Poll-job/family related

[Pliablemoose]

So, let's throw out the following scenario...

Marriage fvcked, currently seperated from wife, and not particularly ever minded to take her back.

Working run of the mill job.

You have a teenaged daughter (from 1st marriage) you're primary custodian of, currently a freshman in HS. No children/alimony child support as a result of 2nd marriage that has about a 99% chance of ending in a divorce by the end of the 05'.

Generic house with $40-50k in equity, all mine too.

No debit-besides mortgage. (pats self on back)

Job available in Sturgis, South Dakota for ~$20k/year more than you're currently making.

Mentioned the place because it's in the Black Hills, the only nice place in South Dakota to live. Colleges close by, lots of recreation, hunting, etc, no state income tax... 60 miles from where I grew up, currently in Texas.

I've already made up my mind, just curious what you-all think.

 

[NathanBWF]

I'd probably take the job and move. How far is Sturgis from where you are now...?

 

[captains]

move

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: NathanBWF
I'd probably take the job and move. How far is Sturgis from where you are now...?

~900 miles, I'd rent for a year, then buy a house there...

Nothing for sure on the job, but I'm pretty sure they'll pick me up eventually. I have a buttload of certifications & experience, plus I'd be a rehire for the organization, they already know me, not personally, but I'm in the system.

 

[jdub1107]

I'd move as well.

 

[Queasy]

How does you daughter feel about moving? She's the one that you ought to be asking.

 

[Ryan]

I loved South Dakota when I lived there (Ellsworth AFB) The black hills are prestine - I wish I coudl live there again Plus - you have Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse and awesome fishing

 

[Heisenberg]

Originally posted by: Queasy
How does you daughter feel about moving? She's the one that you ought to be asking.

Yeah, I agree.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: Queasy
How does you daughter feel about moving? She's the one that you ought to be asking.

Ah the kicker.

She's had no physical contact with her mother for 3 years, not even phone calls for the last 4 months, don't want to ask her & make her feel unsettled, we've been through a few changes lately with the 2nd marriage going down the tubes. Plus it's not a sure thing yet. I'd prefer to wait till an offer is on the table, then discuss it with her.

She'll be 16 this fall & able to drive, and that's the timetable I gave the HR person this morning.

Poor thing doesn't know she may be driving in snow...

 

[StageLeft]

I dunno what your current income is, but $20k/year is nice, and so is getting away from your soon-to-be ex. In any case, goodluck!

 

[PricklyPete]

Does your daughter have a bunch of really close friends? Is she sociable.

If she is sociable enough....moving to a new location in HS could be easily bareable. If she is less charismatic and already has a few close freinds...moving her could make it difficult.

That being said, moves like this can build a lot of character in a young adult and that may be a really good thing.

The job opportunity does seem very good.

 

[Ameesh]

Since she is a freshman i say its not a big deal, but if she was a older i would say stick it out so so she can finish highschool.

sorry to hear about your marriage, but congrats on your new job!

 

[EagleKeeper]

Move

Swear off deep relationships

Your daughter, unless in Senior year of HS will adjust. She may complain, however, she will come around and understand.

Also, she has been through enough grief regarding the situation with Wife #1 she should understand.

However:

Why did you allow Wife #2 into your life if the situation was such that the marriage disintegrated so quickly. Rebound? what is the relationship curently between #2 and daughter?

Poor thing doesn't know she may be driving in snow...

Poor you, you have to teach her and get gray haired in the process.

 

[Malak]

I had to switch schools when I was a freshman. Wasn't a big deal like switching if you were a junior.

 

[Baked]

You need a change of scenary. Move and take your daughter w/ you and get away from the evil ex-wives.

 

[Geekbabe]

How good is the kid doing in her current school?

That was ALWAYS the deciding factor for me when considering moving.

Even if you've got to go without some things it's not a good idea to uproot them at that age.

 

[aircooled]

I wish you the best of luck. i too have a teenage daughter from my 1st marriage and a rocky 2nd marriage.

I personally couldn't live that far north, but that just my preference. I'll refrain from voting as I would need alot more time to think about it.

again. best of luck. Hope it works out well.

 

[TitanDiddly]

Move. High school friendships are meaningless in freshman year.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Discuss with Daughter:

If shes game it's a no brainer, if shes strongly against it and has really close ties in her home town its gonna be bad for her.

Perhaps, a quick 3-4 days vacation in Sturgis will help change her mind.


My parents di this to me and to this day I still bitch at them about it. I'm 29, they moved me when I was 12, brother was 14. Moved from big city in Cali to small po dunk town in Oregon due to property costs and quality of the schools.

 

[tami]

she's a freshman in HS. she can make new friends.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Originally posted by: EagleKeeper


Why did you allow Wife #2 into your life if the situation was such that the marriage disintegrated so quickly. Rebound? what is the relationship curently between #2 and daughter?

Wife #2 & I have been through a lot, we've spent hundreds of hours in court, family & civil (won everything, no criminal stuff), her ex died while we were married, 2 years ago, & she had a hard time with that, plus it seems to be a family tradition in her family to seperate & meke everyone's life hell, I'm not particularly forgiving about that crap, particularly since she refused to consider counselling. There doesn't seem to be an infidility issue (on either side), she's just been seriously stressed for years, everything got resolved, & I suspect I was the only thing left in her life she could change, so she did.

Daughter & 2nd wife are ok, but 2nd wife has withdrawn pretty significantly from the relationship.

We haven't filed for divorce, but I'm 99% sure we will, and another addendum, wife would never move to South Dakota. I don't miss my hometown, but I miss the hunting & fishing & feel pretty claustrophobic in a highly populated area like Dallas.

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
How good is the kid doing in her current school?

That was ALWAYS the deciding factor for me when considering moving.

Even if you've got to go without some things it's not a good idea to uproot them at that age.

I think she'd do allright, she does fair in school, and she'd have a chance to reinvent herself in South Dakota & be the cool Southern chick with an accent too, growing up there, it killed us to meet a girl with a Southern accent. I have an email into the Band director in Sturgis to see if they want a bassoon player

It's not really a matter of doing without, it's a chance to live where I plan to retire anyway...

Originally posted by: Fmr12B
Discuss with Daughter:

If shes game it's a no brainer, if shes strongly against it and has really close ties in her home town its gonna be bad for her.

Perhaps, a quick 3-4 days vacation in Sturgis will help change her mind.


My parents di this to me and to this day I still bitch at them about it. I'm 29, they moved me when I was 12, brother was 14. Moved from big city in Cali to small po dunk town in Oregon due to property costs and quality of the schools.

We were there last summer, and I prob need to show my face at the new job to be considered...