Question about sex and marriage

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
My wife and I have a pretty active sex life, at least every other day to every 3 days. Many times this isnt enough for me and we argue about it. Its not that I dont love her, its just that I have a very overactive sex drive. My question is how to handle it? I try to deal with it but I get really irratable if i dont get it for a day or so which causes me to snap at her etc.

Instead of arguing about it, how about talk about it and try to come up with potential solutions? Some possibilities:

Find out WHY your wife only wants it every 2-3 days, and if there's any way to increase that.
Get fleshlight or other toys and be creative with them together (or alone with her permission).
Bring another woman into the relationship. Bonus points if your wife is bisexual.

 

[pulsedrive]

Ok, I will say it again. Healthy sex life /= sex 5x a day. It doesn't even have to be 3 times a week. Most married couple have less sex the longer they are together. It just isn't what keeps a marriage together. It is nice, and definately needed, but just not needed as often as it used to be. It also depends on the couple. Some married couples have more sex than others. My wife and I don't have sex very often, usually about once a week, maybe less. But we are perfectly happy with it that way, her moreso than me. But still marriage isn't about sex.

 

[TGS]

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog


<---- This is me pretending I care

Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

Please kindly take your preaching elsewhere. Preaching to me won't do either of us a lick of good. And 2-4 times per week is hardly a sexual drought.

I realise that, but also realise that I like sex a little "too" much. Its an issue that I wish wasnt one, but its just how i am

For women it's more mental than physical. It's not so much getting your game on, it's about getting her to want you. You have to invest more quality romantic time to get her in the mood. If you are giving her more attention, it will greatly increase your odds of getting her in bed. You can't exactly expect to walk up to her and say lets bone. I'm 24, and it's basically the same for me. Take matters into your own hands on the off nights, and butter her up on the days surrounding typical times. That's the best advice I have.

 

[nakedfrog]

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog


<---- This is me pretending I care

Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

Please kindly take your preaching elsewhere. Preaching to me won't do either of us a lick of good. And 2-4 times per week is hardly a sexual drought.

You aren't in a position to tell other people how they feel. Take your moral tirades elsewhere.

To the OP, sex is important to him, that's why the church encourages sex at least once a day. Perhaps attending services more often would help your relationship, at the very least you might find a good christian girl who cares about your needs.

:laugh:
Oh, please do tell me you see the irony in telling me to take my moral tirades elsewhere.

 

[Ricochet]

BOOHOO!! Most men do not even come close to getting that much sex (me included).

BTW, there are plenty of pron on the internet.

 

[6StringSamurai]

Originally posted by: Amplifier
Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

To the OP, sex is important to him, that's why the church encourages sex at least once a day. Perhaps attending services more often would help your relationship, at the very least you might find a good christian girl who cares about your needs.

Just when I think I've read the stupidest post ever, you go and post another. Your post is an orgy of stultifying cacophonous verbal depravity; an exercise in literary impotence, and an offense to all of good taste and decency.

Clearly, you have lost your fingertip grip on reality and have descended into an abyss of irreversible lunacy. Generally, there is nothing wrong with having nothing worthwhile to say - unless you insist on saying it. Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. How true is Stanislaw J. Lec's famous remark: "Every now and then you meet someone whose ignorance is encyclopedic."

 

[altonb1]

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Ok, I will say it again. Healthy sex life /= sex 5x a day. It doesn't even have to be 3 times a week. Most married couple have less sex the longer they are together. It just isn't what keeps a marriage together. It is nice, and definately needed, but just not needed as often as it used to be. It also depends on the couple. Some married couples have more sex than others. My wife and I don't have sex very often, usually about once a week, maybe less. But we are perfectly happy with it that way, her moreso than me. But still marriage isn't about sex.

I expect that would be obvious...

Kids definitely put a damper on the sex life, too.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Have you simply asked your wife what she wants? Is she satisfied? Does she want more? Does she want less? Would she prefer receiving oral sex than intercourse or something else besides intercourse? What is her definition of satisfaction?

 

[harrkev]

I have been married almost nine years at this point. Yours is not a common problem, and I have some observations and a solution that has worked will for me.

