Pet rules

[tyler811]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.


Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw prints are yours
and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please
note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me
doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine
or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!


To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:



**************
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our
Pets.

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.


Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8 Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college

 

[Thraxen]

Originally posted by: tyler811
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me
doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Haha... my cat does this all the time. She cheats by jumping from the second half of the stairs up through the railing to the floor above.

 

[FrozenCanadian]

The whole thing is true with my cats. I really like the bathroom part and the To All Non Pet Owners part though.

 

[lizardth]

Hilarious! The Non-Pet Owner one is getting printed and laminated and put on our front door!

 

[Feneant2]

Gave me a good laugh

 

[DrPizza]

lmao! 2 nights ago, I slept on the couch for the exact reason... I was very tired, had been on the computer until quite late, walked into the bedroom, and my wife and 2 of my dogs had eliminated any chance I was going to be able to lie down any time soon.

About coming when they're called though - they can be just as bad as kids. I stood on the edge of a pond last night calling my golden retriever for a little over an hour while he swam in circles following 6 ducks that apparently he thought would tire before he did. He needed the exercise though.

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: DrPizza
lmao! 2 nights ago, I slept on the couch for the exact reason... I was very tired, had been on the computer until quite late, walked into the bedroom, and my wife and 2 of my dogs had eliminated any chance I was going to be able to lie down any time soon.

About coming when they're called though - they can be just as bad as kids. I stood on the edge of a pond last night calling my golden retriever for a little over an hour last night while he swam in circles following 6 ducks that apparently he thought would tire before he did. He needed the exercise though.

lol that is funny, we have a black lab thats afraid of water. He wont even walk into the grass when there is dew on it, unless we make him. Then when he does after each step he will shake his feet to get the water off.

 

[alkemyst]

you forgot to add: "Is probably smarter than your Honor student at that F school they go too."

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
you forgot to add: "Is probably smarter than your Honor student at that F school they go too."

:beer:

 

[BoomerD]

My cat says the bathroom rules are BS. She HAS to be there any time I am, just to make sure I cover my mess when I'm through. Besides, she says it's one time when my attention is not on a million different things, and should be able to give her my full attention.

 

[ArchCenturion]

My dog will completely plow people just to get to his tennis ball.

 

[jadinolf]

It's important to note that although cats and dogs can really read, they will pretend to not so these rules are are waste of time.

All they will do is snicker.

 

[ohtwell]

My cat also disagrees with the bathroom rule. She states that it is an unwritten rule that a master must always accompany their pets when they are going potty that way she can keep her eye on us at all times. No door will stop her when she's really determined to be in there!

Also, beating me to the bottom or top of the stairs is a way to show dominance and superiority. I'd expect no less of my cat, nor would she expect any better from me!


: ) Amanda

 

[tyler811]

Originally posted by: ohtwell
My cat also disagrees with the bathroom rule. She states that it is an unwritten rule that a master must always accompany their pets when they are going potty that way she can keep her eye on us at all times. No door will stop her when she's really determined to be in there!

Also, beating me to the bottom or top of the stairs is a way to show dominance and superiority. I'd expect no less of my cat, nor would she expect any better from me!


: ) Amanda