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Possible to have relationship with best friend?

S

SuperGroove

Diamond Member
Is it possible to have a relationship with your best friend, if you've told her you like them and they don't reciprocate?

The thought of even maintaining a regular friendship seems difficult. The awkwardness of knowing that she doesn't like me as well as I like her. It shouldn't come in the way of a true friendship, but i've tried in the past to be more than just friends on several occassions. As I mature, the situations become less sticky, and the effort of maintaining friendships with girls I've invested more advanced feelings in, with no mutual feelings, is easier. I don't automatically disfriend a friend if she doesn't like me like that, like I did when I was in high school.

Tonight I told my best friend Christina that I liked her. She had nothing to say...at all, other than "I don't know what to say".

I guess I could talk to her more about it, but I don't want to press. I want things to be like the way they used to be. before I liked her. That will most likely never happen, as I was very physical(playful, as opposed to sexual) with her.

Could I have just pissed away a potential life long friend? Damaged our friendship?

gah🙁
 
I think you have to make sure you are not just horny and that you actually like her.
Too many times have friendship between male and female ruined because the guy felt horny that certain day.
 
Originally posted by: UncleWai
I think you have to make sure you are not just horny and that you actually like her.
Too many times have friendship between male and female ruined because the guy felt horny that certain day.
Click to expand...

hahaha so true.

too bad we don't have those flashy thingies from MIB
 
isn't your g/f or b/f suppose to be your best friend...?

My g/f and I were friends for about 5 years and then things just started to progress and we got closer and closer, then decided to start dating. I dunno, just sounds obvious that you want your g/f to be your best friend.
 
IMO, Best to move on. She'll find herself a man and when that gets serious your friendship will begin to fade away. (It's very awkward to have a opposite sex bestfriend, spend any amount of time together, and having a spouse think that it's perfectly harmless.) This is not impossible, but, it's generally a lot of trouble and doesn't work out often.

 
Originally posted by: UncleWai
I think you have to make sure you are not just horny and that you actually like her.
Too many times have friendship between male and female ruined because the guy felt horny that certain day.
Click to expand...

and he hits the nail on the head. 😉
 
Sure you can, but it will make you miserable until you can't stand it anymore and you just forget it. i have seen it happen...not a pretty sight.
 
Originally posted by: SuperGroove
Is it possible to have a relationship with your best friend, if you've told her you like them and they don't reciprocate?

The thought of even maintaining a regular friendship seems difficult. The awkwardness of knowing that she doesn't like me as well as I like her. It shouldn't come in the way of a true friendship, but i've tried in the past to be more than just friends on several occassions. As I mature, the situations become less sticky, and the effort of maintaining friendships with girls I've invested more advanced feelings in, with no mutual feelings, is easier. I don't automatically disfriend a friend if she doesn't like me like that, like I did when I was in high school.

Tonight I told my best friend Christina that I liked her. She had nothing to say...at all, other than "I don't know what to say".

I guess I could talk to her more about it, but I don't want to press. I want things to be like the way they used to be. before I liked her. That will most likely never happen, as I was very physical(playful, as opposed to sexual) with her.

Could I have just pissed away a potential life long friend? Damaged our friendship?

gah🙁
Click to expand...

You answered your own question in your first sentance.

If she does not return the feelings, there is no chance. Period. Nomatter how much you think you can, you cannot convince her to love you. That's just the way it is.

I learned this the hard way.. 😛

However.. I don't see why your friendship has to be ruined. Just forget about it and go on like normal. If you've liked her for a while, she probably at least had some idea, or wondered.
 
Originally posted by: UncleWai
I think you have to make sure you are not just horny and that you actually like her.
Too many times have friendship between male and female ruined because the guy felt horny that certain day.
Click to expand...
True 😀

 
Essentially no. If two people are friends and one wants to bang the other but the feeling is not reciprocated it will cause long lasting friction which will eventually turn into a fire. Don't bother. It's a pipe dream and a waste of your time. It will leave you emotionally drained, scarred, and angry.

I should also add that if you're like most guys you won't heed this advice and you'll try to proove the theory wrong. But the problem is it's not a theory, it's a law. So you'll make the same mistake many others have made because advice is never followed in this arena. Oh well 🙁
 
I heard a story about a guy who had a lady friend. He told her he liked her and, well, she didn't reciprocate.

He kept being her friend.

She still didn't like him.

Two years later, she married him.

My parents have been married for ~25 years, and they've got the best marriage I've *ever* seen. Bar none. It can happen... don't shun a relationship just because you've got an awkward moment.

SKoorb: Theory. Not law.
 
