Post a funny story from your youth

[Bumrush99]

The age: 13
The objective: Obtain pornographic Hustler Magazines

So, the ripe age of 13 rolls around for me and suddenly I feel an intense desire to view porn, 7-8 times per day. A few kids in junior high were selling Hustler magazines for $20 bucks a pop ($20 at the age of 13 is the equivelent of $500 today). I came close to finalizing the purchase but got outbid by a rich kid

Anyways, there was an old used bookstore down the block that I used to frequent. A strange looking guy with large black glasses worked there, he must have been around 40 or something and obviously had no life outside of the bookstore. In the magazine section they had at least 100 used copies of Hustler on sale. Me and my friends would spend hours there, looking through every magazine. We hid them by inserting them in to legitmate magazines like Time and pretended that we were reading articles. Well this goes on for a couple of weeks and I finally decide that I have to take the next step. I must purchase these magazines and need a gameplan. I decide to write a letter that basically stated, "Please allow my son David to purchase 3 or 4 Hustler magazines. I am very ill at home and need him to pick up these magazines. Place them in a brown paper bag and do not tell him what they are". I then forged my fathers signature
So I go in to the store and hand the letter to the weirdo that worked there. The anticipation and fear were almost to hard to handle. He reads the letter and a smile creeps across his face. He asks me, "Why do you think your father would send you here to purchase the dirty magazines?" I act shocked and respond, " I can't believe he would look at those magazines".. He stares at me for another second and tells me to pick out three. I swear, the happiness that i felt at that moment may never be matched again. I ran to the aisle and already knew which three I wanted. I purchased the magazines and ran home, the happiest kid ever

 

[Kobota]

awesome

 

[PHiuR]

you musta just wanted to yell "w00t!"

 

[crab]

That's awesome!

 

[FleshLight]

So how were the articles?

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: PHiuR
you musta just wanted to yell "w00t!"

:laugh: ahhahahahhahahahha

 

[Martin]

Originally posted by: FleshLight
So how were the articles?

enlightening, as always.


I remember this circa 1997 dirty magazine, there is a "review" of some concept lambo. Anyway, there is an arrow pointing to the front hood and beside the arrow it says "big engine for fast speed" hahaha.

 

[bootymac]

That's an awesome story

 

[Bumrush99]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: PHiuR
you musta just wanted to yell "w00t!"

:laugh: ahhahahahhahahahha

LOL!! A dumb ass friend of mine forgot to hide them under the bed a few weeks later and my dad found them... He threw them away

 

[hemiram]

Ok, I was a Senior in HS, and I worked for my dad at his Army Surplus store across town and I have to cross over the river on this bridge. It's Sunday, and I worked from 9 till 5, and I'm coming over the bridge, and there's a giant wreck and the police are making everyone turn right, and that means I had to go through downtown to get home. Ok, I hadn't been down there for a while, and so I went a little different way than I had planned to go through. I turn the corner, and coming out the door of a hotel is one of my teachers, followed by a kid that was in the same class I was! He was carrying a big suitcase. I assumed the obvious, and slammed on the brakes! She sees me, her mouth drops open, and she says "Oh GOD!" The kid, sees me and drops the suitcase, and it BOUNCES, it's EMPTY! I start laughing, and then nail it. She chases me down the street..screaming.

Now, the best part. This teacher hated my guts. She embarrassed me, made fun of me, caught me daydreaming, etc, and we were openly hostile to each other in class. The next day, I walk past her room and she comes out and says "I need to talk to you, NOW!" I say, "Not now, I'm running late!", and keep going. After lunch, she tries to talk to me again, and I brush her off again, and laugh. My last class of the day is her class, and I walk in early, and there's nobody else in the room. She looks like crap, and is very shakey. She says, very nicely, "I need to talk to you..." and then some girl walks in and she has to shut up. Her "sweetie" comes into the room, and I think he was more shook up than she was. Was he embarassed about messing with a 45 year old pudgy, not very attractive old maid teacher, and afraid it might get out? Oh yeah. She was shook up thinking about all her teaching awards being trashed and losing her nice pension. The 55 minutes flies by, she's barely functioning, and is very nice to me, a total change from her normal hosility, and everyone in the classroom, but us three, is confused and wondering why she's so damn nice all of a sudden.

When the bell goes off, I sit there and let everyone leave. Her sweeties out the door, and her face gets the usual scowl on it that she has and hisses at me, "WHAT THE F*** ARE GOING TO DO TO ME!!!??" I sat there for a while, and stood up, laughed and walked out. The next day I started messing with her, I would make totally nonsensical comments about the kid she was screwing and whatever book we were reading, and he would cringe, and she would force a chuckle and say "Well, I don't think so...". I would sleep, and she would nicely wake me up. Before this, she would slam a book down on the desk, or blow a whistle in my ear. She corrected answers on tests, etc. She was truly miserable and if she saw me out in public and there was no one around, she would call me all kinds of names. I would just laugh at her, and that pissed her off even more.

