I recently took part in an interesting debate concerning spanking. What do you all think? Im rather undecided.
POLL: Spank your children: Yay or Nay?
- Thread starter phatj
- Start date
- Nov 27, 1999
- 65,204
- 400
- 126
When they're too young to understand anything else. When they're older, spanking would be a last resort.
AreaCode707
Lifer
- Sep 21, 2001
- 18,447
- 133
- 106
I had two younger sisters (12 years younger) and I can say that if they were not spanked for direct defiance (and only direct defiance and situations involving physical danger to them, never for mistakes or reasonable young-child stuff) they would be hideously uncontrollable brats right now. One in particular had a very strong-willed, self-focused personality from the beginning (the other, her twin, was much more laid back) and would look you straight in the eye and do exactly what you told her not to do. She broke her first window at about two years old. She's a sweet 8 year old now, thanks to moderate discipline.
From last post:
COOL! That's a great way to raise your children!
But seriously, I was spanked when I was younger and I knew never again to do that certain thing I did. It's a good wakeup call for the kids, they need to listen to their parents.
COOL! That's a great way to raise your children!
But seriously, I was spanked when I was younger and I knew never again to do that certain thing I did. It's a good wakeup call for the kids, they need to listen to their parents.
MustangSVT
Lifer
- Oct 7, 2000
- 11,554
- 12
- 81
Young kids can benefit from the odd swat when they get out of line, no question. Nothing so severe that it might be considered beating, but a good wack now and again can certainly set them straight. Lord knows there are enough undisciplined brats and useless parents out there now.
what do you think is a more effective punishment?
A) Some kid with a sore butt and a growing resentment towards you?
OR
B) Some kid waking up with a black eye wondering what the fsck just happened?
A) Some kid with a sore butt and a growing resentment towards you?
OR
B) Some kid waking up with a black eye wondering what the fsck just happened?
MustangSVT
Lifer
- Oct 7, 2000
- 11,554
- 12
- 81
I'm 17 years old, and my parents did not spank me as a child (my mom doesn?t believe in spanking). I am 8th in my class, I've never been in a fight, I'm understanding, respectful, hard-working, I have a perfect driving record (I actually make an effort to drive safely and follow rules, unlike many of my peers), I have great respect for my parents, neighbors, teachers, and others, and my friends are equally well-behaved. My younger sister is of similar nature. We haven?t had things perfect. My parents got divorced when I was in 1st grade and my mom struggled to raise us for the first few years (making $13k the first year ;( and barely $30k after that). My dad is a bipolar alcoholic and his life after the divorce has been incredibly tragic?without going into extensive detail, he spent a few months literally living on the streets a few years ago.
Maybe the reason I have turned out alright and strive to be a good person is merely my personality. It could very well have nothing to do with my mother choosing to not spank me. But perhaps this shows that spanking isn?t needed? I think that the mind of a person is a great factor in how they will turn out. The way a child is raised will indeed be factor on how they behave and act later in life, but I don?t see how parenting could have full control over the result of a person?s behavior. My mother is a very lenient parent. She has no problem with me staying out as late as I want as long as I let her know where I?m at. She won?t be mad if I get home a little later than I tell her I expect to be home. She won?t stop me from going anywhere. She won?t force me to go to church or believe in what she believes. Basically, she lets me govern myself. She makes a point to tell me what a parent should tell their child, her personal viewpoint on situations, and will help me with whatever she possibly could. But still ? I am free to make my own choices. She allows this because her belief is that stopping a child from doing something will inevitably cause them to be mischievous and do it anyway. I have to agree. I decide what?s right and what?s wrong. I come home when I should, I don?t get into trouble, I take care of homework and responsibilities I have, and I decide when and where I should be. I?m sure my mom wouldn?t be happy with me if I acted up, but she wouldn?t change anything. It would be my fault I screwed something up. I?d realize that and never do it again.
My best friend, who is currently our class valedictorian, also has a mother with the same idea. He is known not only for his great intelligence, but his very caring personality. He has saved a few lives (suicidal peers) and makes a great impact on people who need help with their problems. He would never do anything wrong ? he?s the closest to the ?perfect? person I?ve ever known. Like everyone, he has flaws, but he?s the kind of person you can?t help but respect. I don?t believe his mother ever spanked him either. Here?s the twist: His mother is a really nice person, but she encourages sex, and cusses often and probably wouldn?t think a thing if my friend started drinking or smoking. His step dad is a fairly lazy person. He?s usually watching TV, gaming, or sleeping when he isn?t working. We (him and our other friends) really like these parents?we find them fairly entertaining!
Now wouldn?t you expect this kid to be a slacker and get into trouble with this kind of upbringing? This brings me back to my question: How much of an effect parenting is on the outcome of a child?s attitude and behavior?