Originally posted by: Yzzim
isn't your g/f or b/f suppose to be your best friend...?

My g/f and I were friends for about 5 years and then things just started to progress and we got closer and closer, then decided to start dating. I dunno, just sounds obvious that you want your g/f to be your best friend.
Click to expand...

Same here, My current g/f used to help me through relationships. Then we got closer and closer-
we were best friends for 3 years before getting serious, now been dating for like 5+ years. Best decision of my life.

Later
 
Originally posted by: xirtam
I heard a story about a guy who had a lady friend. He told her he liked her and, well, she didn't reciprocate.

He kept being her friend.

She still didn't like him.

Two years later, she married him.

My parents have been married for ~25 years, and they've got the best marriage I've *ever* seen. Bar none. It can happen... don't shun a relationship just because you've got an awkward moment.

SKoorb: Theory. Not law.
Click to expand...
OK it's a theory, but for 9 guys out of 10 all it's going to do is cause them anguish and heartache.
 
It certainly doesn't have to ruin the friendship. It will make things a little bit awkward for a while. How long have you had these feelings for your friend? Are you sure that it isn't just infatuation? Take it easy for a little while. See if the feelings dont' go away. Good luck.

I can't believe I just posted in YAGT. My life is over.
 
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: xirtam
I heard a story about a guy who had a lady friend. He told her he liked her and, well, she didn't reciprocate.

He kept being her friend.

She still didn't like him.

Two years later, she married him.

My parents have been married for ~25 years, and they've got the best marriage I've *ever* seen. Bar none. It can happen... don't shun a relationship just because you've got an awkward moment.

SKoorb: Theory. Not law.
Click to expand...
OK it's a theory, but for 9 guys out of 10 all it's going to do is cause them anguish and heartache.
Click to expand...


9 guys out of 10? I'd say its more like 95 guys out of 100!

If you meant by relationship as in girlfriend boyfriend relationship then it can work. People change, she 'may' change in the future or not. But if you mean relationship as friendship then it can only work if you can supress your stronger feelings for her. You want to be more then friends with her and if she doesn't want that then you are SOL.

btw did you get any clues that she liked you *more then just friends* type of way before you told her? Well anyway you took the risked and asked her so at least you don't mull over the idea of asking her or not for weeks, months and possibly never asking her.
 
Originally posted by: Skoorb
Originally posted by: xirtam
I heard a story about a guy who had a lady friend. He told her he liked her and, well, she didn't reciprocate.

He kept being her friend.

She still didn't like him.

Two years later, she married him.

My parents have been married for ~25 years, and they've got the best marriage I've *ever* seen. Bar none. It can happen... don't shun a relationship just because you've got an awkward moment.

SKoorb: Theory. Not law.
Click to expand...
OK it's a theory, but for 9 guys out of 10 all it's going to do is cause them anguish and heartache.
Click to expand...

i agree with skoorb, but don't fret. it worked out for me and my wife. we were best friends for a long time(6 years). but it was a very, *very* rocky 6 years. there was a lot of anguish and heartache and mostly only for me. there were long periods when we wouldn't speak to each other. on numerous occasions i had told her that she was "the one" and she never reciprocated, but she valued our friendship so much that she continued to be my friend even with such a tension causing stigma. the ironic thing is that when i finally decided i had to move on because i couldn't keep holding on to something that ostensibly would never happen, that's when we started dating. a little over a year later we were married and now we're expecting a little blackdogdeek(or deekette).

so i'd say it's possible, but it's not easy. and there are many things you can miss out on while you stick around waiting. but if it does happen, it's the greatest thing in the world.
 
I feel like chit today.

if I could ditch these feelings, I would. I am the average guy and I tried to pursue something I knew wouldn't be possible.

Right when I was getting out of a relationship this time last year, she was there for me like no other friend was. I think I got confused eventually, and started growing feelings for her. She's not my ideal girl, but I made her out to be. I complain about her all the time, yet I was lonely and thus I grew feelings for her.

At this point, I don't know if my feelings for her are genuine like that. I just want her to be happy, but she was always happy at the cost of my happiness. I don't want to say something brash like that. We've a lopsided relationship. She's mean, and I'm not. Pain rules😛

It's also Spring. It's nature's time for every species to mate. Why am I to be exempt😛😀
 
Originally posted by: Yzzim
isn't your g/f or b/f suppose to be your best friend...?

My g/f and I were friends for about 5 years and then things just started to progress and we got closer and closer, then decided to start dating. I dunno, just sounds obvious that you want your g/f to be your best friend.
Click to expand...

exactly, only replace "5" with 2.
 
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