EDIT: A FUNNY but sad EMAIL
I just lost my job.
No big deal eh? Not a problem eh? Well there is more to it than that. About 8 months ago I was living it up. Drove a BMW and worked for a great software firm. Making good coin (about $75K) and the living was nice.
Tech boom comes and I am out of a job. Can't find sh!t anywhere. Bills start to pile up and it's time to renew my lease on my apt--but no incoming funds. So I bite the bullet and move back home with my parents--while I'm looking. So now I'm living in the basement (like you!
, looking on Monster.com, all the normal stuff. Can't get a bite anywhere. Nothing is happening. Dad is on my case everyday.
So 7 months pass, I get to a couple interviews, nothing happens. I'm super depressed at this point, I had to sell my new BMW and buy a fncking used Ford Taurus, I haven't gotten laid in ages, and I'm contemplating ending it all. My mom notices all this and tells me to go to her shrink. She pays, I go. He puts me on Paxil, which is supposed to make things all better. So I go on it, and things do seem a bit less bleak. I take it for a couple months and don't get the refill (this is IMPORTANT TO THE STORY).
Ok, so flash to 3 weeks ago. I get an email about a job interview. It's a big pay cut (only $50K) but at least it's work. I go in for the first interview, it goes well, they have me stay, instantly get the second interview. I get home and there is a message on the machine to call them. I got the job!
I've been off Paxil now for a couple weeks, but I still want to be on it, so I get the prescription
refilled Sunday before work. My first day at work (the next Monday) I start my Paxil again. Got my happy drug, got a job, things are looking good.
Boss comes in and asks me to lunch (this is customary in corporate jobs on the first day) with the 3 other team members. He is a guy, the other 3 team memebers of my dept. are women, younger. I'm 27, they are hot 30 year olds. One is 29 and she has been training me. HOT AS HELL.
We go to the Olive Garden and I'm putting away salad, and those buttery breadsticks. Then a nice bowl of Fettuchine Alfredo. As we are walking out the bottom falls out of my stomach. BAD. Here is where it all comes together. Paxil has a nasty side effect for most people when they start (or restart like me) taking it. BAD stomach problems for a few days. It didn't occur to me because last time I had them I was at home.
I have to sh!t bad. It's gonna be wet greasy, messy. It's 10 minutes back to the office. I'm cramping, sweating, I think I can make it. So we are all in my bosses mini van and I am sitting in the back seat in between the hot girl that is training me and another lady. I'm "riding the hump" so I feel every bump on the road. I want to cry I'm in so much pain.
My stomach is kicking, screaming, "I WANT TO SH!T NOW!"
We are about 2 blocks from the office, and I'm ready to die. My boss hits this big ass pot hole (HUGE) and I feel it. That's when it happened. It was like slow motion, I've replayed it a million times in my head.
I let go a huge loud wet fart followed by about a gallon of brown butt juice all over my legs and the
car seat (leather). The hot girl started SCREAMING. My boss pulled over into a gas station and everyone jumped out. The juice had ran on the leather and got on each of the women I was sitting near. The other woman was crying saying how disgusted she was. My boss asked if I was ok. The women went into the gas station. I got out and went into the bathroom. My boss said he would be back for me in about 15 minutes.
I looked out the door and saw him cleaning the inside with some towel/t shirt he got from the gas station. About 5 minutes later they left. I washed my pants in the sink of the bathroom and it got a lot of the sh!t chunks out. I walked out in my soaked pants and had the gas station attendant call me a cab. I went home, emailed my boss and told him I quit. He wrote back and said he "thought that was best".
I bought a $500 bag that I used for work files that was at the office, along with my cell phone. I'm too embarrased to go get them, and now I have a $500 credit card bill coming and no money to pay it.
Life sucks.
(this isnt me)
~fatbaby EDIT: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. YES IT SOUNDS VERY SAD BUT PLEASE DO NOT PRAY OR GIVE AS IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I FOUND THIS FUNNY AND WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. who lives in/near alhambra?
