psychotic disorder not otherwise specified?

[Anarchist420]

That's what some are saying that I have now (i think it's too much of a generalization).

I am worried that it all started with the vaccines. The meds I've taken since right near the 4th anniversary of my birth along with the neurofeedback damaged my brain, so I am worried. I am totally unaware these days and have been ever since I jacked up the luvox (to see what would happen and to make the doctor I used to see happy which he was) and I started getting neurofeedback in 2012, I have felt terrible. I can't focus and my vocabulary, calculation speed, visual processing, and reading fluency are not what they once were. at age 4 and then again a month before the 9th anniversary of my birth I scored in the 96th percentile on vocabulary subtests.

A Reynolds Intellectual Assessment Scale Composite Index Score of 77 (and the scathing report) destroyed me (i don't really believe in IQ tests anymore but like I said, I still know i am not what I used to be).

Not that I believe in IQ tests anymore, but I fear I could be reformed into a ruler somewhere.

I am getting off the abilify (the meds are too harmful as i discovered with the Vyvanse), but my parents are irritating the hell out of me and I am irritating them; they won't get out of debt and they won't put 1/2 down on a Sun Realty home currently appraised at $950k. I wish an editor and I could pay cash for my thoughts.

Further, I need help, but the psychiatrists can't do it and I hate how my oldest brother believes that I should do whatever the psychiatrist advises.

And I want to be a biological father of a daughter with mtDNA haplogroup U5/U8b'K and O blood type (i might be O, but i am not sure because my mom is O+ and she bled while pregnant with me and my dad is AB-). I want the birth mother to be an SFP but I alienate everyone and I can't stand myself for it. The women I find attractive don't like me and they have a tendency to run away from me. My brothers married control freaks like themselves and their kids are totally unhappy so me impregnating (sorry for not using a better word) a TJ, FJ, NFP woman is out of the question. I want to die with all my remains reduced to nothing but ashes because no Artisan woman with mtDNA superhaplogroup UK loves me enough to give me what I desire most.

I hope it was okay to post this thread. I don't want to be rude or even violently when replying to any replies I might not like; so mods please keep a tab on the provoking. I really wasn't born disabled; but circumstances have really made me unstable and it makes me so unhappy.

I don't want my knowledge replaced or removed and I am running scared of myself and of the universe.

I want to know what others think; honestly I need to die with 100% of my remains reduced to nothing but ashes. I don't want to try to control, but I was born to 2 controlling authoritarian parents and for that I just don't want to live anymore ever again.

I am sorry for flight of ideas.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

It's hard to read your posts. They make me want to do something to help but, I know that's not possible. I do think writing your thoughts down is helpful but, I'm not sure the internet is the best place for them. In any case, don't stop writing.

 

[brianmanahan]

I can't focus and my vocabulary, calculation speed, visual processing, and reading fluency are not what they once were

your vocabulary seems to be more extensive than most people who post here

I don't want my knowledge replaced or removed

same thing here - had piece of my brain removed, and losing knowledge and memory is scary

 

[Mixolydian]

(the meds are too harmful as i discovered with the Vyvanse)

I love vyvanse

 

[IronWing]

And I want to be a biological father of a daughter with mtDNA haplogroup U5/U8b'K and O blood type (i might be O, but i am not sure because my mom is O+ and she bled while pregnant with me and my dad is AB-). I want the birth mother to be an SFP but I alienate everyone and I can't stand myself for it. The women I find attractive don't like me and they have a tendency to run away from me. My brothers married control freaks like themselves and their kids are totally unhappy so me impregnating (sorry for not using a better word) a TJ, FJ, NFP woman is out of the question. I want to die with all my remains reduced to nothing but ashes because no Artisan woman with mtDNA superhaplogroup UK loves me enough to give me what I desire most.

^^ Copy this paragraph into a craigslist personal and you should be good to go.

