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Probably the FUNNIEST review of Pearl Harbor :)

Phokus

Phokus

Lifer
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/pearlharbor.html



<< If you think that any of the four movies these guys have made together (&quot;Bad Boys,&quot; &quot;The Rock,&quot; &quot;Armageddon&quot; and &quot;Pearl Harbor&quot😉 approach art, then you simply have the brain of a small rodent. As we walked out of the theater, the guy next to me nodded enthusiastically and said &quot;good movie&quot; -- except that it sounded like &quot;gold moby&quot;, because he suffered from slurred speech and was wearing a propellor beanie and giant diaper. In other words, he represents the very demographic that makes Michael Bay possible. Bay's movies are for people who think Red Lobster is a classy restaurant, who think Coors is a robust beer, and who think that wearing clothes so tight that their genitals actually squeak is an attractive fashion statement. >>



ROFL

But on a more serious note, i think what 'mr cranky' says about Cuba Gooding Jr. is quite true, he just plays a token black guy.



<< Cuba Gooding, Jr. has an embarrassingly brief role as a cook who becomes a hero because if the filmmakers didn't show a black guy doing something, liberals would get all upset about lack of black representation. First of all, I don't recall seeing a single Hawaiian in the entire film. Secondly, what does Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character have to do with the story? It's actually an insult that he's in the film, because the scenes are so clearly a patronizing effort to appease the black community. Do they really need or want >>



Wow, this dude must have read a previous post i made:



<< The irony of &quot;Pearl Harbor&quot; is that it's trying so hard to be patriotic that it ends up having the opposite effect. I left the theater thinking, &quot;Is everyone in America really this stupid?&quot; Let's see how much money &quot;Pearl Harbor&quot; makes. I suspect the answer is yes. >>

 
haha. i liked this:



<< Naturally, Bay manages to get his signature shot in the film: a bunch of guys walking in slow motion about to head into battle. ....

.... Every Michael Bay moment is like an advertisement for itself, as though he wanted to make every scene suitable for the trailer or for the cover of the DVD. >>



 
there was a hawaiian in the movie. he was the barkeep (or bartender)
who briefly appeared during the bar fight running, dodging or grinning
or something.
 
Let's boycott the movie. They obviously have no interest in portraying the essence of a significant event in history. They are just out to make money. So don't give them yours.
 
forget the reviews
it was an excellent movie and well worth the $4.50
make your own decisions and don't let others make them for you 🙂
 


<< But on a more serious note, i think what 'mr cranky' says about Cuba Gooding Jr. is quite true, he just plays a token black guy. >>




<< Cuba Gooding, Jr. has an embarrassingly brief role as a cook who becomes a hero >>


token black guy.....Sorry 2 say u and Mr Cranky do not know your history. There was a such a man(black ) and he was a COOK and did become a HERO !Ship's Cook Third Class Doris Miller, USN and had a ship named for him in 1973.Commissioned on 30 June 1973, USS Miller (FF-1091), a Knox-class frigate, was named in honor of Doris Miller. In addition recieved the Navy Cross, Purple Heart Medal; the American Defense Service Medal, Fleet Clasp; the Asiatic-Pacific Campaign Medal; and the World War II Victory Medal.


<< He returned to West Virginia and on 3 August, and was serving in that battleship when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on 7 December 1941. Miller had arisen at 6 a.m., and was collecting laundry when the alarm for general quarters sounded. He headed for his battle station, the antiaircraft battery magazine amidship, only to discover that torpedo damage had wrecked it, so he went on deck. Because of his physical prowess, he was assigned to carry wounded fellow Sailors to places of greater safety. Then an officer ordered him to the bridge to aid the mortally wounded Captain of the ship. He subsequently manned a 50 caliber Browning anti-aircraft machine gun until he ran out of ammunition and was ordered to abandon ship. >>

Ship's Cook Third Class Doris Miller, USN ....Link from Naval Historical Center Mission: To enhance the Navy's effectiveness by preserving, analyzing and interpreting its hard-earned experience and history for the Navy and the American people.

