Random thoughts on monagamy

[Arkitech]

Sometimes I think its cool that you can have a person all to yourself and having the satisfaction of knowing that they are saving it for you. But... on the other hand at times it sickens me to think that I can never experience the touch of another woman.
They say life is all about variety but yet according to the traditional principles of marriage that variety is severly limited when it comes to one of the most enjoyable activities a man and woman can engage in together.

I'm in my twenties and I used to think that when I got older that this kind of feeling would pass, but in talking to some other cats who are much older than me they all tell me that its a temptation/feeling that will never completely go away.

what do yall think

 

[FettsBabe]

Is usually passes when you become mature enough to allow other things to take precedence over sex. Such as: a stable home, job, family, and relationship. Sometimes for men and women its early twenties, mid twenties, thirties, and sometimes never.

 

[GasX]

I don't think it is an age thing so much as a sole provider / mortgage / kids running around / always tired thing...

 

[Viper GTS]

But... on the other hand at times it sickens me to think that I can never experience the touch of another woman.

Do your women a favor, then, & don't marry them.

Marriage is not about sex, the sex is just an added bonus.

Viper GTS

 

[jhu]

diogamay and triogamy sound neat. quadragamy and up is just too many people though

 

[Noriaki]

Well, I personally don't have a desire to have sex with anyone that I don't love. To me that's a huge part of the desire in sexual activity. The pure physical pleasure isn't that important to me, and I'm only 20.

I enjoy looking, but it's rare that I actually want to have sex with some random pretty girl. No matter how attractive the women around me are, my sexual thoughts always return to the one girl that I love (course I don't get to have sex with her because she doesn't love me back, but that's a whole different can of worms).

I suppose it depends what your priorities and enjoyments in life are, the physical act of sex isn't one of my priorities...but I suppose if it were, then being attached to a single person forever would kind of stink.

 

[freebee]

Do you love your computer?

When is the last time you upgraded cause you lost interest in the old one (too slow, uncooperative, worn out, or just plain boring). No one wants the same old thing everyday for years.

Btw Computers are like women. You don't appreciate how good they are until they go down on you.

 

[Viper GTS]

No one wants the same old thing everyday for years.

Except for someone who's mature enough to place love, security, safety, and friendship above what's going on "down there."

It's guys like you who use women & dump them.

Viper GTS

 

[Descartes]

Personally, I think the problem stems from the simple narcisistic arrogance that humans have. We view our simple act of fornication as some sort of "gift" from an enigmatic entity, whereas the fornication of every other living thing is simply animal instinct. There are many species that mimic the behavior of our own species (family, staying w/ children until they can be set free, etc.), whereas some simply fornicate and move on. I read somewhere (MSNBC I think) that manogamy was based on the deception of the female, in that the only reason the male gender stays with any given female _after_ he's fornicated with her, is that the woman pulls a veil of the male's eyes in regards to fertility. Many females of different species have clear indications of their ability to conceive (chemical or otherwise), whereas we humans, do not.

We also have to understand, that although we feel that we're so intellectually superior to every thing that "creepeth upon the earth (re: Genesis)", our core intellect hasn't evolved past the abilities of your common lizard. We're very, very often reduced to this primitive brain (i.e. "lymphics system" (sp?)) in many different situations. Ever wondered why those who are intoxicated are more likely to fornicate w/ random individuals, or simply, their libido is increased? It's because of the way alcohol affects our brains and reduces us to this primitive brain. We're reduced to the primal urges of nature, something our otherwise "intellectually evolved" faculties would prevent. This is the same reason many who are intoxicated get violent.

So, anyway, I think it's highly overrated. Personally, I would never cheat on someone I cared about. I just simply have no interest in pursuing another female if I already have one.

 

[GasX]

It's the Limbic System. It is the central part of your brain and controls instinctual bahavior - hunger, thirst, sex, smell, fight or flight. Alcohol dulls the higher brain and makes the limbic system more influential.

 

[Arkitech]

<< Is usually passes when you become mature enough to allow other things to take precedence over sex. Such as: a stable home, job, family, and relationship. Sometimes for men and women its early twenties, mid twenties, thirties, and sometimes never. >>




I think those things are extremely important and I would never trade the love of my sig. other for my own selfish pursuits. However I still can't help but to wonder what would the experience be like if I were with an asian or spanish woman, a more mature woman, a younger woman.

Even married people at times seek out other people for conversation and recreational activities. Thats not to say that they are turning their backs on their spouses but as humans we thrive on variety, why is it that we are so confined in regards to sexual relationships?

 

[BoberFett]

After having been married and now getting divorced, the idea that two people can stay together for 50+ years baffles me. In today's society, there are too many paths that life can take. It used to be that life pretty much had one direction: work in the family business, get married, have kids, retire, die. The options that are available to us nowadays have increased the number of ways life can change exponentially. I think the chances are pretty slim that people who have the same goals at 20 years old when they marry will share the same goals for the rest of their lives.

 

[J2T]

Plus, having to deal with one woman is more than enough for me! The thought of more than that kind of scares me! lol

 

[FettsBabe]

<< No one wants the same old thing everyday for years. >>



Remember that statement when your sig. other runs off with amother man, because your &quot;old thing&quot; doesn't function anymore.