 

[Matthiasa]

Well looking at what Reynolds covers its little to do about actual intelligence... not that actual intelligence really matters much either if it isn't applied or the memory isn't there to back it up but still.

No actual need to be worried about vaccines as that stuff debunked a long time ago.

That said the meds that you have mentioned in the past will definitely affect cognitive ability. The effects or triggers that cause for the need of those aren't typically apparent until after certian age as well.

The middle paragraph is probably more suitable for L&R but just try some dating site such as Match.

Nothing odd about being cremated either.

As for the part dealing with money. Debt when managed properly isn't a bad thing. If you can get money for say 4-5% but can make 7-10% off of it then debt can be beneficial. Additionally putting 50% down on a house is almost unheard of due to simple monetary fluidity, what if something bad happens, as well as money currently being "cheap" to get per the prior sentence.

And maybe a little snarky but what did you expect your focus and the others to be after going off ADHD meds? There is a reason why students abuse those so much.

 

[manimal]

Read siddhartha and spend some time outdoors reconnecting with your inner self. Take a tai chi class and spend as much time outside as possible. I do Tai Chi under a tree every day. You need to troll less and stop spending time online if you are a serious person.


Stop posting in P&N and worry less about politics and more about your dog or cat.

 

[Markbnj]

 

[manimal]

I just cant tell if hes a real person. I dont think he can either anymore.

 

[chimaxi83]

And I want to be a biological father of a daughter with mtDNA haplogroup U5/U8b'K and O blood type (i might be O, but i am not sure because my mom is O+ and she bled while pregnant with me and my dad is AB-). I want the birth mother to be an SFP but I alienate everyone and I can't stand myself for it. The women I find attractive don't like me and they have a tendency to run away from me. My brothers married control freaks like themselves and their kids are totally unhappy so me impregnating (sorry for not using a better word) a TJ, FJ, NFP woman is out of the question. I want to die with all my remains reduced to nothing but ashes because no Artisan woman with mtDNA superhaplogroup UK loves me enough to give me what I desire most.

^^ Copy this paragraph into a craigslist personal and you should be good to go.

What the absolute fuck is this tomfoolery?

 

[pete6032]

1. How old are you? Just curious.

2. What do you mean when you say the medicine is harmful? How is it harmful?

3. Why are you so obsessed with the mbti and classifying everything? Not everything fits into neat categories, certainly not personality.

 

[mmntech]

your vocabulary seems to be more extensive than most people who post here

Having an extensive vocabulary is one thing. Stringing them together into something that makes sense is a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[brianmanahan]

Having an extensive vocabulary is one thing. Stringing them together into something that makes sense is a whole different kettle of fish.

well yeah, i never make it more than halfway through an a420 massive wall of text

 

[destrekor]

You should find a good psychiatrist, and find a good GP who can help you also track this and perhaps serve as a second opinion on prescriptions or progress.

Luvox doesn't seem appropriate based on your posting history, but I'm no expert.

You might not need the SSRI/anti-depressant route for OCD/OCPD, or you might need more.

I wouldn't doubt if you actually need an antipsychotic med in your regimen.

I think you don't trust doctors and meds, but that's because your state of mind is pushing you to distrust them. You acknowledge that you are broken, but you seem to not want to follow the orders of your doctors. You should shop around for second and third opinions if you have that option, and by all means, please do.

Also, this should only need to be said once: the vaccines are not at fault. Period. Full stop. End of statement.
Most behavioral and many personality disorders show up pretty early in life. If there's anything of the autism spectrum involved, that especially shows up early, earlier than most if trained eyes are observing.

 

[Soundmanred]

^^ Copy this paragraph into a craigslist personal and you should be good to go.

I laughed way too fucking hard at this.

 

[Anarchist420]

As for the part dealing with money. Debt when managed properly isn't a bad thing. If you can get money for say 4-5% but can make 7-10% off of it then debt can be beneficial. Additionally putting 50% down on a house is almost unheard of due to simple monetary fluidity, what if something bad happens, as well as money currently being "cheap" to get per the prior sentence.

