Prenuptial Agreements - what do you think of them?

[SuperTool]

Yes, if you are a male, do whatever it takes to protect yourself, because the legal system is stacked against you.
Like someone said, if you stay married forever, it's not an issue, but if you get divorced you'll be glad you got one. A big incentive for the wife to not get divorced as well.

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: badluck

think its ridiculous to have one if you're getting married out of college and you both have virtually nothing going into the marriage, but it can be alot more relevant if both are older and have more assets.

Everybody needs a pre-nup. Most people don't realize this but, even if you are broke and just getting started out the courts will take half of your assets (including retirement money) and leave you broke. My parents have a friend who is a firefighter and recently divorced. Right now, he has nothing due to the divorce. He wasn't the one who wanted to get divorced and they still took most of his money. He has just enough money now to live in an apartment and eat. He said the only way he can afford to move out of his apartment is to get married to someone else and hope they can help him out. The kids are over 18, so he doesn't have to pay support and he is still broke. He never cheated on her, and loved her to death. It's sad.....If you are a male, the deck is stacked against you when getting divorced. People need to be realistic about marriage. Sure, nobody wants to get divorced......but, let's face it....people change over the course of their lives. To me, it is a realistic approach to the situation. If we never get divorced, it wouldn't make a difference. If we do, then it gives both of us security. Security that might allow either of us to move on with our life if our marriage doesn't work out. Even if my wife made 2x what I did, I wouldn't want her money.

If he didn't have anything to begin with, how would a pre-nup have helped this situation? In most states I think its the law (or something rather) that both spouses are entitled to 1/2 of what is accumulated during the marriage. What kind of prenup would have helped this guy from giving 1/2 or protecting more of what is accumulated during the marriage while still being a document that the wife-to-be would actually sign?

 

[weezergirl]

what's the point of even getting married? if you are so scared of getting screwed then why don't u just live together as a couple. what advantages would you get out of marriage?

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
what's the point of even getting married? if you are so scared of getting screwed then why don't u just live together as a couple. what advantages would you get out of marriage?

I was under the idealistic impression that marriage was a symbolic representation of love between two people and NOT a business venture. Hence, getting married should be unaffected if one party can't steal the other party's sh!t when they decide they can't handle it anymore.
"Let's get married."
"Ok. Don't steal my stuff."
"Forget. I'm not going to marry you if I can't steal your stuff."

 

[gotsmack]

YES, for the love of got get a prenup. Gotta look out for #1. If I sacrafice just about everything for financial security I'm not about to lose it to a trophy wife. she can have 1/2 of whatever is in the joint checking account and what ever was bought with that money.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: SuperTool
Yes, if you are a male, do whatever it takes to protect yourself, because the legal system is stacked against you.
Like someone said, if you stay married forever, it's not an issue, but if you get divorced you'll be glad you got one. A big incentive for the wife to not get divorced as well.

A prenuptial agreement is still very poor protection - if either party has significant assets, the other party's lawyer is likely going to challenge the validity of the prenup, and whatever the result, it's going to be a costly legal battle. Even if you 'win', the legal costs of a protracted divorce would make it a pyrrhic victory.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

The cynic in me loves the karmic irony of two people about to pledge "until death do us part..." deciding how to divide up the stuff when the marriage inevitably ends. Really, how do the negotiations go? "Honey, I love you and only you and will forsake all others forever, but when you catch me in bed with your best friend and toss me out, I keep the Mercedes and the main house while you get the Jaguar, the summer cottage and one of the Van Goghs. Deal?"

Even if you manage to somehow overcome that little nugget of logic, they're like wills, not worth the paper they're printed on. The most expertly crafted pre-nup in the world can still be challenged in court and tossed out with remarkable ease. I'd just chance it, go without the pre-nup and begin hiding assets in numbered accounts well before the ceremony.

 

[tcsenter]

I think it would depend on a number of factors that may be personally unique in every case. I couldn't say yes or no across the board.

I do believe whatever assets are acquired or accumulated by the couple starting from the date of marriage are fair game - 50/50 - and many states already have laws which attempt to treat pre-marrital assets in a 'leave with what you brought to the marriage' manner, with certain exceptions.

I also think that the cause of the divorce can be a factor. If one party just decides they want a divorce so they can be free to 'find themselves' and cannot cite any compelling impropriety or wrong-doing on the part of the other as the reason for the divorce, they should not be entitled to the same standing as someone who cites reasons such as spousal cruelty, neglect, infidelity, etc.

But most of this could be avoided if people were a bit more careful to understand their prospective spouses so there are few surprises after marriage. Many couples never discuss things before marriage such as money issues (including debt), child bearing issues (who is going to stay home, if anyone, and for how long), child rearing issues (methods of discipline, each agreeing to enforce the rules and restrictions set by the other), settling disagreements (including when to agree to disagree), among many other issues, so that each knows what is expected of the other as a spouse and partner and you're both substantially on the same 'page' before taking the plunge, on a deeper level than just 'you two look great together' or being very compatible in bed.