The point I am making here is not about the movie (since I have not seen it) but by his choice words and by you reposting them in this forum. Mr Cranky's &quot;token black guy&quot; and then followed by your own rude words &quot; But on a more serious note, i think what 'mr cranky' says about Cuba Gooding Jr. is quite true, he just plays a token black guy.&quot;

Phokus because of your lack of history knowledge, you have disgraced and dishonored Mr Miller's memory.

Sorry maybe I am Mr Cranky because this is Memorial Weekend and take offense to your &quot;token black&quot; statement. Since I am a Vet that served with blacks.
 
Well why do you not see other films? Because there are bad reviews? How should you decide which film to see and which not to? The amount of advertising? Agreed, they might have done some good effects and what not, but a lot of films have turned into purely money-making exercises. From what I have read, the movie degrades the event of the Pearl Harbour bombing. Therefore, the movie should not be supported.
 
well, i give it 2 stars out of 4...but like i said before, 2 is pushing it...almost a 1.5. the only redeeming quality of this movie is the battle scenes. the rest is just pathetic.
 
Naturally, Bay manages to get his signature shot in the film: a bunch of guys walking in slow motion about to head into battle. I'm so sick of that shot I could beat a rhino to death with my penis.

LOL. I totally know what he means. That scene in arma-crapon makes me puke!

I'm still going to see this movie, but I'm glad the slew of nasty reviews has set myself up not to be dissapointed.

I guess its no Saving Private Ryan...
 


<< Naturally, Bay manages to get his signature shot in the film: a bunch of guys walking in slow motion about to head into battle. I'm so sick of that shot I could beat a rhino to death with my penis. >>


lol...classic.
 
I have little interest in the movie, but this review seems terribly arch and mean-spirited. I take issue with any review that derides a person just for disagreeing with the reviewer. But then I guess he is Mr. Cranky!
 
This was probably one of the more intelligent reviews of the movie:



<< &quot;Pearl Harbor&quot; is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision or originality, and although you may walk out quoting lines of dialogue, it will not be because you admire them.

The filmmakers seem to have aimed the film at an audience that may not have heard of Pearl Harbor, or perhaps even of World War II. This is the Our Weekly Reader version. If you have the slightest knowledge of the events in the film, you will know more than it can tell you. There is no sense of history, strategy or context; according to this movie, Japan attacked Pearl Harbor because the United States cut off its oil supply, and it was down to an 18-month reserve. Would going to war restore the fuel sources? Did it perhaps also has imperialist designs? The movie doesn't say.

So shaky is the film's history that at the end, when Jimmy Doolittle's Tokyo raiders crash-land in China, they're shot at by Japanese patrols without any explanation about the Sino-Japanese war already under way. I predict some viewers will leave the theater sincerely confused about why there were Japanese in China.

As for the movie's portrait of the Japanese themselves, it is so oblique that Japanese audiences will find little to complain about, apart from the fact that they play such a small role in their own raid. There are several scenes where the Japanese high command debates military tactics, but all of their dialogue is strictly expository; they state facts but do not emerge with personalities or passions. Only Adm. Yamamoto (Mako) is seen as an individual, and his dialogue seems to have been rewritten with the hindsight of history. Congratulated on a brilliant raid, he demurs, &quot;A brilliant man would find a way not to fight a war.&quot; And later, &quot;I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant.&quot;

Do you imagine at any point the Japanese high command engaged in the 1941 Japanese equivalent of exchanging high fives and shouting &quot;yes!&quot; while pumping their fists in the air? Not in this movie, where the Japanese seem to have been melancholy even at the time about the regrettable need to play such a negative role in such a positive Hollywood film.