It's just govt created paper and credit that few are successful with; real property is stuff that everyone wants especially given that my parents can afford a lot. constantly refinancing like my parents do is stupid and all i will inherit is paper that I won't be able to use. my parents fall for the mortgage interest deduction.

we have legal tender to satisfy the dominance that some people like I have.

And maybe a little snarky but what did you expect your focus and the others to be after going off ADHD meds? There is a reason why students abuse those so much.

To not feel worse. and I don't feel worse off the vyvanse. The adderall sucked when i took that.

1. How old are you? Just curious.

27 years old.

2. What do you mean when you say the medicine is harmful? How is it harmful?

It makes me tired or is unstable. It doesn't make my exhalations sexually attractive

3. Why are you so obsessed with the mbti and classifying everything?

It's fun; but then it gets old. It's like studying the Constitution (Hamilton was likely an ENFP and Isabel Myers self-identified as INFP)

Not everything fits into neat categories, certainly not personality.

Agreed mostly. There is a lot of environmental correlation.

You should find a good psychiatrist, and find a good GP who can help you also track this and perhaps serve as a second opinion on prescriptions or progress.

Can't do it. I won't do it. It hasn't worked and the side effects have been terrible. I need to self-manage (i am not going to let psychiatrists and pharma continue to use me as a cash cow like they have done for most of my life), maybe have a lot of natural lemonade (to raise blood ph), and I will get better as I age and as long as I don't drink or use any drugs.

You might not need the SSRI/anti-depressant route for OCD/OCPD, or you might need more.

I've already tried several of them with disastrous results.

Also, this should only need to be said once: the vaccines are not at fault. Period. Full stop. End of statement.

They were a gateway to the prescribed drugs. And they likely did no good for me given that there were no epidemics anywhere near me when i was growing up.

Most behavioral and many personality disorders show up pretty early in life. If there's anything of the autism spectrum involved, that especially shows up early, earlier than most if trained eyes are observing.

They change and the fact that i changed meds so much could be a large part of why i changed so much. A huge part of my problems is all the prenatal Testosterone i had and what that means for me.

I want a job, but I have terrible working memory problems and those who work for the bureaucracy are too often the ones with the most unstable intelligence. I wasted a lot of time in school and on too many drugs so I am behind on getting a job and investing in real property. My parents as well as my brothers are terribly bureaucratic and I hate myself because they're structured around me and nearly in me. I don't really like their kids all that much either; they're way too much like me.

i'm too inappropriately greedy but I don't have a clear enough mind to help myself.

 

[William Gaatjes]

That's what some are saying that I have now (i think it's too much of a generalization).

I am worried that it all started with the vaccines. The meds I've taken since right near the 4th anniversary of my birth along with the neurofeedback damaged my brain, so I am worried. I am totally unaware these days and have been ever since I jacked up the luvox (to see what would happen and to make the doctor I used to see happy which he was) and I started getting neurofeedback in 2012, I have felt terrible. I can't focus and my vocabulary, calculation speed, visual processing, and reading fluency are not what they once were. at age 4 and then again a month before the 9th anniversary of my birth I scored in the 96th percentile on vocabulary subtests.

A Reynolds Intellectual Assessment Scale Composite Index Score of 77 (and the scathing report) destroyed me (i don't really believe in IQ tests anymore but like I said, I still know i am not what I used to be).

Not that I believe in IQ tests anymore, but I fear I could be reformed into a ruler somewhere.

I am getting off the abilify (the meds are too harmful as i discovered with the Vyvanse), but my parents are irritating the hell out of me and I am irritating them; they won't get out of debt and they won't put 1/2 down on a Sun Realty home currently appraised at $950k. I wish an editor and I could pay cash for my thoughts.