 

[gotsmack]

Originally posted by: weezergirl
what's the point of even getting married? if you are so scared of getting screwed then why don't u just live together as a couple. what advantages would you get out of marriage?

you can still get sued for 1/2 your crap. its called something else though. don't remember what. better safe then sorry, I always say.

 

[codehack2]

As someone that has gone through a divorce recently... let me tell you... get a prenup.

My wife and I were married in fall of 2000. I had an excellent job and made lots of money, and she was still in school (1.5 years left). Over the course of the next year, I bought a house, a new car for her, furnished the house, paid for her schooling and provided a very comfortable lifestyle for her. 1.5 years later when it comes time for us to get a divorce, what happens? She gets half of the proceeds from selling the house, half of my accrued retirement plan, half of the cash value of my stocks that were purchased while we were married, her new car, half of the furnishings in the house, plus I get to pay for all of the legal fees ($3k) and her credit card debt. What a joke. Whoever says don't get a prenup needs to walk in my shoes.

CH2

 

[AdamDuritz99]

The only thing that i would have for a prenup is that if we had kids together, We would either have split custody 50/50 or I will have full custody of the child. No way in hell will i let a court take a way my child just b/c i'm a man!!!!!


peace
sean

 

[Geekbabe]

The most precious thing I would lose in a divorce is my heart and money can't buy me another one of those.I say if I marry, we start out as full partners, I can't imagine doing it any other way.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: tcsenter

But most of this could be avoided if people were a bit more careful to understand their prospective spouses so there are few surprises after marriage. Many couples never discuss things before marriage such as money issues (including debt), child bearing issues (who is going to stay home, if anyone, and for how long), child rearing issues (methods of discipline, each agreeing to enforce the rules and restrictions set by the other), settling disagreements (including when to agree to disagree), among many other issues, so that each knows what is expected of the other as a spouse and partner and you're both substantially on the same 'page' before taking the plunge, on a deeper level than just 'you two look great together' or being very compatible in bed.

Wise words, tcsenter. It's shocking just how many people have gotten married never having had discussions on these issues. It's easily one of the most important, life-changing decisions a person will ever make, and yet the typical couple spends more time planning the wedding, versus the marriage. [shakes head ruefully].

 

[LH]

you can still get sued for 1/2 your crap. its called something else though. don't remember what. better safe then sorry, I always say.

Its called palimony. And it only happens in cases were verbal promises were made, that one party would take care of the other. Its rare, and in most cases it happens to super rich people $50-100million +. Ive never heard of palimony case involving people that werent super rich. Heck all the ones Ive heard of were thrown out.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: codehack2
As someone that has gone through a divorce recently... let me tell you... get a prenup.

My wife and I were married in fall of 2000. I had an excellent job and made lots of money, and she was still in school (1.5 years left). Over the course of the next year, I bought a house, a new car for her, furnished the house, paid for her schooling and provided a very comfortable lifestyle for her. 1.5 years later when it comes time for us to get a divorce, what happens? She gets half of the proceeds from selling the house, half of my accrued retirement plan, half of the cash value of my stocks that were purchased while we were married, her new car, half of the furnishings in the house, plus I get to pay for all of the legal fees ($3k) and her credit card debt. What a joke. Whoever says don't get a prenup needs to walk in my shoes.

CH2

Damn. You are the Man of the Year for The Kicked in The Nuts By My EX Foundation. You truly got screwed, my friend. See, this is one of the many areas of our legal system that I feel is in dire need of repair.

It sounds to me that when she entered this relationship, she didn't have "a pot to piss in" if you'll excuse my language. You gave her everything...twice. That's just wrong.

You were married less than two years...how the hell was she able to latch onto your retirement plan? Man, I feel badly for you.

 

[BrunoPuntzJones]

Will never be married so it's a moot point, but you bet your ass I'd get one. Like already stated, the laws are stacked against guys anyway when it comes to this stuff. A prenup is better than nothing. I think it's ridiculous that they even have to be made, it should be automatic. Whatever I have before getting married is mine regardless of what happens.

I'm not going to work an extra 20 years just because someone was saying "you want me to sign it? you don't love me" Eh I'm too tired to type the rest.

 

[codehack2]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
Damn. You are the Man of the Year for The Kicked in The Nuts By My EX Foundation. You truly got screwed, my friend. See, this is one of the many areas of our legal system that I feel is in dire need of repair.

It sounds to me that when she entered this relationship, she didn't have "a pot to piss in" if you'll excuse my language. You gave her everything...twice. That's just wrong.

You were married less than two years...how the hell was she able to latch onto your retirement plan? Man, I feel badly for you.

Thanks for the comforting words man Illinois divorce law is a fabulous institution. For the most part, you are spot on... I was the sole provider in the relationship. The funny thing is she will go through the money from this like water... in the meantime, I'll make 85k this year and be on my merry way to starting a new (comfortible) life. The way I see it is, yeah she may have won the battle, but I'm going to win the war.

CH2