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Please, I need some advice on dealing with a friend on drugs

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eia430

You seem very willing to forgive yourself for your being human. Why then do you expect perfection from everyone else? Peer pressure is an unfortunately reality of the imperfection of human beings. It stems from insecurity... it's as simple as that.

I don't condone peer pressure, but it's a symptom of a bigger problem. Just as is habitual drug use. When you're sick with a sinus infection, all the nose drops in the world aren't going to get you well. A lot of times we get so frustrated when our efforts to solve a problem fail, but the sad reality is that we're treating a symptom and not the problem.

Unfortunately, my feelings on the sources of insecurity (the problem) are that it stems from the fact that we live in a world where our differences are used as a basis to draw lines between people and pass judgement instead of being celebrated and encouraged. A person is made to feel insecure because society tells them that they're inferior because they don't look a certain way or act a certain way. That insecurity rarely (if ever) leads to constructive behavior.

Drugs are not the problem... people are.

l2c
 
I don't have any friends that need rehab, but if I did and they needed assistance then I would naturally help. Most people would do likewise. It sounds to me like you're doing it so that you can stand on a pedestal and tell everyone how much of a great and generous person you are. Do you want a Nobel prize or what?

I'm all for helping people. What I'm against is people blaming others for their own shortcomings.

And BTW, I've discouraged numerous people from using weed, telling them all in all it isn't worth it.

 
The "gateway drug" idea uses some seriously fuzzy logic. Anything can be a gateway to anything else! Weak people will be weak people. They will succumb to temptation one way or another.



 
Girlfriday, you said...

"The only way she will get better is to realize what she is doing to herself, and deciding that she wants to change."

She has done that but the FAILURE rate for heroin treatment is 95%. It will be a tough and long road to recovery for her. But seeing what she is and has gone through and knowing what she still MUST go through really gets me miffed at people that encourage drug use. I'm sure she didn't need the "help" she received in getting into drugs to begin with. Drugs ruin lives, therefore those that encourage drug use ruin lives.
 
That's what I said, GirlFriday. 🙂

Absolutely right.

I still believe eia430 is deeply in denial. He already admitted paying a huge sum for a failed attempt at rehabilitation. Where does it end? Does he keep paying? And if she fails again (and again)? Why? (Is he being manipulated? Does he have ulterior motives?)

There are also many free programs that work (only) IF the user wants help. That is the key - the drug abuser must realize their own actions have bad consequences; sometime they must experience the consequences to want to break free.

Nobody stuck the joint in her mouth and forced her to smoke it. Many many other prople have been "tempted" and have stuck by their convictions. Also, many others have failed temptation, become addicted and then broke free. It's ALL up to her. One can only offer help. And quit judging others by you own standards of self-righteousness.


EDIT: The reason so many people "fail" quitting heroin (95%?) and hard drugs is mostly because they don't (really) want to quit. If she is not sufficiently motivated - your efforts will fail (period).
 
I'm sure she didn't need the "help" she received in getting into drugs to begin with.

And my point is, nobody twisted her arm to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for your friend, and I hope she makes it through and becomes one of the 5% that goes on to lead a clean healthy life. But you making excuses for her is NOT going to help her get better. She hid from her problems long enough by using drugs, now she needs to face them head on. If she does not do this, she will never escape the addiction, because there will always be someone or something else to blame besides herself. If you care about her, please do not make excuses for her.

Appopin: Hehe, looks like we agree again. My gosh, my isp is sloow tonight. 😉
 
Sex can be a gateway to hard drugs. A lot of people say the only better feeling than sex is heroin. These people are full of sh!t, but the point is, it completely and utterly depends on the person. Not "but's" about it. Unless weed physically sends you a message that you should move up to crack or heroin, it's not a "gateway drug".

Labeling it as a "gateway drug" is just a dumb Government scare tactic. They couldn't find anything particularly negative about weed, so they came up with that. Granted, their intentions are good, but the ends don't justify the means. They really need to stop BSing people.
 
Engine, you said...

"I don't have any friends that need rehab, but if I did and they needed assistance then I would naturally help. Most people would do likewise. It sounds to me like you're doing it so that you can stand on a pedestal and tell everyone how much of a great and generous person you are. Do you want a Nobel prize or what? I'm all for helping people. What I'm against is people blaming others for their own shortcomings"

How old are you? I bet your still a child living with his parents. You are so naive about a lot of things. This make it really easy to dismiss your babble.

