well this is actually a bunch. i can't recall if i have posted this before, so if i have and someone remembers, tell me and i'll put something new up 
for those of you who missed it, here is yesterday's quote
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY......
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular
it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
===============================
The Top 16 Signs You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert
16> Business card reads, "Sponsored by St. Luke's Burn Unit."
15> His degree, from the Wyle E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an
*honorary* degree.
14> Teaches the kids to free up their hands by lighting fireworks
in their mouth.
13> His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.
12> Can't launch the ol' rocket in front of an audience, if you
know what I mean.
11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy
Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise."
10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose
ring.
9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when
the 1812 Overture begins.
8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message:
"Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb."
7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.
6> Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer
Swilling Pigs Begins"
5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from
NASA!"
4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.
3> He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.
2> Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time
he lights a fuse.
and the Number 1 Sign You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert...
1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases
kids around.
for those of you who missed it, here is yesterday's quote
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY......
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say
will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular
it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
===============================
The Top 16 Signs You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert
16> Business card reads, "Sponsored by St. Luke's Burn Unit."
15> His degree, from the Wyle E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an
*honorary* degree.
14> Teaches the kids to free up their hands by lighting fireworks
in their mouth.
13> His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.
12> Can't launch the ol' rocket in front of an audience, if you
know what I mean.
11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy
Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise."
10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose
ring.
9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when
the 1812 Overture begins.
8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message:
"Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb."
7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.
6> Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer
Swilling Pigs Begins"
5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from
NASA!"
4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.
3> He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.
2> Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time
he lights a fuse.
and the Number 1 Sign You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert...
1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases
kids around.
Facebook
Twitter