PSA: Stop marrying and having kids so young!

[waggy]

Originally posted by: luvly
Yeah, Mame, I'm amazed when I see people get married between the ages of 18 - 23.

Lord . . . it makes me feel like I'm just the crazy person for thinking I'm still a kid and need some growing up (i.e., grounding myself financially and emotionally).

Before, that age was the norm and reasonable. People who waited longer were the few who prioritised their careers. However, according to recent statistics, more people are holding back to get married and have children about age 26 and above. It's probably still a great deal of influence in education and career, but it tells us that a majority are seeing things differently now. There are even more singles at age 29, according to a report. There's been a shift in what's considered a reasonable age to get married and have kids.

Hubris, age is always relevant but what the number reads is contingent. There's always a shift in society's. . . . Once upon a time, 14 was reasonable and not unheard of for a lady and anything from 18 appropriate for a guy. Denying a correlation of age and maturity would seem disingenuous to me. How long ago was it when your sister was that age and got married? Could you affirm that the level of comfort now, either financially or emotionally, is the best they could have achieved had they waited longer?

Don't get me wrong: I'm sure some people are mature and set at an early age. However, many aren't and only few live to see a lasting marital life.

while you do have to consider age you cant say just because someone got married young then they wont have alasting marital life.

my wife's grandparents were married before they hit 20. heck i think her grandma was 17 when they got married. If it was not for the fact that her grandpa died 2 years ago they would still be married.

my sister got married at 18, she had a baby at 22 and she is still married and has a good marriage. her husband has a good job with com-ed and they live a good life.

yes age has some to do with it. but maturity has more. i know a few 10--14yr olds that are way more mature then some of my friends that are 26-32. I have a buddy that got married at 25 and is getting a divorce after a year and half. mainly because his wife is very immature. Where a friend of my wife's got married and had a child before she was 20 and they are still married and have 3 great kids. both of them are mature because they had to grow up. They now have a nice house and college degrees.


remember just because you think something is correct does not make it so.

 

[TommyVercetti]

Knew some religious dude at work who married at 21. He said he stopped using contraceptives, and left it upto God. When asked if he was ready to have a kid (financially), he said no. So basically if God decided, he would give them a kid, otherwise no.

 

[NokiaDude]

25 is the perfect age. I think?

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti
Knew some religious dude at work who married at 21. He said he stopped using contraceptives, and left it upto God. When asked if he was ready to have a kid (financially), he said no. So basically if God decided, he would give them a kid, otherwise no.

My god doesn't work like that!

 

[Codewiz]

Well I am 25 and probably getting married in the next year or so. I am just now mentally ready. I thought I was ready at 20 but I was wrong. I probably learned more about myself and the world between the ages of 20-25 than the rest of my life.

You can't compare previous generations averages for when they got married to ours. My generation usually doesn't even finish school until around 23 years old.

I just think that marriages fail early now because of all the added stress. When you get married, there is going to be enough stress in both of the people's lives that they don't need any extra stress. Your life changes so much in your early 20's that I personally feel that waiting is the most reasonable thing.

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: Vic

Originally posted by: MAME

Originally posted by: Vic
Who the fsck are you to tell other people how to live their lives?

I am the government.


Besides, it's for the children, not the stupid parents. Oh, and I think it would be really funny if you were pro life! Haha!

Back to your sandbox, little boy

1. Government doesn't have and should never be allowed that type of power.
2. I like to bloody the noses of people who say "But it's for the children!"
3. I'm pro-choice

1. I was kidding
2. All the idiots you live with today are products of their environment. If you complain about how bad we are now, wait a generation or two.
3. Well duh

4. Chill dude

 

[Beau]

Bah, you've got your reasons, I've got mine. Married @ 22 was perfect for me. Rather than having to go through lifes challenges by my lonesome, I have a trusting and loving companion that I can share everything with -- joy or sorrow. I didn't do it because I couldn't continue by myself, I did it because I'd RATHER be with someone.

Go on believing what's best for you. I'll continue doing what's best for me. I'm sure we're very different people with very different needs.

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: Codewiz
Well I am 25 and probably getting married in the next year or so. I am just now mentally ready. I thought I was ready at 20 but I was wrong. I probably learned more about myself and the world between the ages of 20-25 than the rest of my life.

You can't compare previous generations averages for when they got married to ours. My generation usually doesn't even finish school until around 23 years old.

I just think that marriages fail early now because of all the added stress. When you get married, there is going to be enough stress in both of the people's lives that they don't need any extra stress. Your life changes so much in your early 20's that I personally feel that waiting is the most reasonable thing.

25 is fine, rock on!

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: Beau
Bah, you've got your reasons, I've got mine. Married @ 22 was perfect for me. Rather than having to go through lifes challenges by my lonesome, I have a trusting and loving companion that I can share everything with -- joy or sorrow. I didn't do it because I couldn't continue by myself, I did it because I'd RATHER be with someone.