From this, it seems to me that one of the greatest influences in outcome of a child?s behavior is simply the child itself! It appears that the personality of a child will remain as constant as it can. So how can disciplining a child change anything? It will only instill fear in the child. What good is that? Yeah, it?ll probably keep the child from doing whatever they did, but only because you don?t want them to. My mother was the daughter of a preacher. As you?d expect, her parents REALLY insisted that she was a ?good? child. They made her go to church. Her dad spanked her. Guess what happened when she went to college? She turned into a very rebellious person. She was sick of being good! She didn?t go to church for 15 years. She was religious, but she couldn?t stand her parents views. She?d calmed down by the time she had kids, but it?s amazing how much she hated restrictions.
My girlfriend is another good example of the result of discipline and parenting. She has a strong will to be good and make people happy. She?s smart and was 4th in our class last year. However, she despises her parents. She sometimes cries and questions the point of being alive because she is so unhappy with the restrictions and standards they have set for her. She isn?t allowed to go anywhere more than 4 days a week, she gets in trouble for saying ?crap?, she is expected to get A?s on EVERYTHING (not just overall class grades), she MUST go to church with her family every Sunday (no choice of religion), she has lots of chores ? more than any of her friends and I seem she should be doing, and her father will go nuts if she forgets to do anything or messes anything up. Her parents are also dictators about curfews. For example, she often has to be home by 9:00pm on weekdays. If she gets stuck in traffic and arrives at home at 9:01pm, they will have a fit. She might get banned from going anywhere until further notice. She was spanked as a child, and in the past couple years her father has decided to slap her a couple times.
When she isn?t at home, she does what she wants and thinks the way she chooses. If her parents knew the things she said and the way she acted (which is nothing bad btw), her parents would probably ground her for an extended period of time.
So, at home she?s been forced to do what her parents want and be perfect. The result: She became suicidal and her emotions were really #@$%?ed up. My best friend is the only reason she?s alive. He and I got her some help and now she?s alright. She was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Her parents tell her to ?snap out of it!? when she?s unhappy. They don?t get it. The shrinks even told them to relax things. They haven?t. I have her depression is a caused by them. Her parents are nice people and have plenty of money, but they are dictators.
That certainly confuses things, doesn?t it? Parenting has an effect, but I see the same thing happening to my girlfriend that happened to my mom. As soon as she graduates, I am almost positive she?ll be rebellious and do whatever she wants. She?s even said so herself before. Not good.
I know I?ve just rambled on and on. I?ve been thinking and writing for well over an hour and a half. My overall thinking is that spanking is probably not a good idea. I?m in the minority, but that?s how it appears from my position. If anyone actually reads all of this, I?m sure there?s going to be someone who has an equally intense counter-opinion. Let me hear it!
Rather than spanking, is it not possible to communicate? Make a child understand their error will make them never do it again. As they get older, letting them make their own choices will have the same effect. If they make an error, they?re gonna know it, and they won?t do it again. Go ahead and talk with them if you don?t think they understand. Not everyone thinks clearly. But I wouldn?t place limits.
If a child doesn?t understand their error and is too young for you to explain, then do something other than verbal abuse and physical abuse. Trust me, it?s possible. I know that my sister and I weren?t perfect. We were normal kids?so how did my parents raise us without ever spanking or yelling??
Maybe the reason I have turned out alright and strive to be a good person is merely my personality. It could very well have nothing to do with my mother choosing to not spank me. But perhaps this shows that spanking isn?t needed? I think that the mind of a person is a great factor in how they will turn out. The way a child is raised will indeed be factor on how they behave and act later in life, but I don?t see how parenting could have full control over the result of a person?s behavior. My mother is a very lenient parent. She has no problem with me staying out as late as I want as long as I let her know where I?m at. She won?t be mad if I get home a little later than I tell her I expect to be home. She won?t stop me from going anywhere. She won?t force me to go to church or believe in what she believes. Basically, she lets me govern myself. She makes a point to tell me what a parent should tell their child, her personal viewpoint on situations, and will help me with whatever she possibly could. But still ? I am free to make my own choices. She allows this because her belief is that stopping a child from doing something will inevitably cause them to be mischievous and do it anyway. I have to agree. I decide what?s right and what?s wrong. I come home when I should, I don?t get into trouble, I take care of homework and responsibilities I have, and I decide when and where I should be. I?m sure my mom wouldn?t be happy with me if I acted up, but she wouldn?t change anything. It would be my fault I screwed something up. I?d realize that and never do it again.
