, go to college.

mb your right. my parents let me do a lot of stuff too, but the oldest is only 6 yrs old. in this new day and age, i'm not sure i could just leave my kids with parents i've never met.

 

[thomsbrain]

what's sad is those people were allowed to reproduce.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

We had a little girl who was over all the time in our old neighborhood. Sort of a broken family, she was babysat by her older brothers mostly so she really liked hanging out @ our house w/my daughters. She was a very nice kid & I didn't mind her being around, if she was still there @ bedtime we'd just walk her home. Her mom was very nice too, but a little too casual in letting her be out & about so much. Too many creeps in the world to relax that much.

 

[WyteWatt]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ
My son, 6 yrs old had a neigbor friend over at our house today and what struck me was, I've never met his parents before, they never came over ONCE, they didn't even come to tell him it was time to come home and it was going on 7:30 pm before i had to tell this kid and his younger brother it was time for them to go home.

I don't get parents like that. Me, there is NO way i could ever let my kid stay over all day at someone elses home w/o knowing something about the parents.

again, mb i'm just waaaayyyyyy to controlling, but i think the other parents are just crazy to let their 2 children go to a strangers house and stay all day long w/o finding out anything about the people that live there.

Update

Ok, so i went over to the neighbors house, I figure if their kids are going to keep coming over to our house i should have their contact info etc. While i was there i said to the mother, "Hey, it's great our kids can play together, but from now on, please call us before you send them over." Exchanged phone numbers and left.

couple days later, my son and his friend are walking home after getting off the school bus and my wife sees them and the kid says to my wife that he can't come over any more because I don't like him.

LOL. What kind of parent would tell his/her child something in like that??

I never said i didn't like the kid, i just wanted to know that there was a responsible parent on the other end in case something happened.

anyway, i hope he never comes over, cause i guarantee you, if he came over and got hurt at my house, his parents would be trying to sue us left and fvcking right.

sheesh.

Would you call that parenting??

LeeTJ no i would not call that good parenting for the other two kids. I sound like a really responsible parent which is good! I couldn't agree more with you! My mom and dad always did that with me too! Glad they did too! I am glad we still have pretty many responsible parents out there like you! Praise the Lord!!!

 

[WyteWatt]

Originally posted by: thomsbrain
what's sad is those people were allowed to reproduce.

thomsbrain yep sadly but true But what can we do about that? Nothing really. Except educate all people about how to be a good parent. Like maybe in high school even if you are never ever going to be one. I learned how to be a good parent from my parents.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
We had a little girl who was over all the time in our old neighborhood. Sort of a broken family, she was babysat by her older brothers mostly so she really liked hanging out @ our house w/my daughters. She was a very nice kid & I didn't mind her being around, if she was still there @ bedtime we'd just walk her home. Her mom was very nice too, but a little too casual in letting her be out & about so much. Too many creeps in the world to relax that much.

i don't mind having other peoples kids over. but there are courtesy's involved. if you want to live in the same neighborhood, you should have some respect for other peoples families.

besides, i didn't do anything that deserved her telling her kid that i didn't like them. all i said was, if your kids are going to come over, have an adult call us first. This is NOT an unreasonable request.

my thought after this discussion with her and after hearing what her son told my wife is, these are the types of people that would sue me IF their kid got hurt while playing at my house.