About 15 years later, my firend's dad dies, and she's sitting there in one of the front rows, smiling and talking to everyone. She sees me, smiles for an instant, and then makes a face like I stink or something. She glares at me, and my friend sees it and laughs, I had told him, and I think he thought I was BSing him until he saw her face. He comes over and starts talking to both of us, and she pretended that she liked me, but it was pretty obvious she hated my guts, to put it mildly. I saw her about once a year after that, at the grocery store, or getting gas, etc, and she always snarled, "You BASTARD!", and took off.

When the same friend's uncle died, there she was again. She grabbed me in one of the hallways and dug her nails into my wrist and says, whispering, "I hate you! You punk! I wish you were DEAD!" , and then she gets away. I sat there during the entire funeral, thinking how I could get her one last time, and it comes to me. I look for her car, she ALWAYS bought green Buicks for some reason, and I found it quickly. I go out in front of her, and when she gets to her car (It's really close the door we came out) I give her this big hug and say, loudly, "HI Miss *****, it's really good to see you!" She flips her lid, and starts hitting me, saying "Get your hands off me, you rotten bastard!" I wrestled drunks for three years and won't let her go, she has totally lost it at this point and is crying and I let her go. She gets into her car, screaming full blast all kind of names at me, and hauls ass out of the parking lot. Everyone is kind of stunned, and I just say, "Well, she always hated my guts, I guess nothings changed, but I TRIED TO BE NICE!"

The last time I saw her, about a year ago, she was in a restaurant, eating with some other woman. I sit down in the booth next to theirs, and she doesn't see me. Yet. I order, and she still doesn't realize I'm there. Her food comes and just as the waiter is putting down the last plates, she sees me. I say, "HI *******!" She looks like she's gonna puke. Her friend asks "Who is he?" And she answers, "He's a POS I had as a student almost 30 years ago!" I finally had to zing her back. I said, pretty loudly, "How's **** these days, are you stilll dating guys under 18, or have you moved up to college students in your old age?? What are you, 70 something now? (Actually, she was about 75, and looks amazingly good for her age, but her parents both lived to 100+) She throws a fork at me, gets up and runs, not walks, runs out the door, crying. Her friend looks at me, and I just say, "Ask her what that was all about, it's a great story!!"

That was two years ago, I missed her by a minute a while back, my friend had just sold her some jewelry, and had to fight the urge to laugh the entire time. It's the same friend from the funerals above. And yes, she did ask about me! She had pulled out of the spot I parked in. She had, what else, a green Buick.

I know I'm gonna see her again. I hope it's someplace we can really talk...it should be a lot of laughs..

 

[Hyperblaze]

Originally posted by: hemiram
Ok, I was a Senior in HS, and I worked for my dad at his Army Surplus store across town and I have to cross over the river on this bridge. It's Sunday, and I worked from 9 till 5, and I'm coming over the bridge, and there's a giant wreck and the police are making everyone turn right, and that means I had to go through downtown to get home. Ok, I hadn't been down there for a while, and so I went a little different way than I had planned to go through. I turn the corner, and coming out the door of a hotel is one of my teachers, followed by a kid that was in the same class I was! He was carrying a big suitcase. I assumed the obvious, and slammed on the brakes! She sees me, her mouth drops open, and she says "Oh GOD!" The kid, sees me and drops the suitcase, and it BOUNCES, it's EMPTY! I start laughing, and then nail it. She chases me down the street..screaming.

Now, the best part. This teacher hated my guts. She embarrassed me, made fun of me, caught me daydreaming, etc, and we were openly hostile to each other in class. The next day, I walk past her room and she comes out and says "I need to talk to you, NOW!" I say, "Not now, I'm running late!", and keep going. After lunch, she tries to talk to me again, and I brush her off again, and laugh. My last class of the day is her class, and I walk in early, and there's nobody else in the room. She looks like crap, and is very shakey. She says, very nicely, "I need to talk to you..." and then some girl walks in and she has to shut up. Her "sweetie" comes into the room, and I think he was more shook up than she was. Was he embarassed about messing with a 45 year old pudgy, not very attractive old maid teacher, and afraid it might get out? Oh yeah. She was shook up thinking about all her teaching awards being trashed and losing her nice pension. The 55 minutes flies by, she's barely functioning, and is very nice to me, a total change from her normal hosility, and everyone in the classroom, but us three, is confused and wondering why she's so damn nice all of a sudden.

