Setup - 3 people live together. For simplicity we'll call them Andy, Bonnie, and Carl.
Important...then all have equal say more or less....personally I'd never room with a couple unless they had only one vote. Too much chance for collusion.
-Everyone is about the same age ~30.
Not important
-Andy and Bonnie are dating.
IMHO then what they decide should count as a single vote.
important...Carl has a right to have whomever he is dating over and to have whatever kind of sex and hanging out they do.
Dave is in his early 20's and is home from college for the holidays. Dave's parent's house is about 15/20 mins away.
unimportant.
[/quote]
Situation 1 - Andy, Bonnie, and Carl are out of town. Using a key Carl gave him, Dave comes over after Christmas to hang out and watch TV / play video games / do his laundry.
Personally a significant other should be trusted to have access to a place...
In your opinion, is it normal / OK for Dave come over when the roommates are gone for recreational purposes?
There is no normal/abnormal in this. If it's a lover of one of the roommates then it's not out of the ordinary for them to use a place especially if the other's are away.
In case it matters to you, the couch and TV belong to Andy / Bonnie, but the video game console belongs to Carl. The washing machine and dryer are owned by Andy and Bonnie.
Things like couchs and tv's in a public area are public. You can't have every roommate wanting their couch/their tv out in a family room. Same with appliances. If the game console is hooked up to that main TV then it's also shared.
Situation 2 - Andy and Bonnie come home earlier than Dave was expecting. Dave got permission from Carl (as he is still out of town) to come over the following day to hang out / watch movies / play video games with some friends. Dave now asks Andy and Bonnie if he can still have his get-together.
Seems fair, Dave is doing the right thing...although it's sounding like they came home early purposely now.
Is this asking too much from Andy and Bonnie?
For what? If they have an issue then they should address it. Dave was asking for that reason.
Side note - Dave and his friends smoke. Even when smoking outside the smell comes inside and is quite noticeable. Bonnie has asthma that is triggered by smoke, which makes the situation a little hairier.
What happens outside you can't complain about. As a matter of fact if smoking is allowed per the lease and your roommate smokes it's not their fault someone else has some defect. That should have been hashed out prior to agreeing to become roommates by the person with the defect.
Double side note - Dave is a bit flamboyant which tends to make his laugh a bit louder than average. Watching the TV with friends is a loud experience - both with the sound of the TV and the noise of the watchers.
totally irrelevant.
Obviously I'm a bit perturbed by the situations above, but I want to know if I'm being lame or if Carl / Dave are pushing the roommate code a bit too far.
Well if you aren't Dave, Carl, Bonnie or Andy then you really shouldn't have anything to do with this situation.
What Carl / Dave have done seems typical with anyone that lives in a place of their own/shared.