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POLL: Guys who are engaged / married - did you ask her father?

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I'm not married, but i would ask the father first as well. That'll show the parents respect, and they'll respect you more for it.
 
I'm just trying to understand... for those who say it's out of respect... why ? How does it involve them when their daughter is already an adult, and in most cases, independent. How does it show respect that you ask/tell the parents first ? Is it truly for their approval first ?
 
Originally posted by: psydancerqt
i dont think i'd want a guy to ask my father... my father didnt ask my grandpa
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So.....you and your sister, huh? How do you explain that one.


I never asked her dad. We've been married for almost 3 years, and I've yet to meet him. He writes her about once a year for a different rehab facility, but she hasn't seen him since she was in 7th grade.
 
For the record, I am 30 (she is 29). And yes, I asked permission from her parents.
What's the saying "you don't marry the girl, you marry the family"?
I asked out of respect for her parents to show that I value their opinion of me. It was never a doubt that I would get a yes you may response.
 
Originally posted by: rh71
I'm just trying to understand... for those who say it's out of respect... why ? How does it involve them when their daughter is already an adult, and in most cases, independent. How does it show respect that you ask/tell the parents first ? Is it truly for their approval first ?
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No😛 I knew I wasn't going to get "approval" from her parents😛😀 I asked her first - then her parents. By the time the wedding rolled around though - they we cool with me🙂 Infact we've gotten along great ever since that the night I asked them. Ofcourse I had to sit through about an hour of getting my ass chewed by them before I could make a break for the door... I was sure her dad was going to shoot me😛 And no she wasn't pregnant😉

I'm not sure why I did it. Maybe for my wife - to show her that i'd do anything for her😀 (lame and sappy I know😱)

CkG
 
Originally posted by: MegaloManiaK
Talked to her about it, then had both parents over for dinner and told them our intentions, going to formaly ask her and give her the ring on thursday, its been in my pocket since friday when i got it.
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good luck!

i never asked her father. she was 35 at the time, i was 30, and her father was about 90 and not entirely lucid.

but given our ages i doubt i would have asked anyone. i never asked her mother for example. actually, i never even told anyone i was going to ask.
 
No, but that's because her parents couldn't keep a secret even if their life depended on it.
 
No, I didn't ask my wife's father. We told them we were engaged when I met them for the first time, and I've been all but adopted as their son. 😀
 
Yes I did. Both of them (step- and her biological). They're both very traditional, and I thought I would respect that.
 
Originally posted by: dtyn
Yes I did. Both of them (step- and her biological). They're both very traditional, and I thought I would respect that.
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Isn't there some kind of tradition about staying married to the same person??

WTF is this, the middle ages?

Of course I wouldn't ask her father. It's her decision, not his.

For you guys who actually did ask, would you have called off the wedding if he had said no?
Didn't think so.
So you really don't respect the father's opinion.
You were just trying to do the old fashioned tradition thing.

 
Originally posted by: Shanti
Originally posted by: dtyn
Yes I did. Both of them (step- and her biological). They're both very traditional, and I thought I would respect that.
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Isn't there some kind of tradition about staying married to the same person??

WTF is this, the middle ages?

Of course I wouldn't ask her father. It's her decision, not his.

For you guys who actually did ask, would you have called off the wedding if he had said no?
Didn't think so.
So you really don't respect the father's opinion.
You were just trying to do the old fashioned tradition thing.
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Uhh just about everything about marriage is shallow tradition. If you just want to be iconoclastic, why get married at all?
 
Originally posted by: Shanti
Originally posted by: dtyn
Yes I did. Both of them (step- and her biological). They're both very traditional, and I thought I would respect that.
Click to expand...
Isn't there some kind of tradition about staying married to the same person??

WTF is this, the middle ages?

Of course I wouldn't ask her father. It's her decision, not his.

For you guys who actually did ask, would you have called off the wedding if he had said no?
Didn't think so.
So you really don't respect the father's opinion.
You were just trying to do the old fashioned tradition thing.
Click to expand...
I asked first and I was totally expecting him to say no. If he had (which he thankfully didn't), I was prepared to hold until he was okay with me. Of course, we would have had a big discussion about his issues.

Why are so many in here so opposed to asking for the father's blessing? It's a simple sign of respect and honor. In my mind, tradition has nothing to do with it. I hope that when I have a daughter, her suitor shows me the same. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: fonzinator
Originally posted by: Shanti
Originally posted by: dtyn
Yes I did. Both of them (step- and her biological). They're both very traditional, and I thought I would respect that.
Click to expand...
Isn't there some kind of tradition about staying married to the same person??

WTF is this, the middle ages?

Of course I wouldn't ask her father. It's her decision, not his.

For you guys who actually did ask, would you have called off the wedding if he had said no?
Didn't think so.
So you really don't respect the father's opinion.
You were just trying to do the old fashioned tradition thing.
Click to expand...
I asked first and I was totally expecting him to say no. If he had (which he thankfully didn't), I was prepared to hold until he was okay with me. Of course, we would have had a big discussion about his issues.

Why are so many in here so opposed to asking for the father's blessing? It's a simple sign of respect and honor. In my mind, tradition has nothing to do with it. I hope that when I have a daughter, her suitor shows me the same. 🙂
Click to expand...
Because it's not his decision.
The father doesn't own the daughter once she is an adult.
And she shouldn't require permission from him to make that choice.
And I would guess, even if you aren't included, that most of the people who asked would have gone ahead and gotten married even if he said no.
If that is true, then it is dishonest and just stupid to ask.


 
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