IAteYourMother
Lifer
- Nov 3, 2004
- 10,491
- 22
- 81
"Then they met Sir Lancelot, and there was much rejoicing. Then winter came, and they were forced to eat Sir Robin's minstrels, and there was much rejoicing."
No quotes. But any clip involving the Ministry of Silly(funny? roommate last year had a Flying Circus box set) Walks makes me laugh uncontrolably. Especially the one where the secretary brings the men in the office a tray loaded with a teapot and teacups.
Schadenfroh
Elite Member
- Mar 8, 2003
- 38,416
- 4
- 0
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! Alright, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! Alright, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
Praline: Mr Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?
Milton: I am.
Praline: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad.We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Whizzo Quality Assortment.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: (producing box of chocolates) If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.
Milton: Agreed.
Praline: Next we have number four, 'Crunchy Frog'.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
Milton: Yes. A little one.
Praline: What sort of frog?
Milton: A dead frog.
Praline: Is it cooked?
Milton: No.
Praline: What, a raw frog?
[Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.]
Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.
Praline: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!
Milton: What else?
Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?
Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?
Praline: Superintendent Parrot ate one of those.
Parrot: Excuse me a moment. (exits hurriedly..vomiting noises are heard)
Praline: Well, the Superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock frog.
Milton: (insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!
Praline: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend, 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog' if you want to avoid prosecution.
Milton: What about our sales?
Praline: I'm not interested in your sales! I have to protect the general public! Now what about this one. (superintendent returns) It was number five, wasn't it? (superintendent nods) Number five... Ram's Bladder Cup. (superintendent runs out again) What sort of confection is this?
Milton: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit.
Praline: Larks vomit?
Milton: Correct.
Praline: Well, it don't say nothing about that here.
Milton: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.
Praline: (looking) Well, I hardly think this is good enough. I think it's be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label "Warning: Lark's vomit!"
Milton: But our sales would plummet!
Praline: Well, why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavor, I'm lead to understand. (superintendent returns) I mean look at this one... Cockroach Cluster! (superintendent runs out again) Anthrax Ripple! What's this one: 'Spring Surprise'?
Milton: Ah! Now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it into your mouth steel bolts spring out, and plunge straight through both cheeks.
Praline: Well, where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case, this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.
Milton: (getting up from the desk and being led away) It's a fair cop.
Milton: I am.
Praline: Superintendent Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad.We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Whizzo Quality Assortment.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: (producing box of chocolates) If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.
Milton: Agreed.
Praline: Next we have number four, 'Crunchy Frog'.
Milton: Ah, yes.
Praline: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?
Milton: Yes. A little one.
Praline: What sort of frog?
Milton: A dead frog.
Praline: Is it cooked?
Milton: No.
Praline: What, a raw frog?
[Superintendent Parrot looks increasingly queasy.]
Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.
Praline: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!
Milton: What else?
Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?
Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?
Praline: Superintendent Parrot ate one of those.
Parrot: Excuse me a moment. (exits hurriedly..vomiting noises are heard)
Praline: Well, the Superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock frog.
Milton: (insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!
Praline: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend, 'crunchy raw unboned real dead frog' if you want to avoid prosecution.
Milton: What about our sales?
Praline: I'm not interested in your sales! I have to protect the general public! Now what about this one. (superintendent returns) It was number five, wasn't it? (superintendent nods) Number five... Ram's Bladder Cup. (superintendent runs out again) What sort of confection is this?
Milton: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit.
Praline: Larks vomit?
Milton: Correct.
Praline: Well, it don't say nothing about that here.
Milton: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.
Praline: (looking) Well, I hardly think this is good enough. I think it's be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label "Warning: Lark's vomit!"
Milton: But our sales would plummet!
Praline: Well, why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary, like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavor, I'm lead to understand. (superintendent returns) I mean look at this one... Cockroach Cluster! (superintendent runs out again) Anthrax Ripple! What's this one: 'Spring Surprise'?
Milton: Ah! Now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it into your mouth steel bolts spring out, and plunge straight through both cheeks.
Praline: Well, where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case, this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.
Milton: (getting up from the desk and being led away) It's a fair cop.
GasX
Lifer
- Feb 8, 2001
- 29,033
- 6
- 81
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table
David Hume could out consume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away - Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a ah heck for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart - "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a ah heck when he's pissed
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table
David Hume could out consume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away - Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a ah heck for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart - "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a ah heck when he's pissed
kage69
Lifer
- Jul 17, 2003
- 31,379
- 47,659
- 136
Dingo: "And then......THE ORAL SEX!"
Gallahad: "Well I 'spose I could stay for awhile..."
-------------------------------------
"Nooooooooooooooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
------------------------------------
"Sit on my face, and tell me that you love meeeeeee, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love youuuuu tooooo, I love to hear you hear you oralize, when I'm between your thighs, you blow me awaaayyyyyyy....."
LOL, man I could do this all day
Gallahad: "Well I 'spose I could stay for awhile..."
-------------------------------------
"Nooooooooooooooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
------------------------------------
"Sit on my face, and tell me that you love meeeeeee, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love youuuuu tooooo, I love to hear you hear you oralize, when I'm between your thighs, you blow me awaaayyyyyyy....."
LOL, man I could do this all day
What is your Name? Sir_____
What is your Quest? For the Holy Grail
What is your Favorite Color? Green No Wait Blue AHHHH!!!!!!
What is your Quest? For the Holy Grail
What is your Favorite Color? Green No Wait Blue AHHHH!!!!!!
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