Go on believing what's best for you. I'll continue doing what's best for me. I'm sure we're very different people with very different needs.

bummer dude! don't read what luvly said! you want stay married long according to her/him/it!

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: TommyVercetti
Knew some religious dude at work who married at 21. He said he stopped using contraceptives, and left it upto God. When asked if he was ready to have a kid (financially), he said no. So basically if God decided, he would give them a kid, otherwise no.

I don't get this. I've known many non-religious people who did basically the same thing and, in those cases, insteand of being married they usually did that in short flings that ended up either with an STD or a kid.
In my younger days, we called that "jumping without a parachute" or (more nicely) "partying without the balloons".

Nice anti-religious generalization though

 

[waggy]

doh! repost darn machine!

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: Beau
Bah, you've got your reasons, I've got mine. Married @ 22 was perfect for me. Rather than having to go through lifes challenges by my lonesome, I have a trusting and loving companion that I can share everything with -- joy or sorrow. I didn't do it because I couldn't continue by myself, I did it because I'd RATHER be with someone.

Go on believing what's best for you. I'll continue doing what's best for me. I'm sure we're very different people with very different needs.

Getting married at 22 isn't that bad, but imagine having a kid. Or better yet, having a kid without being married.

People getting married at 18 or so is just asking for problems.

 

[AreaCode707]

Logically that makes sense. The only thing that makes me question it is recent history. I mean, the divorce rate is through the roof nowadays and kids are generally recognized to be more f-ed up than in past generations. But past generations found it normal to marry young. The people I know with 50 year marriages married at 20. Their kids are normal and well adjusted. The people with f-ed up kids and high divorce rates are the ones who married later. My theory is that those folks had more time for their personalities to set, get used to living independently, and have trouble adjusting to a marriage and kids, are used to their single lives.

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: HotChic
Logically that makes sense. The only thing that makes me question it is recent history. I mean, the divorce rate is through the roof nowadays and kids are generally recognized to be more f-ed up than in past generations. But past generations found it normal to marry young. The people I know with 50 year marriages married at 20. Their kids are normal and well adjusted. The people with f-ed up kids and high divorce rates are the ones who married later. My theory is that those folks had more time for their personalities to set, get used to living independently, and have trouble adjusting to a marriage and kids, are used to their single lives.

Maybe...or maybe it's that they're too messed up to find a mate as it is. Then when they find someone, they get married because they don't want to lose them. Then those cute quirks start being striaght up annoying and issues ensue!

 

[DT4K]

I got married when I was 23 and my wife was 20. Had our first child 6 months later(yeah, I know, but we had always planned on getting married, this surprise just helped us move the date up).
Now I'm 32, been married for 9 years and have our fourth child due in 3 months. I don't regret any of it. Except I wish I had finished school and gotten a real job a long time ago instead of 2 years ago. But honestly, having kids wasn't the reason it took me so long. It was more a matter of laziness and not having a clue what I wanted to do.

 

"my wife's grandparents were married before they hit 20. heck i think her grandma was 17 when they got married. If it was not for the fact that her grandpa died 2 years ago they would still be married."

You missed my point there. Your grandparents' generation's age of maturity was different from that of our generation. At the time, people were normally matured at that age! And if they weren't by those ages, they weren't likely to be later. Career was not a priority for many, in particular women; one household income was enough. Now it's shifted . . . the level of maturity and norm. There's a correlation between age and maturity (e.g., sense of responsibility, finance and circumstances such as rise in standard of living). How people think now as a whole has changed significantly, and it can be seen in age . . . but the age that maturity is seen has shifted. As I said, there are always a few exceptions, but majority don't work in the long run or encounter so many troubles.

I hope you understand what I'm saying better. If you still disagree, in spite of the clarification, that is fine. I would love to see specific statistics in relation to age and marriage/divorce, but unfortunately it's a difficult one to find.

 

[matt426malm]

People who get married and have kids at 22 are not the problem it's kids who have Kids at like 15.

 

[MAME]

Originally posted by: matt426malm
People who get married and have kids at 22 are not the problem it's kids who have Kids at like 15.

Well yeah. The age is inversely related to the amount of problems. The fringe is early 20's. At that age factors such as school, finance and work are more at play than maturity. So around 25 is the best gurantee for having everything in place.

 

[MAME]

"my wife's grandparents were married before they hit 20. heck i think her grandma was 17 when they got married. If it was not for the fact that her grandpa died 2 years ago they would still be married."

Yeah, that wasn't 2003....

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: luvly
"my wife's grandparents were married before they hit 20. heck i think her grandma was 17 when they got married. If it was not for the fact that her grandpa died 2 years ago they would still be married."

You missed my point there. Your grandparents' generation's age of maturity was different from that of our generation. At the time, people were normally matured at that age! And if they weren't by those ages, they weren't likely to be later. Career was not a priority for many, in particular women; one household income was enough. Now it's shifted . . . the level of maturity and norm. There's a correlation between age and maturity (e.g., sense of responsibility, finance and circumstances such as rise in standard of living). How people think now as a whole has changed significantly, and it can be seen in age . . . but the age that maturity is seen has shifted. As I said, there are always a few exceptions, but majority don't work in the long run or encounter so many troubles.