When the bell goes off, I sit there and let everyone leave. Her sweeties out the door, and her face gets the usual scowl on it that she has and hisses at me, "WHAT THE F*** ARE GOING TO DO TO ME!!!??" I sat there for a while, and stood up, laughed and walked out. The next day I started messing with her, I would make totally nonsensical comments about the kid she was screwing and whatever book we were reading, and he would cringe, and she would force a chuckle and say "Well, I don't think so...". I would sleep, and she would nicely wake me up. Before this, she would slam a book down on the desk, or blow a whistle in my ear. She corrected answers on tests, etc. She was truly miserable and if she saw me out in public and there was no one around, she would call me all kinds of names. I would just laugh at her, and that pissed her off even more.

About 15 years later, my firend's dad dies, and she's sitting there in one of the front rows, smiling and talking to everyone. She sees me, smiles for an instant, and then makes a face like I stink or something. She glares at me, and my friend sees it and laughs, I had told him, and I think he thought I was BSing him until he saw her face. He comes over and starts talking to both of us, and she pretended that she liked me, but it was pretty obvious she hated my guts, to put it mildly. I saw her about once a year after that, at the grocery store, or getting gas, etc, and she always snarled, "You BASTARD!", and took off.

When the same friend's uncle died, there she was again. She grabbed me in one of the hallways and dug her nails into my wrist and says, whispering, "I hate you! You punk! I wish you were DEAD!" , and then she gets away. I sat there during the entire funeral, thinking how I could get her one last time, and it comes to me. I look for her car, she ALWAYS bought green Buicks for some reason, and I found it quickly. I go out in front of her, and when she gets to her car (It's really close the door we came out) I give her this big hug and say, loudly, "HI Miss *****, it's really good to see you!" She flips her lid, and starts hitting me, saying "Get your hands off me, you rotten bastard!" I wrestled drunks for three years and won't let her go, she has totally lost it at this point and is crying and I let her go. She gets into her car, screaming full blast all kind of names at me, and hauls ass out of the parking lot. Everyone is kind of stunned, and I just say, "Well, she always hated my guts, I guess nothings changed, but I TRIED TO BE NICE!"

The last time I saw her, about a year ago, she was in a restaurant, eating with some other woman. I sit down in the booth next to theirs, and she doesn't see me. Yet. I order, and she still doesn't realize I'm there. Her food comes and just as the waiter is putting down the last plates, she sees me. I say, "HI *******!" She looks like she's gonna puke. Her friend asks "Who is he?" And she answers, "He's a POS I had as a student almost 30 years ago!" I finally had to zing her back. I said, pretty loudly, "How's **** these days, are you stilll dating guys under 18, or have you moved up to college students in your old age?? What are you, 70 something now? (Actually, she was about 75, and looks amazingly good for her age, but her parents both lived to 100+) She throws a fork at me, gets up and runs, not walks, runs out the door, crying. Her friend looks at me, and I just say, "Ask her what that was all about, it's a great story!!"

That was two years ago, I missed her by a minute a while back, my friend had just sold her some jewelry, and had to fight the urge to laugh the entire time. It's the same friend from the funerals above. And yes, she did ask about me! She had pulled out of the spot I parked in. She had, what else, a green Buick.

I know I'm gonna see her again. I hope it's someplace we can really talk...it should be a lot of laughs..

thanks for the entertaining story. fun to read!

 

[vshah]

good stuff

 

[franksta]

Originally posted by: Hyperblaze
thanks for the entertaining story. fun to read!

And thanks to you for quoting the whole thing.

And my story:
My brother and I were about 13 or 14 and spending the weekend at a friend's parent's house on the lake. We had good times hiking around the area, fishing, and swimming. Well one day we went out in a small fishing boat with a trolling motor. We were huge into reptiles and frogs so we were always on the lookout for them. Well we spotted a turtle in some shallow water, maybe only 18" deep or so. So there we were sitting in the boat trying to decide what to do. Making plans for the tank we would keep it in, what to feed it, etc. Then somebody is finally selected to grab it out of the water. We must have argued for a solid 10 minutes before somebody finally caved and volunteered to do it. They reached down, grabbed it, pulled it out of the water, and we were all staring at an OD green army helmet.

 

[kranky]

Outstanding stories from the OP and hemiram! Hilarious! Not sure what I was going to post will even be in the same league as those two.

 

[Aharami]

haha...good one. i remember doing that also back in the days.

 

[huesmann]

Originally posted by: PHiuR
you musta just wanted to yell "w00t!"

Except "w00t" wasn't in fashion then, no doubt!

