Question for the parents here

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: OrByte

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: gigapet
were you really expecting an answer other than yes

I think she really was expecting a few people to agree with her.

The Dear Abby poll asking this very same question resulted in a resounding 70% of parents answering "no"

I was curious to see if the relative annoynimity of the web would produce similar results.
or at least a few "yes but" style answers.

Parenting is demanding, hard work with uncertain outcome and that tends to be glossed over and seldom discussed.

does that say something about Dear Abby readers?

or ATOT members?

or both?

man thats a tough statistic.

I think it says a lot about the realities of rearing kids and the massive social pressure and stigma put on people who don't buy into the parenthood trap.

We tend to glamourize/mimize the very real stressors that are put upon a couple just in terms of carrying a pregnancy to term and we cast negative feedback onto those with enough courage to talk about it.

 

[Bryophyte]

I think it says a lot more about who feels compelled to answer polls like that one than it does about the real statistics of how americans view parenthood. Is parenthood stressful? Absolutely. Add to that an unhealthy marriage and you can go completely over the edge. Replace that with a good marriage with a supportive spouse and the stresses of parenthood are bearable. It's all about what kind of foundation you have to work with.

 

[Cat13]

I couldn't imagine going home after work and not seeing my kids. The decision my wife and I made to have children was tuff. We were young, just starting out and far away from both of our families. We could have gone the route of the young married couple and lived the "party" life like many of the couples we met. I am glad we didn't because I don't think we would have stayed together.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
I think it says a lot more about who feels compelled to answer polls like that one than it does about the real statistics of how americans view parenthood. Is parenthood stressful? Absolutely. Add to that an unhealthy marriage and you can go completely over the edge. Replace that with a good marriage with a supportive spouse and the stresses of parenthood are bearable. It's all about what kind of foundation you have to work with.

I'd suspect there are a lot of good people who if given the chance to do it over again might chose to not have children.Part of the problem is that parenthood is glamourized
people who try to speak honestly and realistically about the stressors involved are treated like some sort of monster.

From the surveys I've read marital happiness and satisfaction goes way down once babies enter the picture,particularly for men.

With the right supports prison is bearable too, at least there you get time off for good behavior

 

[coolred]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If you could go back in time would you still decide to have kids ?

That depends, I am gonna get the same ones back again? LOL.

Seriously I would still have kids, but just not as soon as I did, 18

 

[TheLonelyPhoenix]

My father has told me many times that'd he never trade his kids in for anything. I suppose a father shouldn't be saying anything else to his child, but I do believe he means it from his heart. Which surprises me, as he'd be half as stressed and have more than twice as much money for himself if me or my little bros weren't in the picture.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Yes, and I've spent weeks court and 10's of thousands of $ to acquire custody of my daughter, it's been worth every penny, every moment in court and every job that's passed me by because I wanted to spend quantity time, not quality time with my child.

Although watching Charmed with her is pushing the limits, thank god the actresses in it are hot.

 

[jjones]

No, and I spend my days now trying to plan convenient accidents for my daughter.

Just kidding, of course. My wife and I wanted kids (we have one now and are working on another) and I definately would make the same decision could I go back in time.

 

[eakers]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: OrByte

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Bryophyte

Originally posted by: gigapet
were you really expecting an answer other than yes

I think she really was expecting a few people to agree with her.

The Dear Abby poll asking this very same question resulted in a resounding 70% of parents answering "no"

I was curious to see if the relative annoynimity of the web would produce similar results.
or at least a few "yes but" style answers.

Parenting is demanding, hard work with uncertain outcome and that tends to be glossed over and seldom discussed.

does that say something about Dear Abby readers?

or ATOT members?

or both?

man thats a tough statistic.

I think it says a lot about the realities of rearing kids and the massive social pressure and stigma put on people who don't buy into the parenthood trap.

We tend to glamourize/mimize the very real stressors that are put upon a couple just in terms of carrying a pregnancy to term and we cast negative feedback onto those with enough courage to talk about it.

I watched an interesting show a while ago about couples who choose not to have children and how they are discriminated against. Like if they have a sick sister/brother they need to take care of and they can't get off work but people with kids can or about the tax breaks that people with children recieve, not to mention how there "must be something wrong with you" if you don't want kids. There were a lot of good arguments about how people who look after elderly parents or handicapped family members should get the same benefits people with kids do.

That said, I used to think I didn't want kids but now my biological clock is ticking like crazy. I KNOW i can't have a baby but i want one so badly. I have no idea how women who say they don't want kids ignore it.

 

[shilala]

Originally posted by: Pliablemoose
Yes, and I've spent weeks court and 10's of thousands of $ to acquire custody of my daughter, it's been worth every penny, every moment in court and every job that's passed me by because I wanted to spend quantity time, not quality time with my child.

