There are none. You're going to have a hell of a time finding a fan that makes all your requirements, as it simply doesn't exist - the closest would be the Noctua NF-S12-1200, which has 63 CFM @ 24 dBA but extremely low pressure, and no bling. It also costs $20...
Their new NF-P12 would be a better bet... 1300 RPM, 1.68mm H2O, but too noisy without the included LNA. It would probably even go under 25dBA with 50+ CFM with the LNA, but it, again, doesn't come with LEDs or any of that stuff.
The way I see it, there's well performing fans and good-looking fans - the ones with good noise and airflow and the ones that are UV reactive and have a million LEDs and CCFLs, but don't give half a damn about noise.