I hope you understand what I'm saying better. If you still disagree, in spite of the clarification, that is fine. I would love to see specific statistics in relation to age and marriage/divorce, but unfortunately it's a difficult one to find.

I understand what you are saying. but i disagree. i think that with the pressure/needs that kids have today many mature at a faster rate then they did back then.

So you don't want to use what my Grandparents did..fine. what about the fact that i have seen other kids around my age get married at a young age and be fine and successful? again its not out of the norm.

sure you have kids that are NOT mature playing house. but you also have many that are mature enough at 19-22 that can and do make it successful.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: MAME
"my wife's grandparents were married before they hit 20. heck i think her grandma was 17 when they got married. If it was not for the fact that her grandpa died 2 years ago they would still be married."

Yeah, that wasn't 2003....

then your argument is flawed. you cant say only marriages in 2003. because you cant take into account successful marriages.

come up with a reason why it don't matter.

 

"I understand what you are saying. but i disagree. i think that with the pressure/needs that kids have today many mature at a faster rate then they did back then."

To help with the debate, let me ask you this, so we are on the same wavelength: What is maturity to you? How do you define it; that is, what things do you associate with maturity?

It would help to establish that we at least agree on maturity.

As for the other non-grandparents' examples you gave, there are always exceptions. They may be exceptions. Also, I haven't said people just promptly divorce because of their ages. I am talking about how their relationships fare whilst they're still together, in addition to how long it lasts.

 

[Aftermath]

Being married at 18, I gotta say I'm a bit offended at this thread.

I think age is the secondary factor in marriage. You can't belittle someone for being married at 18-25 when there are KIDS out there, barely in puberty, 14 or 15 years old, behind the wheel of giant death machines, and most KIDS stomp their little feet and shake their fists in the air if they have to wait until *gasp* SIXTEEN to drive. Why not just raise the bar to 21? 21 for anyone to drive, don't care about maturity, school/police records, nobody drives before then. Yeah, I can see how well that would go over.

(Before anyone gets their underwear in a bunch, that paragraph isn't serious, just trying to make a point.)

If you can join the military at 18, why is it too young to get married? I can go to jail, or leave my country to fight in combat for the military, but I can't be legally (emotionally) tied to someone without some know-it-all questioning my judgement?

It's all about how emotionally capable you are. If you are/were one of those idiot social butterflies in high school who drifted from relationship to relationship, or you were only out to get laid, then yes, getting married at 18 is a bad idea, becuase you're probably just getting married because the chick has a tight butt and breasts that you could sufficate between.

For the record, my wife and I dated from 8th grade through the end of high school and we got married the summer afterwards. We both work, we have a decently large apartment, broadband, I just spent $900 in computer upgrades about three months ago, and we're working on getting her a laptop. We're doing great both emotially and financially, and everything is just like it was when we were dating, because we spent years getting to know eachother and getting over obstacles together. We have no plans on having kids anytime soon, because we're eighteen, obviously. We're far away from having a stable home where we can raise children and be stable doing so.

It's all about maturity and how you deal with relationships and life, not the number that indicates how long you've been alive.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: luvly
"I understand what you are saying. but i disagree. i think that with the pressure/needs that kids have today many mature at a faster rate then they did back then."

To help with the debate, let me ask you this, so we are on the same wavelength: What is maturity to you? How do you define it; that is, what things do you associate with maturity?

It would help to establish that we at least agree on maturity.

maturity is not dependent on age. it has to do with how a person acts, lives and releates to others.

My wife's sister is 10-11 (heh sorry im not really sure wich it is, im such a bad brother in law!) who not only understands that school is important (straight A student) but also understands that hard work is also needed to be succefull. She treats people the way they treat her. heck the kid has a few hundred in savings she has earned from odd jobs. while this is an extreme example (she is a little freak at times) i know a few other people who were close to her in this. heck i was at her age.

on the other extreme is her sister. she is 29 and just moved out of her parents house. she has never had a real job and still act/dresses like she is 17. she has had 3 car's reposessed and can NOT get onother loan.

As for the other non-grandparents' examples you gave, there are always exceptions. They may be exceptions. Also, I haven't said people just promptly divorce because of their ages. I am talking about how their relationships fare whilst they're still together, in addition to how long it lasts.

sure some releationships dont fare well. i dont think its because of maturity though. i think its becaus divorce has become an ecepted and easy thing to do. 40 years or so it was not excepted. Also people were more religous. Many religions would not allow a person to get a divorce. Now almost all of them do.

I do agree with you that people shouldnt get married at 18-24. heck i started dateing my wife at 18 (she was 15-16. i cant remember). she moved in with me when i was 21 and we got married when i was 25. i had my first child not to long ago.

 

[OIKOS]

sis