Although watching Charmed with her is pushing the limits, thank god the actresses in it are hot.

Thanks for that PliableMoose. Nice story. It's good to hear from a good Dad.

 

[anno]

I'd suspect there are a lot of good people who if given the chance to do it over again might chose to not have children.

I'm sure there are. I expect that a lot of them didn't choose to have children.. or at least their first child, in the first place.. children happen a lot of times without being intended.. and I expect there are more regrets, more people who would choose differently given a do over, among those who found themselves parents without setting out to become such, on purpose.

 

[shilala]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
I think it says a lot more about who feels compelled to answer polls like that one than it does about the real statistics of how americans view parenthood. Is parenthood stressful? Absolutely. Add to that an unhealthy marriage and you can go completely over the edge. Replace that with a good marriage with a supportive spouse and the stresses of parenthood are bearable. It's all about what kind of foundation you have to work with.

I'd suspect there are a lot of good people who if given the chance to do it over again might chose to not have children.Part of the problem is that parenthood is glamourized
people who try to speak honestly and realistically about the stressors involved are treated like some sort of monster.

From the surveys I've read marital happiness and satisfaction goes way down once babies enter the picture,particularly for men.

With the right supports prison is bearable too, at least there you get time off for good behavior

It's tough to put ourselves aside for kids. Kids certainly don't make a marriage less stressful. Quite frankly, I have a much greater bond with my children than I do my wife. Well, maybe not greater, but completely different. The kids will be part of my life until the day I die, that'll never change. If the woman were gone tomorrow my heart would break, but she'd just be gone.
It all boils down to selflessness. It's tough to continually set my own needs and desires aside. When I can, the rewards are huge. Seeing my daughters happy and strong and free is far greater reward than material or career success. They've taught me more about being a man than I learned in all my life.
Some things cost and some things pay. My kids have given me back more than I could ever give to them.

"From the surveys I've read marital happiness and satisfaction goes way down once babies enter the picture,particularly for men. "

That has been true for me. It turns out that it all went downhill because of me. I didn't get enough attention and I certainly didn't get enough lovin once the kids arrived. I "Poor me'd" it for a lot of years until I just quit fighting it. Things are ironing out now, and I'm much happier that I'm still married and finding myself in a much more "mature" relationship. Infatuation and hate is now turning into love, caring and hate
I guess it's all part of the trip.
It's a tough question you posed, Geekbabe. I can see how the results could go a long way one way or the other just by the way the question is worded or by the crowd to which you hand the question.

 

[djheater]

Accidentally getting my girlfriend pregnant was incredibly fvcking stressful actually. My daughter(s) and wife are the best thing that ever happened to me though, so I wouldn't change that.

The worst mistake I ever made was dropping out of school. That's what I'd change.

 

[lavagirl669]

I don't regret having my Son, so I would say if it wasn't for the problems with my
Ex...I would have kids again.

 

[Geekbabe]

If I had know what is known now about genetics/autism/ learning disorders I would have not had children,knowing the suffering he'd be destined for.

The sad part is that I'd sell my soul to make him normal and whole and there's nothing I can do to make him better and that reality is the most maddening thing I've ever dealt with.

 

[Philippine Mango]

Originally posted by: BatmanNate
If I could go back in time, I would not have clicked on this thread.

Funniest quote of the day....

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Philippine Mango

Originally posted by: BatmanNate
If I could go back in time, I would not have clicked on this thread.

Funniest quote of the day....

People like you are the biggest argument in favor of remaining childless that I've ever seen.

 

[SpunkyJones]

Yes, my little one is the most important thing in my life.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If I had know what is known now about genetics/autism/ learning disorders I would have not had children,knowing the suffering he'd be destined for.

The sad part is that I'd sell my soul to make him normal and whole and there's nothing I can do to make him better and that reality is the most maddening thing I've ever dealt with.

I have a brother that has never spoken a word. Severely mentally retarded. I know what my parents went through, and frankly it was no picnic for me or my other brothers. What I did get to see was how my parents did their best to love him and us. That made a big impact on me and affects how I raise my kids and how I show them affection.

You don't have it easy. I know. But you are responsible for your son, and you do your best. Maybe you have regrets, but you have no shame. Quite the opposite.

 

[anno]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
If I had know what is known now about genetics/autism/ learning disorders I would have not had children,knowing the suffering he'd be destined for.

The sad part is that I'd sell my soul to make him normal and whole and there's nothing I can do to make him better and that reality is the most maddening thing I've ever dealt with.

well.. that's different. I can't say what I'd choose, if I'd been given different chlidren. If I had children that did not seem to enjoy their lives, and it was genetically my fault that this was so rather than just random accident.. then I might make different choices, if I was given a do-over.

 

[badmouse]

If I could do it all over again, I'd make sure to win the lottery before having children.