POLL: Should bathroom stalls be soundproofed?

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laurenlex

Platinum Member
Feb 26, 2004
2,370
1
0
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.


As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.



CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from.


Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.



FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again.


Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.




ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall.

This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.

If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic.

Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.




COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.

This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.




WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.


Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper
or magazine under his or her arm.


Always look around the office for the Out The Closet Pooper before
entering the bathroom.


THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P. F. N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS..




SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors.
Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open.
This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an ASTAIRE.



ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
you are in a stall.
This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear
an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.


WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
toilet water.
Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.


UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot.
An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
 
Savarak

Savarak

Platinum Member
Oct 27, 2001
2,718
1
81
soundproof... thats kinda dangerous. think bout all the people locked int heir bathrooms and hurt and unable to get up or whatever?
 
M

mdchesne

Banned
Feb 27, 2005
2,810
1
0
Originally posted by: Savarak
soundproof... thats kinda dangerous. think bout all the people locked int heir bathrooms and hurt and unable to get up or whatever?
Click to expand...

call button :)
 
R

ruffilb

Diamond Member
Feb 6, 2005
5,096
1
0
Originally posted by: laurenlex
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.


As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.



CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from.


Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your
pants.



FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again.


Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.




ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall.

This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.

If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did
not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all
involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.


JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen, do not panic.

Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.




COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.

This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.




WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in
and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.


Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.


OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper
or magazine under his or her arm.


Always look around the office for the Out The Closet Pooper before
entering the bathroom.


THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P. F. N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS..




SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors.
Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.


TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open.
This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can
occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall
until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable
eye contact.


CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an ASTAIRE.



ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
you are in a stall.
This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear
an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.


WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
toilet water.
Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.


UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot.
An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as
you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
Click to expand...

 
J

jfall

Diamond Member
Oct 31, 2000
5,975
2
0
It's really hard to believe something as natural as #2 could be so embarssing
 
M

Mojoed

Diamond Member
Jul 20, 2004
4,473
1
81
Soundproofed? No way. Really, how emotionally damaging is it to occasionally hear noises from a stall? It's a part of life, nothing to dwell on here. Plus, the costs required to soundproof bathrooms would be ridiculous.
 
JulesMaximus

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,574
972
126
YAPT-Yet Another Poop Thread...:roll:

We all poop, we all make noises when pooping. Get over it.
 
U

Umberger

Golden Member
Apr 13, 2005
1,710
0
76
but then I can't talk to the people around me and make it really awkward for them. that's like..... the most fun thing EVER.
 
jiwq

jiwq

Platinum Member
May 24, 2001
2,036
0
0
Originally posted by: Umberger
but then I can't talk to the people around me and make it really awkward for them. that's like..... the most fun thing EVER.
Click to expand...

stop in the middle of the conversation to say "hold on, i got a big one coming"
 
U

Umberger

Golden Member
Apr 13, 2005
1,710
0
76
Originally posted by: jiwq
Originally posted by: Umberger
but then I can't talk to the people around me and make it really awkward for them. that's like..... the most fun thing EVER.
Click to expand...

stop in the middle of the conversation to say "hold on, i got a big one coming"
Click to expand...

SPLOOSH!
 
C

Carbo

Diamond Member
Aug 6, 2000
5,273
11
81
I'm more concerned with the OP's incessant need to stalk and listen to his coworkers in the stall.
 
E

EyeMWing

Banned
Jun 13, 2003
15,670
1
0
Originally posted by: infestedgh0st
wut if someone's getting raped in the bathroom? exactly.
Click to expand...

So we put electronic locks on the men's room - so we have to swipe our man-cards to use it. Soundproof that one. And then leave the ladies room the way it's currently set up - you know, with the couches and TV set and all.
 
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