I just lost my job.
No big deal eh? Not a problem eh? Well there is more to it than that. About 8 months ago I was living it up. Drove a BMW and worked for a great software firm. Making good coin (about $75K) and the living was nice.
Tech boom comes and I am out of a job. Can't find sh!t anywhere. Bills start to pile up and it's time to renew my lease on my apt--but no incoming funds. So I bite the bullet and move back home with my parents--while I'm looking. So now I'm living in the basement (like you!
, looking on Monster.com, all the normal stuff. Can't get a bite anywhere. Nothing is happening. Dad is on my case everyday. So 7 months pass, I get to a couple interviews, nothing happens. I'm super depressed at this point, I had to sell my new BMW and buy a fncking used Ford Taurus, I haven't gotten laid in ages, and I'm contemplating ending it all. My mom notices all this and tells me to go to her shrink. She pays, I go. He puts me on Paxil, which is supposed to make things all better. So I go on it, and things do seem a bit less bleak. I take it for a couple months and don't get the refill (this is IMPORTANT TO THE STORY).
Ok, so flash to 3 weeks ago. I get an email about a job interview. It's a big pay cut (only $50K) but at least it's work. I go in for the first interview, it goes well, they have me stay, instantly get the second interview. I get home and there is a message on the machine to call them. I got the job!
I've been off Paxil now for a couple weeks, but I still want to be on it, so I get the prescription
refilled Sunday before work. My first day at work (the next Monday) I start my Paxil again. Got my happy drug, got a job, things are looking good.
Boss comes in and asks me to lunch (this is customary in corporate jobs on the first day) with the 3 other team members. He is a guy, the other 3 team memebers of my dept. are women, younger. I'm 27, they are hot 30 year olds. One is 29 and she has been training me. HOT AS HELL.
We go to the Olive Garden and I'm putting away salad, and those buttery breadsticks. Then a nice bowl of Fettuchine Alfredo. As we are walking out the bottom falls out of my stomach. BAD. Here is where it all comes together. Paxil has a nasty side effect for most people when they start (or restart like me) taking it. BAD stomach problems for a few days. It didn't occur to me because last time I had them I was at home.
I have to sh!t bad. It's gonna be wet greasy, messy. It's 10 minutes back to the office. I'm cramping, sweating, I think I can make it. So we are all in my bosses mini van and I am sitting in the back seat in between the hot girl that is training me and another lady. I'm "riding the hump" so I feel every bump on the road. I want to cry I'm in so much pain.
My stomach is kicking, screaming, "I WANT TO SH!T NOW!"
We are about 2 blocks from the office, and I'm ready to die. My boss hits this big ass pot hole (HUGE) and I feel it. That's when it happened. It was like slow motion, I've replayed it a million times in my head.
I let go a huge loud wet fart followed by about a gallon of brown butt juice all over my legs and the
car seat (leather). The hot girl started SCREAMING. My boss pulled over into a gas station and everyone jumped out. The juice had ran on the leather and got on each of the women I was sitting near. The other woman was crying saying how disgusted she was. My boss asked if I was ok. The women went into the gas station. I got out and went into the bathroom. My boss said he would be back for me in about 15 minutes.
I looked out the door and saw him cleaning the inside with some towel/t shirt he got from the gas station. About 5 minutes later they left. I washed my pants in the sink of the bathroom and it got a lot of the sh!t chunks out. I walked out in my soaked pants and had the gas station attendant call me a cab. I went home, emailed my boss and told him I quit. He wrote back and said he "thought that was best".
I bought a $500 bag that I used for work files that was at the office, along with my cell phone. I'm too embarrased to go get them, and now I have a $500 credit card bill coming and no money to pay it.
Life sucks.
(this isnt me)
~fatbaby EDIT: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. YES IT SOUNDS VERY SAD BUT PLEASE DO NOT PRAY OR GIVE AS IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I FOUND THIS FUNNY AND WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. who lives in/near alhambra?
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