My best friend, who is currently our class valedictorian, also has a mother with the same idea. He is known not only for his great intelligence, but his very caring personality. He has saved a few lives (suicidal peers) and makes a great impact on people who need help with their problems. He would never do anything wrong ? he?s the closest to the ?perfect? person I?ve ever known. Like everyone, he has flaws, but he?s the kind of person you can?t help but respect. I don?t believe his mother ever spanked him either. Here?s the twist: His mother is a really nice person, but she encourages sex, and cusses often and probably wouldn?t think a thing if my friend started drinking or smoking. His step dad is a fairly lazy person. He?s usually watching TV, gaming, or sleeping when he isn?t working. We (him and our other friends) really like these parents?we find them fairly entertaining!
Now wouldn?t you expect this kid to be a slacker and get into trouble with this kind of upbringing? This brings me back to my question: How much of an effect parenting is on the outcome of a child?s attitude and behavior?
From this, it seems to me that one of the greatest influences in outcome of a child?s behavior is simply the child itself! It appears that the personality of a child will remain as constant as it can. So how can disciplining a child change anything? It will only instill fear in the child. What good is that? Yeah, it?ll probably keep the child from doing whatever they did, but only because you don?t want them to. My mother was the daughter of a preacher. As you?d expect, her parents REALLY insisted that she was a ?good? child. They made her go to church. Her dad spanked her. Guess what happened when she went to college? She turned into a very rebellious person. She was sick of being good! She didn?t go to church for 15 years. She was religious, but she couldn?t stand her parents views. She?d calmed down by the time she had kids, but it?s amazing how much she hated restrictions.
My girlfriend is another good example of the result of discipline and parenting. She has a strong will to be good and make people happy. She?s smart and was 4th in our class last year. However, she despises her parents. She sometimes cries and questions the point of being alive because she is so unhappy with the restrictions and standards they have set for her. She isn?t allowed to go anywhere more than 4 days a week, she gets in trouble for saying ?crap?, she is expected to get A?s on EVERYTHING (not just overall class grades), she MUST go to church with her family every Sunday (no choice of religion), she has lots of chores ? more than any of her friends and I seem she should be doing, and her father will go nuts if she forgets to do anything or messes anything up. Her parents are also dictators about curfews. For example, she often has to be home by 9:00pm on weekdays. If she gets stuck in traffic and arrives at home at 9:01pm, they will have a fit. She might get banned from going anywhere until further notice. She was spanked as a child, and in the past couple years her father has decided to slap her a couple times.
When she isn?t at home, she does what she wants and thinks the way she chooses. If her parents knew the things she said and the way she acted (which is nothing bad btw), her parents would probably ground her for an extended period of time.
So, at home she?s been forced to do what her parents want and be perfect. The result: She became suicidal and her emotions were really #@$%?ed up. My best friend is the only reason she?s alive. He and I got her some help and now she?s alright. She was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Her parents tell her to ?snap out of it!? when she?s unhappy. They don?t get it. The shrinks even told them to relax things. They haven?t. I have her depression is a caused by them. Her parents are nice people and have plenty of money, but they are dictators.
That certainly confuses things, doesn?t it? Parenting has an effect, but I see the same thing happening to my girlfriend that happened to my mom. As soon as she graduates, I am almost positive she?ll be rebellious and do whatever she wants. She?s even said so herself before. Not good.
I know I?ve just rambled on and on. I?ve been thinking and writing for well over an hour and a half. My overall thinking is that spanking is probably not a good idea. I?m in the minority, but that?s how it appears from my position. If anyone actually reads all of this, I?m sure there?s going to be someone who has an equally intense counter-opinion. Let me hear it!
Rather than spanking, is it not possible to communicate? Make a child understand their error will make them never do it again. As they get older, letting them make their own choices will have the same effect. If they make an error, they?re gonna know it, and they won?t do it again. Go ahead and talk with them if you don?t think they understand. Not everyone thinks clearly. But I wouldn?t place limits.
If a child doesn?t understand their error and is too young for you to explain, then do something other than verbal abuse and physical abuse. Trust me, it?s possible. I know that my sister and I weren?t perfect. We were normal kids?so how did my parents raise us without ever spanking or yelling??
MartyMcFly3
Lifer
Using your hand to spank is so outdated now... We have to upgrade to like a bamboo cane or something. Teach these kids discipline.
Seriously though, Im in favor of spanking but not the kind that will leave black and blue marks for a week.
Seriously though, Im in favor of spanking but not the kind that will leave black and blue marks for a week.
MartyMcFly3
Lifer
Not every one will react the way you did, some children will respect nothing but corporal punishment, or wont even allow for more verbal punishments unless the honest threat of corporal punishment exists.
It's my opinion that the parents are the best ones to make this judgment call.
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