Post your Funny Famous People Quotes in here......

[crisp82]

Post who they are and what was said. I'll start the ball rolling......

Winston Churchill:

(While Drunk)
Woman : You're Drunk
Winston Churchill : And you're ugly, but at least in the morning I'll be sober!

Woman : If you were my husband I would put poison in your Tea
Winston Churchill : If you were my wife, I would drink it!

 

[dr150]

"Yes! I'll fiinally admit it. I am GAY!" -- Tom Cruise

"I am stupid" -- Farrah Fawcett

"I have NO acting skills!" -- Keanu Reeves

 

[aircooled]

see sig:

 

[dr150]

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
--Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
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Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
-- Mariah Carey
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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-- Miss Alabama (1994 Miss Universe pageant)
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
-- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
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I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
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Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
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I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
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Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
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Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.
-- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
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The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and ex-mayor of Philadelphia
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I've always thought that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries
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After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
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The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
-- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

 

[dr150]

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer

"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
- Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
(more sports quotes)

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
- Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President

 

[Schadenfroh]

"i drank what?"