 

[Keribeth]

While i dont agree with the whole..&quot; it's animal instinct&quot; stuff..here's another thought. Is it realistic to think that we can happily spend our entire lives with the same person? When people were living to the age of 50 this was an easier task. With poeple living well into their 80s and 90s now, how many of us will stay with one person for that long?

 

[Spoooon]

<< Is usually passes when you become mature enough to allow other things to take precedence over sex. >>




<< Marriage is not about sex >>


Well, if sex is not so important when it comes to marriage, why is it a big deal if we cheat?

 

[Viper GTS]

Is it realistic to think that we can happily spend our entire lives with the same person?

Why not?

Why else would marriage vows include that little thing about death?

Well, if sex is not so important when it comes to marriage, why is it a big deal if we cheat?

Because it violates the trust &amp; commitment that comes with marriage.

Viper GTS

 

[FettsBabe]

<< why is it a big deal if we cheat? >>



Because you break your wedding vows, emotional commitment, and physical loyalty. Would you care if your wife cheated?

Sex is important to a relationship but its not the most impotant aspect of the marriage. Once you allow other &quot;more logically important items&quot; to take precedence over sex then you can have a wonderful marriage &quot;if&quot; your partner has the same feelings as you.

 

[Descartes]

<< Why else would marriage vows include that little thing about death? >>



True, but that doesn't mean it's right. All theologians will quickly say, &quot;God ordained that marriage be unwaivering.&quot; This just reverts back to what I consider to be a nonsensical perception of marriage. It's simply against our, and every other animal's nature, and to deny that, is very, very naive. That doesn't mean people can't or shouldn't stay together, that just means that it takes hard work, not relying on the fantasy of a special someone set in place by an omnipotent creator.

Sorry, not trying to bring religion into this, but I think it's a valid point

[edit]Note, I'm being a little facetious about my generalization of &quot;All theologians say...&quot; It's just rhetoric, so ignore it [/edit]

 

[Viper GTS]

It's simply against our, and every other animal's nature, and to deny that, is very, very naive.

And there you have the core difference between your belief set &amp; mine. You believe you are nothing more than an animal, whereas I do not.

Do whatever you like, but I will take monogamy.

Viper GTS

 

[Keribeth]

I support monogomy myself. i think that just because i can act like an animal doesnt mean i should. furthermore, many species mate for life, not just humans.

 

[StormRider]

While i dont agree with the whole..&quot; it's animal instinct&quot; stuff..here's another thought. Is it realistic to think that we can happily spend our entire lives with the same person? When people were living to the age of 50 this was an easier task. With poeple living well into their 80s and 90s now, how many of us will stay with one person for that long?

This thought depresses me. I like the idea of monagamy and &quot;true everlasting love&quot; but from viewing the real world, it seems that not many people can stay with one person for a long period of time.

BTW, I think I can stay with one person till the day I die but it's depressing thinking that the girl wouldn't want to stay with me forever.

From a societal standpoint, monagamy is good. Most children prefer the idea of having only 1 set of parents instead of having multiple step-moms, step-dads, and step-siblings. It usually tears a child up when his natural father seems to lose interest in him because he is too busy with his new family/children.

 

[BlueScreenVW]

As long as you just don't feel bad for imagining yourself with other people, you can always enjoy the best part of seeing new women anyway.

 

[Isla]

The Mister and I have discussed this issue on several occasions... to us, sex without a deep and abiding love is bad for the soul, and we are both aware of how the personality/emotions/life can be affected by engaging in intimacy with another. I think it is harder for men to realize that, but believe me, it is true. Sex has consequences on many levels, once you look a little deeper. Pregnancy and disease are just the tip of the iceberg.

The Mister is a very attractive, successful man and yes, women do send him 'signals' quite regularly. Of course he is attracted to some of them. It's one of the reasons I work to stay in good shape and take care of myself... sex is an important factor in most marriages so I see to it that I am doing my part to the best of my ability. There really isn't anything I can do except be the best I can be, in all aspects of myself. In this way, I honor both myself and the marriage.

I have been attracted to one other person in nine years of marriage, and the Mister has been attracted to several but we both figured one thing out: Those people would not necessarily make better mates, and it was the illusion that we found intriguing more than the reality of the others.


We have worked very hard on our relationship as a whole, and no matter how sorely he was tempted, I don't think he would actually leave me for another woman unless he just totally loses his mind after the kids are grown. That is possible, but if he did, I would have to forgive him because he has been such a good mate that I could never hate him.

We both know that all relationships take work and that someone who seems attractive or inspires romantic feelings still stinks up the bathroom like the rest of us. That's why, even when I wanted to divorce him, I waited to see if things would change. Every relationship has growing pains, and they hurt like hell. Once you get through the fire, your bond can be stronger and your love deeper.

When we are old and gray, we will still have each other... and that will mean more than any other romantic or physical attraction could mean now. True beauty is seen by the heart, and I hope that is what we will still see when we look at each other.

 

[Keribeth]

wow. truely inspiring and insightful Isla.