Success!
Took some work, but it's done.
I piggybacked my old PII 300 processor into the main circuitry of the microwave. I patched a small bypass system, through the processor, to an external FireWire port I added to the microwave. Total time, 3 minutes.
My theory was, if I could get the internal components of the hard drive to reach the exact temperature of FireWire, 1394 degrees Farenheit, then theoretically the data on the drive would be expedited by microvial osmosis to the external FireWire port I had fashioned. On the other end of this port sits my 5 GB FireFly drive, ready to accept the data payload.