First, every 2-3 days is GREAT. Don't complain. That is only slightly better than my average. My wife has talked to a bunch of her friends, and we do the absolute best of every married woman that she knows well enough to talk about this. For some husbands, once a month is a treat. Twice a month is not uncommon. So, for 2 or 3 times a week, you ought to be slapped for complaining. That is like Bill Gates complaining about not having a large enough mansion.

Second, my wife and I have a plan. We take turns. When it is "my turn," I have up to four days to initiate. My wife cannot ask for anything before I say so, and she cannot say "no" when I ask. The timing is completely up to me. Now, after my turn, the next day is the first day of my wife's turn. Then SHE gets 4 days where I can't ask for anything. There is also a punishment for saying "no" or for not initiating after four days. It should be something like doing an extra chore or giving up something nice. Not anything major, but an annoyance. That helps keep everybody honest. You can also adapt this plan to your needs.

The key here is that if your wife feels "pressured" to give you what you want, she can feel resentful after a while. On the other hand, if your needs are not met, you can feel unloved. You have to strike a balance. Taking turns means that you can go on day #1 if you want, but she can have a couple of days off and take hur turn on day #3 or #4.

Finally, a shameless plug. My wife started this business: http://www.covenantspice.com (slightly NSFW). Don't just check out the toys. There is a massage and bath section there as well. Women love that "romance" stuff.

One more tip: My wife thinks that one of the sexiest things on a man is dishpan hands. Wash the dishes, vacuum, etc. They love that stuff.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Originally posted by: Rill22

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
Its not the same, and it wasnt this way before marriage, it was 5 times a day then.

How do you have time for that? Unless it's like 5 minutes long each, and even then it wouldn't be very satisfying for her.

Exactly. If his idea of sexual itimacy is 5 minutes of wham-bham-thank-you-mam, then I bet she is not satisfied. Why not start off with some massage oils and I nice massage? Then how about a good 30-45 minutes of just passionate kissing, nibbling, and teasing? Then how about another 15-30 minutes on her breasts alone? Then consider going down south! That's about my speed at least.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Originally posted by: harrkev
Finally, a shameless plug. My wife started this business: http://www.covenantspice.com (slightly NSFW). Don't just check out the toys. There is a massage and bath section there as well. Women love that "romance" stuff.

One more tip: My wife thinks that one of the sexiest things on a man is dishpan hands. Wash the dishes, vacuum, etc. They love that stuff.

DUDE! Major props for having a wife who starts her own online adult store! That is awesome! :thumbsup:

 

[Nebor]

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog


<---- This is me pretending I care

Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

Please kindly take your preaching elsewhere. Preaching to me won't do either of us a lick of good. And 2-4 times per week is hardly a sexual drought.

You aren't in a position to tell other people how they feel. Take your moral tirades elsewhere.

To the OP, sex is important to him, that's why the church encourages sex at least once a day. Perhaps attending services more often would help your relationship, at the very least you might find a good christian girl who cares about your needs.

I just LOLerbated all over my monitor reading that.

 

[pclstyle]

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
My wife and I have a pretty active sex life, at least every other day to every 3 days. Many times this isnt enough for me and we argue about it. Its not that I dont love her, its just that I have a very overactive sex drive. My question is how to handle it? I try to deal with it but I get really irratable if i dont get it for a day or so which causes me to snap at her etc.

Snap at her more, that will teach her :disgust:

Seriously though, you must realize that it all goes downhill from here, and if anyone is going to change, it'll be you. She's not going to start having sex with you more, you're just going to have to start dealing with less. And less. And less.


This sounds like the start of a divorce story. You know, one of those where at the trial, the man gets extremely embarassed when the entire audience becomes privy to secrets he'd rather have kept between himself and his (now ex-) wife.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Originally posted by: Nebor

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog


<---- This is me pretending I care

Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

Please kindly take your preaching elsewhere. Preaching to me won't do either of us a lick of good. And 2-4 times per week is hardly a sexual drought.

You aren't in a position to tell other people how they feel. Take your moral tirades elsewhere.

To the OP, sex is important to him, that's why the church encourages sex at least once a day. Perhaps attending services more often would help your relationship, at the very least you might find a good christian girl who cares about your needs.

I just LOLerbated all over my monitor reading that.

ROFL! I love that!