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Bumrush99
The age: 13
The objective: Obtain pornographic Hustler Magazines

So, the ripe age of 13 rolls around for me and suddenly I feel an intense desire to view porn, 7-8 times per day. A few kids in junior high were selling Hustler magazines for $20 bucks a pop ($20 at the age of 13 is the equivelent of $500 today). I came close to finalizing the purchase but got outbid by a rich kid

Anyways, there was an old used bookstore down the block that I used to frequent. A strange looking guy with large black glasses worked there, he must have been around 40 or something and obviously had no life outside of the bookstore. In the magazine section they had at least 100 used copies of Hustler on sale. Me and my friends would spend hours there, looking through every magazine. We hid them by inserting them in to legitmate magazines like Time and pretended that we were reading articles. Well this goes on for a couple of weeks and I finally decide that I have to take the next step. I must purchase these magazines and need a gameplan. I decide to write a letter that basically stated, "Please allow my son David to purchase 3 or 4 Hustler magazines. I am very ill at home and need him to pick up these magazines. Place them in a brown paper bag and do not tell him what they are". I then forged my fathers signature
So I go in to the store and hand the letter to the weirdo that worked there. The anticipation and fear were almost to hard to handle. He reads the letter and a smile creeps across his face. He asks me, "Why do you think your father would send you here to purchase the dirty magazines?" I act shocked and respond, " I can't believe he would look at those magazines".. He stares at me for another second and tells me to pick out three. I swear, the happiness that i felt at that moment may never be matched again. I ran to the aisle and already knew which three I wanted. I purchased the magazines and ran home, the happiest kid ever

He was probably just happy you didn't steal them. Thats what most kids do.

 

[Bumrush99]

Originally posted by: hemiram
q]

Great, great!!! Keep em coming!!

 

[Jpark]

My mom told me a story from when I was a little (guessing 3-4 years old). I couldn't pronounce the S sound in words, so I would give it a D sound. She said one day I came in the house yelling that I broke my dick (I had a broken stick in my hand), she said she looked at me funny and said it will be alright you can find a new one.

I don't remember it but I found it pretty amusing.

 

[Pepsei]

when i was little, back when I was in 4-5th grades or so, i was the leader of this gang of thugs who would go around stealing stuff.

we would break aluminum windows, and sell the frame for quick cash. at first we'd just pick up used empty cans for money, but we figure it's faster to get a large amount of alumninum from windows.

Since this was in Taiwan, I never ran out of windows to break. I stopped when I was caught by my dad. I breaked into his friends building and destroyed some very expensive lights just for the metal to sell.

glad I got the worst whipping ever with the leather belt. I don't do that any more.

 

[ggnl]

I have a pretty similar story

Freshman year of highschool, we were getting drunk at my friend's house one weekend. At some point in our drunkenness we decided we needed some pr0n, so we came up with a very daring plan.

We went to the local convenience store and just sorta camped out until the clerk, an elderly lady, went outside to check the gas levels in the storage tanks. One of us went to distract the clerk by striking up a friendly conversation, while the other three of us went in the store. As soon as she turned her back on us we stuffed our pants full of mags and exited the store.

Our friend continued the conversation until she went inside at which point he bought a drink and left. The poor old lady never suspected a thing. I didn't really realize how lucky we were to get away with it until I had sobered up the next morning.

 

[slightlyhuman]

The age: 17
The objective: tag schedule manager
status: complete

 

[meltdown75]

alright. quick one before lunch.

i was home sick from school one day in grade 2. in the afternoon however, i was feeling well enough to go outside. i was playing around in a drainage ditch in our field and noticed some worms sticking out of the mud. for some reason i decided to pluck them out of their juicy little holes and put them in an empty margarine container.

the next day, i brought the margarine container to school with me. the hallways of the school were lined with hooks and shelving units for the students to keep their boots and coats (no muddy boots allowed in classrooms, etc). i don't know why i did this, but i decided to ask for a bathroom break midway through the morning. i walked to where my coat & boots were kept and retrieved my container full of worms. i then proceeded to randomly insert worms into several boots.

needless to say when recess came around, there were some unsavoury discoveries in a few select boots. one way or another, my teacher found out it was me that had planted the worms and the principal whaled away on my outstretched hand with "the strap" for a while as punishment.

moral: don't put worms in people's boots.

 

[Bumrush99]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
alright. quick one before lunch.

i was home sick from school one day in grade 2. in the afternoon however, i was feeling well enough to go outside. i was playing around in a drainage ditch in our field and noticed some worms sticking out of the mud. for some reason i decided to pluck them out of their juicy little holes and put them in an empty margarine container.

the next day, i brought the margarine container to school with me. the hallways of the school were lined with hooks and shelving units for the students to keep their boots and coats (no muddy boots allowed in classrooms, etc). i don't know why i did this, but i decided to ask for a bathroom break midway through the morning. i walked to where my coat & boots were kept and retrieved my container full of worms. i then proceeded to randomly insert worms into several boots.

needless to say when recess came around, there were some unsavoury discoveries in a few select boots. one way or another, my teacher found out it was me that had planted the worms and the principal whaled away on my outstretched hand with "the strap" for a while as punishment.

moral: don't put worms in people's boots.

New security measures in schools today would have you suspended for a month for terrorist acts against animals!

 

[Blieb]

So whatcha gonna do this week?