Further, I need help, but the psychiatrists can't do it and I hate how my oldest brother believes that I should do whatever the psychiatrist advises.

And I want to be a biological father of a daughter with mtDNA haplogroup U5/U8b'K and O blood type (i might be O, but i am not sure because my mom is O+ and she bled while pregnant with me and my dad is AB-). I want the birth mother to be an SFP but I alienate everyone and I can't stand myself for it. The women I find attractive don't like me and they have a tendency to run away from me. My brothers married control freaks like themselves and their kids are totally unhappy so me impregnating (sorry for not using a better word) a TJ, FJ, NFP woman is out of the question. I want to die with all my remains reduced to nothing but ashes because no Artisan woman with mtDNA superhaplogroup UK loves me enough to give me what I desire most.

I hope it was okay to post this thread. I don't want to be rude or even violently when replying to any replies I might not like; so mods please keep a tab on the provoking. I really wasn't born disabled; but circumstances have really made me unstable and it makes me so unhappy.

I don't want my knowledge replaced or removed and I am running scared of myself and of the universe.

I want to know what others think; honestly I need to die with 100% of my remains reduced to nothing but ashes. I don't want to try to control, but I was born to 2 controlling authoritarian parents and for that I just don't want to live anymore ever again.

I am sorry for flight of ideas.

You are doing good to get off the abilify. That stuff is crap and should be banned from using. It gives you the impression that you feel more energetic and happy and alive but a large group of people cannot sleep or hardly sleep when using abilify and must take sleeping pills to be able to sleep. Now that just can not be the case. It is wearing you out in the long run. In my opinion, taking abilify is just like taking cocaine. Abilify is an anti-psychotic, but it causes sleep disorders and it is common knowledge that a constant lack of sleep can cause psychotic disorders to happen or when you have them, to get worse.

Maybe you are better of with Olanzapine. Ask your doctor for advise. This has also side effects, such as increased hunger. But at low doses it will do the job, decreasing side effects.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine

With respect to the rest of your post, enjoy life more and learn yourself to worry less about your own capabilities. The human brain is not designed to function at 100% all the time. There is a reason why humans have a built in lazy feature. We need it to recuperate. And when you have sleeping problems, you need more time to recuperate during awake time. At least that is my experience.
For example me :
I would love to be doing electronics and programming 24/7 ,but my brain just goes to idle mode in the evening after work. Add the daily routines and household chores that must be done and there is little time left.
You have to accept that you cannot be smart 24/7.

EDIT:
No one is. There are people who are gifted but usually they lack qualities in other fields. It is just natural.

 

[Anarchist420]

Maybe you are better of with Olanzapine. Ask your doctor for advise. This has also side effects, such as increased hunger. But at low doses it will do the job, decreasing side effects. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine

Olanzapine isn't necessary either and it would start at a low dose, then the dose would go high until I was asleep most of the time; too much isn't enough for psychiatrists. I am not going to try any other psychotherapy ever.

 

[surfsatwerk]

Olanzapine isn't necessary either and it would start at a low dose, then the dose would go high until I was asleep most of the time; too much isn't enough for psychiatrists. I am not going to try any other psychotherapy ever.

This is the one and only time I make a sincere response to one of your threads.

It's not about what you want. It's about doing what you have to do to get yourself into a "functional" condition so the people in your life that love you and care for you get to live free of their "caretaker" responsibilities.

 

[mizzou]

#1 Your traits have nothing to do with any psychotic disorder.

#2 Troll harder

 

[brianmanahan]

#2 Troll harder

tbh i dont think that is possible :awe:

 

[Lonyo]

Anarchisting in a Posting420 thread.

 

[brianmanahan]

Anarchisting in a Posting420 thread.

just not as catchy as "spacing in a postman thread"

 

[Printer Bandit]

Is retarded contagious?

 

[MongGrel]

tbh i dont think that is possible :awe:

:biggrin: