question to those divorced or seperated

[bmacd]

In spite of this thread, how didn't you see through her? Did she change or was it you? How long did you date before you got married?

-=bmacd=-

 

[SagaLore]

I don't think people change. I think they get tired of pretending to be someone who they never were.

 

[ndee]

Originally posted by: SagaLore
I don't think people change. I think they get tired of pretending to be someone who they never were.

Exactly.

 

[cronos]

Originally posted by: bmacd
In spite of this thread, how didn't you see through her? Did she change or was it you? How long did you date before you got married?

-=bmacd=-

first of all, people change, all of us change, that's just the way life is. it is ignorant to think that if you know someone, then he or she will be exactly like that several years from now.

i believe that the trick to have a relationship works is how much each of you would be willing to sacrifice, so that both of you 'change' together, and in the same direction.

 

[dirtboy]

She changed. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it.

 

[Kadarin]

You always see the situation better from the perspective of distance.

 

[Armitage]

She changed like night and day. She truly isn't the person I married, to the point that she herself disavows her former self, and what she said/did/believed. I don't know how it happens, but it did. I'm sure I changed as well ... everybody does, constantly. But the changes aren't as big, and I believe the person I am now is still consistent with the person I was then.

 

[Turkey22]

She changed, became interested in different things (things I strongly opposed). I tried to make it work as long as I could, but in the end we both realized what had happened. We got together right after she graduated HS and then were married about a year and a half later, so things did move kinda quickly. She hadnt lived on her own for very long before I moved in. I just kinda refused to let the changes bother me, because when I tried to help her with her problems it just drove us further apart. In the end I just had to realize that I would be better off without her. Hey July 1st is comin up, then I will be truly free again.

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: dirtboy
She changed. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it.

Same thing happened to me...When I found out she was sleeping with another man.



Sysadmin

 

[SaigonK]

I don thtink i changed so much as she did...she finished her degree, got a new job and a couple new girlfriends..next thing you know she isnt happy anymore...
such is life!

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Is this the official bump of a dead thread thread for the day?

 

[Doggiedog]

Originally posted by: SaigonK
I don thtink i changed so much as she did...she finished her degree, got a new job and a couple new girlfriends..next thing you know she isnt happy anymore...
such is life!

No offense but in your case SaigonK, it sounds like she turned into a total beehatch. Good luck with the divorce and the kids.

 

[Pacfanweb]

She changed, I knew it, but wanted to believe we could work it out. Got screwed while trying to be reasonable.
I told my current wife that if she ever told me she wanted a divorce (very unlikely, BTW, we're very happy) that I'd go for the throat and she'd be lucky to leave with her own clothes, much less 1/2 of what we have.
Unfortunately, that's the way you have to be during a breakup. Brutal.

Try coming home one night to a house that's been cleaned out and you'll understand.

 

[Vette73]

Sorry but for a guy Marriage is a joke.

With divorce rates in the 60% range, the chances of YOUR marriage lasting are less then half. Would you put your car, house, kids, etc? up for wager at Atlantic City or las vegas? Well when ya get married that is what you are doing.
Why even get married? Do you really need a piece of paper that says you love someone to prove it? You can change last names without marriage, you can live together without marriage, you can have kids without marriage, etc? So answer me this, why do you need a piece of paper to prove your love, while at the same time pretty much screwing yourself if/when it breaks up?
Maybe someone married can answer that, or someone that is now divorced or seperated?

 

[badmouse]

Don't know about you guys, but for us - after 24 years, kids, moving, job changes, cancer, sick kids & dying parents, and all the other assorted things that normal life throws at you, HEAVENS YES! We both changed.

He decided he wanted to sleep with cute young things - come to think of it, that part of him didn't change from when I was still a cute young thing when we got married.

 

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: SagaLore
I don't think people change. I think they get tired of pretending to be someone who they never were.

That's it. As soon as our wedding day arrived, she started acting like herself. Still took me another year to put all the pieces together and it wasn't until the days proceeding me leaving that I learned about the real "her." There's no wonder she had to pretend, she was total crap and had pretty high expectations.