The American side of the story centers on two childhood friends from Tennessee with the standard-issue screenplay names Rafe McCawley (Ben Affleck) and Danny Walker (Josh Hartnett). They enter the Army Air Corps and both fall in love with the same nurse, Evelyn Johnson (Kate Beckinsale)--first Rafe falls for her, and then, after he is reported dead, Danny. Their first date is subtitled &quot;Three Months Later&quot; and ends with Danny, having apparently read the subtitle, telling Evelyn, &quot;Don't let it be three months before I see you again, OK?&quot; That gets almost as big a laugh as her line to Rafe, &quot;I'm gonna give Danny my whole heart, but I don't think I'll ever look at another sunset without thinking of you.&quot;

That kind of bad laugh would have been sidestepped in a more literate screenplay, but our hopes are not high after an early newsreel report that the Germans are bombing &quot;downtown London&quot;--a difficult target, since although there is such a place as &quot;central London,&quot; at no time in 2,000 years has London ever had anything described by anybody as a &quot;downtown.&quot;

There is not a shred of conviction or chemistry in the love triangle, which results after Rafe returns alive to Hawaii shortly before the raid on Pearl Harbor and is angry at Evelyn for falling in love with Danny, inspiring her timeless line, &quot;I didn't even know until the day you turned up alive--and then all this happened.&quot;

Evelyn is a heroine in the aftermath of the raid, performing triage by using her lipstick to separate the wounded who should be treated from those left to die. In a pointless stylistic choice, director Michael Bay and cinematographer John Schwartzman shoot some of the hospital scenes in soft focus, some in sharp focus, some blurred. Why? In the newsreel sequences, they fade in and out of black and white with almost amusing haste, while the newsreel announcer sounds not like a period voice but like a Top-40 DJ in an echo chamber.

The most involving material in the film comes at the end, when Doolittle (Alec Baldwin) leads his famous raid on Tokyo, flying Army bombers off the decks of Navy carriers and hoping to crash-land in China. He and his men were heroes, and their story would make a good movie (and indeed has: &quot;Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo&quot😉. Another hero in the movie is the African-American cook Dorie Miller (Cuba Gooding Jr.), who because of his race was not allowed to touch a gun in the racist pre-war Navy, but opens fire during the raid and shoots down two planes. He's shown getting a medal; in real life, he died later in the war, and the Navy was none too swift to part with its medal even posthumously.

As for the raid itself, a little goes a long way. What is the point, really, of more than half an hour of planes bombing ships, of explosions and fireballs, of roars on the soundtrack and bodies flying through the air and people running away from fighters that are strafing them? How can it be entertaining or moving when it's simply about the most appalling slaughter? Why do the filmmakers think we want to see this, unrelieved by intelligence, viewpoint or insight? It was a terrible, terrible day.

I have visited the Battleship Arizona Memorial. My late Aunt Martha dated a boy, Willis Hartrick, who is entombed in the ship. Three thousand died in all. This is not a movie about them. It is an unremarkable action movie; Pearl Harbor supplies the subject, but not the inspiration. >>



 


<<

<< But on a more serious note, i think what 'mr cranky' says about Cuba Gooding Jr. is quite true, he just plays a token black guy. >>




<< Cuba Gooding, Jr. has an embarrassingly brief role as a cook who becomes a hero >>


token black guy.....Sorry 2 say u and Mr Cranky do not know your history. There was a such a man(black ) and he was a COOK and did become a HERO !Ship's Cook Third Class Doris Miller, USN and had a ship named for him in 1973.Commissioned on 30 June 1973, USS Miller (FF-1091), a Knox-class frigate, was named in honor of Doris Miller. In addition recieved the Navy Cross, Purple Heart Medal; the American Defense Service Medal, Fleet Clasp; the Asiatic-Pacific Campaign Medal; and the World War II Victory Medal.


<< He returned to West Virginia and on 3 August, and was serving in that battleship when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on 7 December 1941. Miller had arisen at 6 a.m., and was collecting laundry when the alarm for general quarters sounded. He headed for his battle station, the antiaircraft battery magazine amidship, only to discover that torpedo damage had wrecked it, so he went on deck. Because of his physical prowess, he was assigned to carry wounded fellow Sailors to places of greater safety. Then an officer ordered him to the bridge to aid the mortally wounded Captain of the ship. He subsequently manned a 50 caliber Browning anti-aircraft machine gun until he ran out of ammunition and was ordered to abandon ship. >>

Ship's Cook Third Class Doris Miller, USN ....Link from Naval Historical Center Mission: To enhance the Navy's effectiveness by preserving, analyzing and interpreting its hard-earned experience and history for the Navy and the American people.

