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Political humor

C

CorCentral

Banned
I thought since this was a joke, it would be better off posted here instead of P&N. If I'm in the wrong, please move it there 😉



A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her Altitude and spotted a man in a bass boat below. She shouted to him, Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an Hour ago, but I don't know where I am.


The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, You're in a hot air Balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet Above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, You must be a Republican.

I am, replied the bass fisherman. How did you know?


Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your Information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to Me.

The man smiled and responded, You must be a Democrat.

I am, replied the balloonist. How did you know?

Well, said the bass fisherman, you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large Quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my Fault!
 
It was too predictable. Clearly the balloonist was a democrat b/c republicans don't like hot air balloons because they think if god wanted us to fly he'd have given us wings. Goddamn scientists.

P&NBBQFTW!
 
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
 
Originally posted by: spidey07
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
Click to expand...

😀
 
Originally posted by: spidey07
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
Click to expand...

lol
 
Q: How is government like driving a car?

A: To move forward you put it in D, to go back you put it in R.
 
Originally posted by: spidey07
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
Click to expand...

I love it.
 
Originally posted by: kstu
Q: How is government like driving a car?

A: To move forward you put it in D, to go back you put it in R.
Click to expand...

Everyone knows R is for Race and D is for Drag.
 
i heard this one a while ago...

what do politicians and diapers have in common?

theyre both full of crap and need to be changed often!
 
Originally posted by: spidey07
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
Click to expand...
Or in this case, it's simply called "pragmatism."


 
Originally posted by: spidey07
I remember the time that Catherine (one of my son's friends), when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us - and I asked Catherine, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

Catherine replied, "I would give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house."

Catherine, who was about 6, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5."

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine.
Click to expand...

Cleaning up the shit caused by republicans is every democrat's job.
 
I wish all democrats and republicans would diaf. They all fail at pretty much everything.


Republicans = frightened old people, insane god folk and confused libertarians.

Democrats = people that think astrology actually has relevance to life, and people that want the government to give them shit.

edit repost
 
Originally posted by: BudAshes
I wish all democrats and republicans would diaf. They all fail at pretty much everything.


Republicans = frightened old people, insane god folk and confused libertarians.

Democrats = people that think astrology actually has relevance to life, and people that want the government to give them shit.

edit repost
Click to expand...

A politician I can agree with. Where do I sign up?
 
Originally posted by: BudAshes
I wish all democrats and republicans would diaf. They all fail at pretty much everything.


Republicans = frightened old people, insane god folk and confused libertarians.

Democrats = people that think astrology actually has relevance to life, and people that want the government to give them shit.

edit repost
Click to expand...

QFT
 
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