Post the NERDIEST joke you know!

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Syringer

Lifer
Aug 2, 2001
19,333
3
71
Basically, jokes that only people here would find funny. Here's mine:

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.
 
J

Jhill

Diamond Member
Oct 28, 2001
5,187
3
0
There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary.

Those who do and those who don't.
 
C

Comp625

Golden Member
Aug 25, 2000
1,216
0
0
To asians, dim sum is a traditional chinese cuisine.
To whites, dim sum means your calculator is running out of batteries.
 
Bignate603

Bignate603

Lifer
Sep 5, 2000
13,897
1
0
Heisenberg was driving in his car and gets pulled over by a policeman.

The policeman walks up to the car and says to Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am!"







Voltaire walks into a bar and a guy walks up to him and says "Hey, didn't I meet you the other day?"

Voltaire says "I don't think..." and he was gone!
 
yllus

yllus

Elite Member & Lifer
Aug 20, 2000
20,577
432
126
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The neutron asks how much?
The bartender replies, for you, no charge.......

--

An engineer and a mathematician are in an bar, trying to get up the nerve to hit on this cute girl.
They're pretty nervous so they decide to slowly approach her, by moving half the distance between them at each step.
So as they are walking up to her, the mathematician starts to get frustrated: "Ahhhh! I'm never going to get to her at this rate!"
The engineer replies, "True, but I'll get close enough for practical purposes."

--

An engineering student looks at something and asks, "How does it work?"
A science student looks at something and asks, "Why does it work?"
An arts student looks at something and asks, "Want fries with that?"
 
CubicZirconia

CubicZirconia

Diamond Member
Nov 24, 2001
5,193
0
71
Originally posted by: Bignate603
Heisenberg was driving in his car and gets pulled over by a policeman.

The policeman walks up to the car and says to Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am!"
Click to expand...

I love it.
 
P

PsychoAndy

Lifer
Dec 31, 2000
10,735
0
0
What do you call a mermaid's undergarment?

Algae-Bra!

What did the acorn say when he grew up?

Gee, I'm a tree!

What do you call the other mermaid's undergarment?

Algaebra too!

Why don't you consume alcohol while doing calculus?

Because you're not supposed to drink and deeeeerrive!

And there's the omnipresent "Pie aren't square, pie is round!" joke.
 
S

Syringer

Lifer
Aug 2, 2001
19,333
3
71
Originally posted by: PsychoAndy
What do you call a mermaid's undergarment?
Why don't you consume alcohol while doing calculus?

Because you're not supposed to drink and deeeeerrive!
Click to expand...

HAHA, I love that one :)

 
P

PCMarine

Diamond Member
Oct 13, 2002
3,277
0
0
Originally posted by: yllus
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The neutron asks how much?
The bartender replies, for you, no charge.......

--

An engineer and a mathematician are in an bar, trying to get up the nerve to hit on this cute girl.
They're pretty nervous so they decide to slowly approach her, by moving half the distance between them at each step.
So as they are walking up to her, the mathematician starts to get frustrated: "Ahhhh! I'm never going to get to her at this rate!"
The engineer replies, "True, but I'll get close enough for practical purposes."

--

An engineering student looks at something and asks, "How does it work?"
A science student looks at something and asks, "Why does it work?"
An arts student looks at something and asks, "Want fries with that?"
Click to expand...


Hahaha good ones :)
 
B

bentwookie

Golden Member
Aug 3, 2002
1,771
0
0
what does a rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
 
kranky

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,019
156
106
An IT guy is walking across the park when he sees a co-worker on a new bike and said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."

The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

 
M

MaxDSP

Lifer
May 15, 2001
10,056
0
71
Originally posted by: Syringer
Originally posted by: PsychoAndy
What do you call a mermaid's undergarment?
Why don't you consume alcohol while doing calculus?

Because you're not supposed to drink and deeeeerrive!
Click to expand...

HAHA, I love that one :)
Click to expand...

:D
 
Evadman

Evadman

Administrator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Feb 18, 2001
30,990
5
81
on packard bell IR remotes:

Packard Bell is out of business in the US. Most of its machines were caught, dealt with, and put down. However, what they don't tell you, and what they don't want you to know, is a small number of these machines escaped and have never been caught. I almost bagged one, its power cord was wrapped around some bushes in a small wooded area in back of the house. I grabbed for it, but it vanished into the night, its power cord dangling in my hand like a lizard's detached tail. It was then I noticed I had disturbed this particular machine from a nest containing at least six of these remotes, all beige in color. So collecting these remotes in the wild is the only means of procurement. Nests are abandoned readily (they never were GOOD computers) so people find plenty of these remotes, and sell them on ebay.
 
Koing

Koing

Elite Member <br> Super Moderator<br> Health and F
Oct 11, 2000
16,843
2
0
Originally posted by: kranky
An IT guy is walking across the park when he sees a co-worker on a new bike and said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,"Take what you want."

The first IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Click to expand...

 
B

busmaster11

Platinum Member
Mar 4, 2000
2,875
0
0
*paraphrased*

A doctor, a priest and a comp scientist went golfing one day... They were waitingin in line to get onto the green for a while so one of them asked the greenskeeper whats' taking so long, to which he replied, oh, there's a group of blind firefighters - they saved our clubhouse one year from a fire, and in the blaze they were blinded. So now we let them play for free...

The doctor said, "Oh my God, thats quite a story! I shall see if there's anything I can do to restore their sight!"

The priest said, "Yes! I shall say a prayer for them!"

The comp scientist said, "So why can't they play at night?"
 
H

HappyCracker

Senior member
Mar 10, 2001
939
5
81
Your Mom is so fat, if she was a c variable, her initialization would look like this:
yourMom = (TFAT*) malloc(sizeof(YOUR_MOM)); //Stack Overflow
 
H

Haircut

Platinum Member
Apr 23, 2000
2,248
0
0
Why wasn't Heisenberg any good at making love?

When he had the energy he didn't have the time, and when he had the time he just didn't have the energy.

Also I liked this joke
Q. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a rabbit?

A. |Turtle||Rabbit| sin x
Click to expand...
From the joke thread here
 
H

Hector13

Golden Member
Apr 4, 2000
1,694
0
0
An engineer and a mathematician are in an bar, trying to get up the nerve to hit on this cute girl.
They're pretty nervous so they decide to slowly approach her, by moving half the distance between them at each step.
So as they are walking up to her, the mathematician starts to get frustrated: "Ahhhh! I'm never going to get to her at this rate!"
The engineer replies, "True, but I'll get close enough for practical purposes."
Click to expand...

wouldn't the mathematician get there after an infitie number of moves?
 
B

bootymac

Diamond Member
Aug 20, 2001
9,597
0
76
What did the CPU say to the mother board?!?!?!?!?!

HI!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA :(
 
D

dethman

Lifer
Oct 12, 1999
10,263
3
76
Originally posted by: Bignate603
Heisenberg was driving in his car and gets pulled over by a policeman.

The policeman walks up to the car and says to Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am!"
Click to expand...

hahaha that one is great!

 
N

nd

Golden Member
Oct 9, 1999
1,690
0
0
Q: Why do geeks celebrate Christmas on Halloween?




A: Because Dec 25 == Oct 31
 
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