The point I am making here is not about the movie (since I have not seen it) but by his choice words and by you reposting them in this forum. Mr Cranky's &quot;token black guy&quot; and then followed by your own rude words &quot; But on a more serious note, i think what 'mr cranky' says about Cuba Gooding Jr. is quite true, he just plays a token black guy.&quot;

Phokus because of your lack of history knowledge, you have disgraced and dishonored Mr Miller's memory.

Sorry maybe I am Mr Cranky because this is Memorial Weekend and take offense to your &quot;token black&quot; statement. Since I am a Vet that served with blacks. >>



Do you think i'm not aware of this? I say token black guy because they included Cuba just to appease the black audience, regardless of whether he played a real character or not. Don't tell me you think that Cuba's character was all that significant to the movie? If he had more of a role, then he wouldn't be called the 'token black guy'. It was Bay and Burkheimer who dishonored Miller's name.
 
Well...it was spot on...unlike Pearl Harbor. I think I actually saw an M-16 in the whole mix as well.



Anyways...Saving Private Ryan + Titanic = Pearl Harbor. What made the movie worthwhile, was the jawdropping surprise attack sequence. However, that only took up a small portion of the movie.

Pure drivel.


Well no one said those who actually have knowledge of WW2 would like it.



Blah.
 


<< They are just out to make money. So don't give them yours. >>



Do you forget that the movie industry is a business like any other? They have to make money. This movie was made on guys working for free. A LOT of the salaries for the movie have been deferred until the movie makes money. Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer's included. Most people who worked on the movie don't see a dime until it makes their ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS that they shelled out to make it. Should it have been a more artsy movie or based just on fact or history? The truth is that most people in this country don't want to see that stuff. It's your more quality films, but they need to make money, so people have to go see it. Therefore, they need to make something most of the people in this country want to see.

As for Michael Bay. He started directing music videos and it shows in every movie he makes. They ALL look just like a music video. Somehow he became friends with Jerry Bruckheimer or something and now he's making movies. I'm not saying that music video directors shoudn't make movies. Spike Jonez and David Fincher did the transition REALLY well. Michael Bay, however, just has really good friends in really good places. 🙂
 


<< Do you forget that the movie industry is a business like any other? They have to make money. This movie was made on guys working for free. A LOT of the salaries for the movie have been deferred until the movie makes money. Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer's included. Most people who worked on the movie don't see a dime until it makes their ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS that they shelled out to make it. Should it have been a more artsy movie or based just on fact or history? The truth is that most people in this country don't want to see that stuff. It's your more quality films, but they need to make money, so people have to go see it. Therefore, they need to make something most of the people in this country want to see. >>



And that's the problem, the average American moviegoer is become more and more unintelligent every year. They get dazzled by all the CG special effects and clicheish love stories/action movies. A movie doesn't have to be &quot;artsy&quot; to be good. It just has to have good acting/good script (i.e. The Usual Suspects, Memento, Saving Private Ryan). Anyone who says Pearl Harbor has either should be taken to a firing range and shot execution style. Pearl Harbor should've been left to Steven Spielberg.
 


<<
As for Michael Bay. He started directing music videos and it shows in every movie he makes. They ALL look just like a music video. Somehow he became friends with Jerry Bruckheimer or something and now he's making movies. I'm not saying that music video directors shoudn't make movies. Spike Jonez and David Fincher did the transition REALLY well. Michael Bay, however, just has really good friends in really good places. 🙂 >>




That makes sence as to why Armageddon was the way it was. I couldn't
stand that movie for that very reason, too much like a rock video.


DD
 
Like i said, spielberg shoulda made the movie. Bay/Burkheimer shoulda renamed pearl harbor to something else so we wouldn't have such high expectations of it.
 
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