"What I'm against is people blaming others for their own shortcomings"

That statement makes you TOTALY hipocritical. I'm not the one using drugs. You are the one blaming her for your own shortcoming of drug use. Saying, "it's her own fault" does that make you feel better about your own drug use? does that give you a sense of false security that your own use will not avalance into heavier drugs?

When you get out on your own and find out about the real world, you won't be as naive as you are now. It's really easy for me to wish what she's going through on you so you would understand. But even you don't deserve that kind of hell and I would feel bad if it by chance really did happen.
 
Cries foul at pot being called a gateway drug = Promotes drug use in others?

I don't quite get that one.😕

Gateway is a term just like road rage is just a term. Flipping off some stupid bastage cause he's doing something stupid is now called 'road rage'. When I was young it was just flippin off some stupid a..hole.

The cops call being pissed at some a..hole road rage because the first time somebody made a complaint about it the media asked "Whats that called Lt." and the idiot came up with road rage!

Gateway drug is just a term that some doctor came up with when someone that was vital to his funding asked "What do you call this theory that you have of pot use leading to more powerful drugs?"

Uuugh...Gateway drug?

For every person that you show it was a gateway for I would bet I could show many more that it wasn't. There's really no way to prove or disprove. 🙁🙁
 
luv2chill, you said....

"You seem very willing to forgive yourself for your being human. Why then do you expect perfection from everyone else? Peer pressure is an unfortunately reality of the imperfection of human beings. It stems from insecurity... it's as simple as that."


I don't expect perfection. Not encouraging others to start drugs, does that require perfection? If you do use drugs then just keep it to yourself and limited to yourself, is that perfection? Why do I become the bad guy for being a voice AGAINST drug use when so many others are FOR drug use? I don't expect perfection luv2chill, expecting others to not spread their bad habit is far from expecting perfection.
 
You still just don't get it do you eia430? Let me try one more time:


It is COMPLETELY your friend's OWN fault. She has no one to blame but herself. Stop making stupid excuses for her. We do not live in a perfect world.

Now that I said that, I still wish and hope she comes clean from her addiction. But you may not be helping. Have you ever heard of the term "enabling"?
 
apoppin, you said..

"I still believe eia430 is deeply in denial. He already admitted paying a huge sum for a failed attempt at rehabilitation. Where does it end? Does he keep paying? And if she fails again (and again)? Why? (Is he being manipulated? Does he have ulterior motives?)"

Deeply in denial? how so? I never said that this is not her fault. All I've said is that those that encourage drug use are contributing factors to starting and may be the little weight that tips the balance of an already struggling person. If she fails again, she will find her own means.. I helped her this time because I did not want a person to be denied help simply for lack of money. Her failings at this will not be because of lack of effort on my part. Am I being manipulated? do I have ulterior motives? Both can be said with a resounding no. We don't even live in the same city or have had that much contact with each other over the years. There is nothing there and never will be anything there. It's just not as easy for me as it is for others to tell myself "it's their own fault" and leave it at that. A large part of this may also stem from my best friend commiting suicide and some unresolved feelings of "what could I have done?" I am not about to let another friend down through lack of effort on my part.
 
There's little difference between those who can't mix drugs with their life and those who can't mix life with their drugs. Both sorts are experientially handicapped: one surrenders to caution, the other to abandon.

One never leaves the house, the other locks themself out. Both are afraid they can't handle it.

[cliche]Drugs are for people who can't handle reality. Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.[/cliche]

The issue is, should you force your behavioral preferences on others simply because they make sense to you (eg: be it drugs or morality)?

 
appopin you said...

"It is COMPLETELY your friend's OWN fault. She has no one to blame but herself. Stop making stupid excuses for her. We do not live in a perfect world.Now that I said that, I still wish and hope she comes clean from her addiction. But you may not be helping. Have you ever heard of the term "enabling"?"


Both of these issues I addressed in the last post. How am I making excuses for her? you are blurring my being irritated at people not taking responsibility for their spreading drug use with her responsibility of not having taken it to begin with. Both are entirely separate. But since we both live in the real world we both are aware of the fact that nothing is ever black and white. You cannot say the words "completely" or "entirely" when it comes reasons.
 
Thanks for explaining, eia430. Evidently there is a limit to your understanding and helping.

I never said 'say it's her own fault and leave it at that.' You are to be commended for trying to help. I did say not to make excuses for her and judge others by your standards. In denial - evidently, for you were making excuses for her.

