quick, tell me a joke

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Billb2

Billb2

Diamond Member
Mar 25, 2005
3,035
70
86
Life...is nature's way of keeping meat fresh.
DEEEEELICIOUS GELATO!! who ever knew that "pencil" could be a flavor.
I discoverd the 'enhancer pump' fits perfectly over my bijon's head.
I think the sanitary rating goes like this:
bidet > power washer > TP > fire extinguisher > bare hands
...a little place just outside Brighton, near the village of Fulking (which is pretty good name in itself), but not as good as "Fulking Hill". As in "Fulking Hill, that's an odd place name"
 
Atomic Playboy

Atomic Playboy

Lifer
Feb 6, 2007
16,432
1
81
Originally posted by: sirjonk
A family goes to see a talent agent...
Click to expand...

This is exactly what I was thinking when I saw the thread title. But it really does need to be acted out for the full effect. I did this at my uncle's wedding last weekend, drew a huge laugh. Well, I guess laugh isn't the right word. Shocked silence would be more accurate. One woman vomited. I killed.

I don't generally do jokes. I'm much more a fan of amusing anecdotes, stories and observations. The link in my sig is chock full of extremely offensive material that I find funny (primarily because I wrote it). You should check it out. All of you. Now.

OK, I'll do one joke. This is my favorite joke I've ever seen on a Laffy Taffy wrapper:

Q: What do you call a man in the lion cage at the zoo?
A: A mortician.

Isn't that a great joke for kids?
 
T

thecrecarc

Diamond Member
Aug 17, 2004
3,364
3
0
/looks at OP's username


A woman walks into her doctor?s office and says ?Doctor, I have this terrible rash.? She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ?M? shaped rash. The doctor replies, ?Now that is the strangest rash I?ve ever seen.? The woman explains, ?Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.? The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way.

The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash. ?How did you get that?? the doctor asks. ?My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,? she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way.

The third day another young woman comes into the doctor?s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ?M? on her chest. ?Let me guess,? the doctor says. ?Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?? ?No,? the patient replies, ?My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.?
 
Hyperlite

Hyperlite

Diamond Member
May 25, 2004
5,664
2
76
Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy
Originally posted by: sirjonk
A family goes to see a talent agent...
Click to expand...

This is exactly what I was thinking when I saw the thread title. But it really does need to be acted out for the full effect. I did this at my uncle's wedding last weekend, drew a huge laugh. Well, I guess laugh isn't the right word. Shocked silence would be more accurate. One woman vomited. I killed.

I don't generally do jokes. I'm much more a fan of amusing anecdotes, stories and observations. The link in my sig is chock full of extremely offensive material that I find funny (primarily because I wrote it). You should check it out. All of you. Now.

OK, I'll do one joke. This is my favorite joke I've ever seen on a Laffy Taffy wrapper:

Q: What do you call a man in the lion cage at the zoo?
A: A mortician.

Isn't that a great joke for kids?
Click to expand...

so i just read most of your blog...i laughed my ass off, but now i can't see a damn thing.
 
SViper

SViper

Senior member
Feb 17, 2005
828
0
76
A male termite walks into a bar.

He sees a female termite at the end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, "Is the bartender here?"
 
her209

her209

No Lifer
Oct 11, 2000
56,336
11
0
Originally posted by: SViper
A male termite walks into a bar.

He sees a female termite at the end of the bar. He walks up to her and says, "Is the bartender here?"
Click to expand...
*GROAN*
 
J

jagec

Lifer
Apr 30, 2004
24,442
6
81
A botfly maggot walks into a bar and sees a trichinosis larva sitting in the corner. So he crawls over and says "So buddy, I hear you really like pork."

The trichinosis larva looks him right in the spiracles and says "Indeed, I encyst upon it."
 
HannibalX

HannibalX

Diamond Member
May 12, 2000
9,359
2
0
Originally posted by: jagec
A botfly maggot walks into a bar and sees a trichinosis larva sitting in the corner. So he crawls over and says "So buddy, I hear you really like pork."

The trichinosis larva looks him right in the spiracles and says "Indeed, I encyst upon it."
Click to expand...

HAHA!
 
R

Rowboat

Senior member
May 25, 2007
200
0
0
A farmer has a brown cow and a brown chicken. One morning he wakes up and they are both standing in hi room,what does he say?


Brown chicken brown cow
(say it out loud)

 
Sentrosi2121

Sentrosi2121

Platinum Member
Aug 8, 2004
2,567
2
81
From my 3 year old daughter;

How do you know when a train is drinking and eating?

When it Chug-Chug Chugs and Chew-Chew Chews!
 
mrSHEiK124

mrSHEiK124

Lifer
Mar 6, 2004
11,488
2
0
Originally posted by: Rowboat
A farmer has a brown cow and a brown chicken. One morning he wakes up and they are both standing in hi room,what does he say?


Brown chicken brown cow
(say it out loud)
Click to expand...

wtf, am I supposed to say bow chicka wow wow? Or is it supposed to be obscene and I may just not picking up on it?
 
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