 

[Rill22]

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
Have you simply asked your wife what she wants? Is she satisfied? Does she want more? Does she want less? Would she prefer receiving oral sex than intercourse or something else besides intercourse? What is her definition of satisfaction?

This is my question as well. You have to stand back and look at things from all perspectives. Is this something you are trying to "fix" about her? Are you trying to make her want to have sex more than every 2-3 days? Maybe the solution isn't to change her, but dealing with your own sex drive.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Oh, may I also remind the OP that women do not typically reach their sexual peak until around 30! Whereas he did around 18!

Think about that. Good things cum to those who wait

 

[DannyLove]

tell her, if you don't put out every day (or whatever you think is suitable for your NEEDS) then get a divorse. SEX is extremely important in marriage. Ever wonder why there is so much divorse now-a-days, probably because women think they don't need to put out anymore after marriage.
1 and 1 makes 2.

 

[NanoStuff]

In marriage she has no god given right to deny you sex. Dump her ass.

 

[harrkev]

To all of the "little children" out there: give it a rest and let the adults talk here...

To Amplifier: Chill dude. Trust me - you ain't helping. The bible is the greatest book ever written, but it does NOT help to take verses out of context and beat people over the head with it. Check out 1 Peter 3:7. Begin considerate means taking THEIR needs and feelings into account.

To RadiclDreamer: Don't let people discourage you. The "new love" excitement fades. What SHOULD replace it is a lot better: true love, caring, concern, and commitment. Marriage is a LOT more than sex. I got news for ya buddy - in thirty years, she will be ugly. But that's OK, because you will be too. Hey, it's the way things are meant to be. But if she is your best friend, you won't care. BTW: yes. I said "commitment" above. That means sticking it out when things get rough. Things WILL get rough, and you can choose to give up or you can choose to work it out. Guess which one I recommend

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
DUDE! Major props for having a wife who starts her own online adult store! That is awesome! :thumbsup:

The product testing is kinda fun But seriously, it is a LOT of work. I wrote the web site from scratch using a text editor and PERL. I also had to learn to be an accountant. No fun. But my wife wants to do it as a ministry to other married couples. No nudity or porn. Just stuf to help make marriages better. I am sure that there are a LOT of things that I could be doing better. I am sure that somebody has writte a much better and more polished version of my PERL script, if I could just find it. Also, I really need to learn CSS so that I can dump those tables. But what I have works -- although I wish that I could find a way to streamline the orders from 2checkout.com into my Peachtree accounting software. I guess I will have to write more PERL to massage .csv file. More work. BUt I am glad that my wife is doing this.

 

[RadiclDreamer]

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile

Originally posted by: Rill22

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
Its not the same, and it wasnt this way before marriage, it was 5 times a day then.

How do you have time for that? Unless it's like 5 minutes long each, and even then it wouldn't be very satisfying for her.

Exactly. If his idea of sexual itimacy is 5 minutes of wham-bham-thank-you-mam, then I bet she is not satisfied. Why not start off with some massage oils and I nice massage? Then how about a good 30-45 minutes of just passionate kissing, nibbling, and teasing? Then how about another 15-30 minutes on her breasts alone? Then consider going down south! That's about my speed at least.

Not it either, I ALWAYS go down on her until he hits the O every time we have sex. She said she just doesnt get in the mood as much.

 

[mrrman]

Originally posted by: AMDZen
When she won't give it up, just masterbate furiously in the bed next to her - and then continue this throughout the night and in the morning.

LMAO Can you say fleshlight

 

[miniMUNCH]

Man...I've been married for 7 years (have 1 year old boy) and my wife can't keep her hands off me.

 

[loic2003]

Originally posted by: miniMUNCH
Man...I've been married for 7 years (have 1 year old boy) and my wife can't keep her hands off me.

Siamese twin?

 

[EatSpam]

Originally posted by: Amplifier

Originally posted by: nakedfrog


<---- This is me pretending I care

Most men don't, that is why marriages become lifeless and void of sex. God wants you to be happy and sex is the path to a healthy marriage.

Not according to the Fundies!

 

[RMSistight]

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile

Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
Its not the same, and it wasnt this way before marriage, it was 5 times a day then.

Damn. That would be exhausting.

I remember one time with my gf at the time, we did it 7 times overnight until the morning. I love having sex.