EDIT: Of course I can say "COMPLETELY" - ultimate responsibility rests with each one of us for our actions. I explained that before. It doesn't make me feel less sorry for her plight or less willing to help if she were my friend.
 
eia430

A lot of your comments don't seem to make much rational sense... It is fine to be opposed to drug use, but just because that is your belief doesn't mean that it is everyone's belief.

For the record, I don't advocate drug use. I advocate the use of your God-given (or for my nonreligious counterparts, inate) free will to make good decisons for your life. I also advocate the accountability and personal responsibility that goes along with it. You can't have one without the other, no matter how you dice it.

If I offer you a drink of alcohol, does that make me an idiot? I hope not. Would you accept? According to you, no. Similarly, if I offer you a joint, would you accept? Probably not. So if I offer a drink to your friend, and she accepts, I am an idiot and responsible for her choice to accept that drink? Repeat the same scenario with a joint, a syringe of heroin, a nutty bar, whatever. I hope you see the error in that thinking. SHE MADE A CHOICE JUST AS YOU MADE A CHOICE. Your choices happened to be different, and you are each to be held accountable for your own decisions, good or bad.

I think it is admirable that you want to help your friend, don't get me wrong. But, as others have so truly said, she must be willing to seek help first. If she's not in the position where she truly wants to change, your efforts will probably be unsuccessful.

l2c
 
Red, that's my point. Unless there's a direct link from one to the other, who the hell is anyone to say anything like "x is a gateway to y". And especially treat it like such a truism, as they do for the whole "weed is a gateway drug" crap.


 
You are the one blaming her for your own shortcoming of drug use.

No, I'm knocking you for blaming others for her weakness. Stop making excuses for her, really.

You're arguing with emotion and not reason. Hey, I bet you're a liberal!
 
I use to smoke pot years ago. It never hurt or effected me in anyway....What was we talking about again? 😉

freak-o-a-l your friend is lucky to have a friend that cares as much as you do. I would be cool about it and confront him about it and see what the deal is.

Buck

 
Tons of people smoke pot and live very normal, productive lives. The ones that allow it to control their lives(i.e. loose jobs, drift from family etc.) have other issues. They might have family problems, or low self-esteem, or lack of acceptance from the "in" crowd. The question is, is Bob crying out for attention or simply experimenting? You should hang with your boy and talk to him. Make sure hes not hurting about something. If hes not, then you have to decide if ya still want to be his friend. Chances are, if blazes and you don't, you'll just drift apart and he'll be just another face in the crowd. I'm assuming your in high school. Friends will always come and go, b/c people will change, and it sounds like Bob has changed.

As for weed being a "gateway drug," yes and no, IMHO. I know people who are total losers in life and all they ever did was smoke pot, nothing else. I myself, smoked pot and experimented with many other drugs. I never let it get in the way of my goals(M.S. in Physical Therapy). My long winded point here is that it depends on the person. Some people are simply in better control of their lives and others let outside influences control their lives.
 
I agree, some people can smoke herb and lead normal everyday lives with no effect from smoking. I did it for over two years, and just decided I would rather stop. It did not "hook" me nor did it effect my life in any other way. I just liked to "mellow" out sometimes and it did not control me. I just up and quit one day, and it hasn't bothered me at all since. That's just my experiences with it. Some may be totally different.
 
luv2chill, you said..

"If I offer you a drink of alcohol, does that make me an idiot? I hope not."


At that point no... let's change it a bit. "want a drink? no? hey it will relax you, loosen you up a bit, here have one.... c'mon, everone likes beer" At that point you just became an idiot.

"SHE MADE A CHOICE JUST AS YOU MADE A CHOICE"

Now clarify this for me... if my friends that smoked pot that offered me some said "what? no? c'mon it's great" rather than what they did say "you don't smoke? good, don't start" Is that pushing considered a choice? That's what I'm mad at, people that encourage drug use and try to get others to start.

"But, as others have so truly said, she must be willing to seek help first. If she's not in the position where she truly wants to change, your efforts will probably be unsuccessful."

Yes, I agree hence my help to her is limited and she gets one shot at rehab from me. But I will not have a friend suffer from the lack of me trying. It will be by their own hands, despite my best efforts to help.
 
Just to clarify, eia430. If your friend had said "what? No, c'mon it's great" he may have been an idiot - but you should still have the inner strength, resolve and prepared answer to say: "NO! Don't you get it? No thanks - I'm not interested and don't offer it again to me".

Or else, you are the BIGGER idiot for giving in so easily.

 
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